ALSO I'm having formatting issues with this!! It looks fine in "edit" mode and then when I click update it makes text huge or tiny and makes crazy spacing!! I keep fixing it when I see it...which is every day lately!!!)
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1. God never hits me and He is my example of how to be a parent. To emulate Him I see no example of "hitting." This should be the only reason I need.
Prov. 10:22
It is the blessing of the Lord that makes rich, and He adds no sorrow to it.
1 Peter 2:21
1 Peter 2:21
For you have been called for this purpose, since Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example for you to follow in is steps...
2. It is judging. Jesus said, "let the one who has no sin cast the first stone (punish her)." I am not demonstrating this by being the judge and jury for my child and casting "those stones" at my child.
John 8:1-11
But Jesus went to the Mount of Olives. Early in the morning He came again into the temple, and all the people were coming to Him; and He sat down and began to teach them.
The scribes and the Pharisees *brought a woman caught in adultery, and having set her in the center of the court, they *said to Him, “Teacher, this woman has been caught in adultery, in the very act. Now in the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women; what then do You say?”
They were saying this, testing Him, so that they might have grounds for accusing Him.
But Jesus stooped down and with His finger wrote on the ground. But when they persisted in asking Him, He straightened up, and said to them, “He who is without sin among you, let him be the first to throw a stone at her.” Again He stooped down and wrote on the ground.
When they heard it, they began to go out one by one, beginning with the older ones, and He was left alone, and the woman, where she was, in the center of the court. Straightening up, Jesus said to her, “Woman, where are they? Did no one condemn you?” She said, “No one, Lord.”
And Jesus said, “I do not condemn you, either. Go. From now on sin no more.”
The scribes and the Pharisees *brought a woman caught in adultery, and having set her in the center of the court, they *said to Him, “Teacher, this woman has been caught in adultery, in the very act. Now in the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women; what then do You say?”
They were saying this, testing Him, so that they might have grounds for accusing Him.
But Jesus stooped down and with His finger wrote on the ground. But when they persisted in asking Him, He straightened up, and said to them, “He who is without sin among you, let him be the first to throw a stone at her.” Again He stooped down and wrote on the ground.
When they heard it, they began to go out one by one, beginning with the older ones, and He was left alone, and the woman, where she was, in the center of the court. Straightening up, Jesus said to her, “Woman, where are they? Did no one condemn you?” She said, “No one, Lord.”
And Jesus said, “I do not condemn you, either. Go. From now on sin no more.”
It is interesting to note here that most Christians today would find being called or equated with Pharisees to be an insult. the Pharisees were people who didn't know Christ! In this passage the Pharisees are like the pro-spanking parent who believes that when caught in a transgression their child (like the adulterous woman) need to be punished for it according to the Old Testament law!!!
However, the Pharisees cease to be equatable to the modern pro-spanking Christian...after they are done accusing and anticipating punishment for the woman because the Pharisees were at least humble and intelligent enough to realize that they had no right to punish her because they too, despite being the most spiritual authorities in their day, had sin.
3. Spanking teaches my child to "cast stones" at others and judge others. And, I am obligated to teach my children the right way to go...and to be like Christ. If I cast stones at them and punish them I am not doing that.
1 Peter 2:21
For you have been called for this purpose, since Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example for you to follow in His steps
Ephesians 6:4
Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
4. There is no fear in love…perfect love casts out fear! Being hit/spanked causes fear of the parent. Therefore, if we're to model ourselves after Father God who IS LOVE…we must not do anything to make our children afraid of us.
1 John 4:18
"There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love."
5. When our kids make mistakes we want them to run TO us so that we can show them how to fix the problem they've just created by their misdeed. If they're afraid of pain they'll run away and they'll have a hard time being forgiven and cleansed (as in that verse in 1 John).
6. The fact that they'll run away from us due to fear of pain is part of how God wired our brains. This is some of that Romans 1 evidence in the Creation that God does not want parents to ever be a source of pain to their children.
He is the one who wired our brains to avoid pain. Therefore, I can't believe that God wants the children to ever associate pain with us because He certainly does not want His children to run from Him nor our children to run from us.
He is the one who wired our brains to avoid pain. Therefore, I can't believe that God wants the children to ever associate pain with us because He certainly does not want His children to run from Him nor our children to run from us.
7. If perfect love casts out fear, then, fear must cast out perfect love. And, if God is love...if I fill my children with fear of being caught doing wrong...which they will do...then the fear I instill in them will cast out Love (aka God).
8. The things that are in the world are more scary than me but if my kids are more familiar with the pain they associate with me they'll be more inclined to seek solace and safety in those other things which may or may not be safe...
Like, a show I saw on tv where a 7 year old girl was squirted with a hose by a 16 year old boy as she passed by on her bike. She stopped and was so upset. She didn't want to go home because she was afraid "she'd get in trouble." So, she actually went inside this boy's house…TOOK OFF HER CLOTHES in this stranger's house because he "offered to put her clothes in the dryer"…and he then tied her up (hog-tied) and left her under his bed for 2 days!!!!! He did unspeakable things to her and she finally just died from the horror of it. He didn't kill her she just died!! ALL BECAUSE for some reason this little girl had learned that messing up = pain from her parents and to avoid that pain she ended up trusting a stranger!!!
Like, a show I saw on tv where a 7 year old girl was squirted with a hose by a 16 year old boy as she passed by on her bike. She stopped and was so upset. She didn't want to go home because she was afraid "she'd get in trouble." So, she actually went inside this boy's house…TOOK OFF HER CLOTHES in this stranger's house because he "offered to put her clothes in the dryer"…and he then tied her up (hog-tied) and left her under his bed for 2 days!!!!! He did unspeakable things to her and she finally just died from the horror of it. He didn't kill her she just died!! ALL BECAUSE for some reason this little girl had learned that messing up = pain from her parents and to avoid that pain she ended up trusting a stranger!!!
9. If I had to fear being hit/spanked by God for making mistakes I don't know if I could live. He's the only refuge I have when I mess up. I need to model that if I am to parent like Him! If this would devastate me and make me feel like "giving up" what does this do to my children?
10. It actually lowers IQ. God wants my children to be smart. If my children's intelligence suffers from something I'm doing, then that is not God's way...Jesus says we'll know by the fruit...and this is fruit that says God doesn't want children being hit...
Children who are spanked have lower IQ's
Spanking lowers IQ and raises aggression
Spanking lowers IQ and fosters aggression and depression
Kids who get spanked may have lower IQ's
Spanking lowers IQ researcher says
Does spanking lower kids' IQ?
Kids who get spanked my have lower IQ's
(just search on Google and you can find 100's of articles)
Spanking Hurts More than you Think
10. It actually lowers IQ. God wants my children to be smart. If my children's intelligence suffers from something I'm doing, then that is not God's way...Jesus says we'll know by the fruit...and this is fruit that says God doesn't want children being hit...
Children who are spanked have lower IQ's
Spanking lowers IQ and raises aggression
Spanking lowers IQ and fosters aggression and depression
Kids who get spanked may have lower IQ's
Spanking lowers IQ researcher says
Does spanking lower kids' IQ?
Kids who get spanked my have lower IQ's
(just search on Google and you can find 100's of articles)
Spanking Hurts More than you Think
11. It has been studied and proven that it leads to more aggressive behavior in children. (More fruit) God's ways may sometimes be hard or painful but always produce good fruit. This is not good fruit. And, it is not caring for my neighbor if I cause my child to become more aggressive because my child may take out his aggressions someday on them...
Even Jesus said that He only did what He saw the Father doing. Children learn by example. If Mom and Dad deal with conflict with them "by hitting" then the children will learn to handle conflict "with hitting"...it's simple. And, not only the modeled behavior, but, the aggression is also built up anger that the child has from being struck by the parent.
Spanking may lead to aggression later in life
Long term effects of spanking
Spanking linked to more aggression in kids
Spanking leads to child aggression and anxiety regardless of cultural norm
(just Google it!)
Even Jesus said that He only did what He saw the Father doing. Children learn by example. If Mom and Dad deal with conflict with them "by hitting" then the children will learn to handle conflict "with hitting"...it's simple. And, not only the modeled behavior, but, the aggression is also built up anger that the child has from being struck by the parent.
Spanking may lead to aggression later in life
Long term effects of spanking
Spanking linked to more aggression in kids
Spanking leads to child aggression and anxiety regardless of cultural norm
(just Google it!)
12. It models the behavior that "when you're bigger than someone you can get what you want from them by force." (Even if it's a "good" thing as in you want the child to behave in a better way...it's still what "you" want and so to get what "you want" from the child if threats and coercion don't work you resort to force and the child sees that.)
13. It models the behavior that inflicting pain on another human being to get what you want from them is OK. This is not teaching children how to put others before themselves.
Matthew 5:38-40
“You have heard that it was said, ‘An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth.’ But I say to you, do not resist an evil person; but whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other to him also. If anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, let him have your coat also."
Phil. 2
...have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus...
“You have heard that it was said, ‘An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth.’ But I say to you, do not resist an evil person; but whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other to him also. If anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, let him have your coat also."
Phil. 2
...have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus...
If Jesus instructed us to do the above to a grown-up, why would we believe that He would tell us to do otherwise with a child? We are to not hit back when a grown-up (who would know better) slaps us on our cheek, but, if a 5 year old hits his little sister we're supposed to hit him for it? Not only does this violate what Jesus said but again...it models wrong behavior for our children which would make it difficult for them to follow this command of Jesus'.
14. It teaches our little girls that it's normal to be in a relationship where the person bigger than you will hurt you or hit you when they don't like what you are doing. It sets girls up, therefore, to be abused by their husbands. The treatment that God says men are to give their wives...is not modeled when a father strikes a child.
"Husbands love your wives just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her." Is not modeled when a father strikes a daughter.
"You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered." Is not modeled when a father strikes a daughter.
"Husbands, love your wives and do not be embittered against them." Is not modeled when a father strikes a daughter.
15. It models behavior for our sons that it is OK to be that bigger person and hit or hurt the smaller person in the relationship to control behavior. For our sons to be treated this way, or worse yet, to see their father striking his sister does not model how a husband is to treat a wife.
Another Reason Not to Spank: Raising a Bully
Spanking Your Kid Could Hatch a Bully
Spanking Breeds Bullies, Study Discovers
How a Bully is Made
Can Spanking Your Child Make Him into a Bully?
Spanking and Kids' Aggression
Another Reason Not to Spank: Raising a Bully
Spanking Your Kid Could Hatch a Bully
Spanking Breeds Bullies, Study Discovers
How a Bully is Made
Can Spanking Your Child Make Him into a Bully?
Spanking and Kids' Aggression
16. It associates pain with love in a way that has shown in studies can lead to sadomasochistic ways in adults. (you know, the kind of people who love to be whipped or spanked)
17. The spanking can stimulate the genitals. Though, completely unintentionally this easily happens because they are "right there" where the spanking occurs. Bend over and put your hand on the areas where the "paddle of choice" can strike and feel how close your own private area is to that. This has been shown to cause weird sexual associations/problems in some people. This being a possibility tells me God could not possibly have intended us to do this!
Sex is the spiritual glue that makes the man and wife "one flesh." It bonds us and brings new life to the world thru that act. If something we're doing to our children can disrupt that or pervert that...it can't be "of God" but must be of that other guy who is here to steal, kill, and destroy...
Spanking may cause sexual deviancy
Spanking can cause mental illness
Spanking kids increases risk of sexual problems as adults
Spanking may lead to sexual problems later
Is it discipline or sexual assault?
Spanking may lead to sexual problems later in life
Spanking raises risk of later sexual problems
Sex is the spiritual glue that makes the man and wife "one flesh." It bonds us and brings new life to the world thru that act. If something we're doing to our children can disrupt that or pervert that...it can't be "of God" but must be of that other guy who is here to steal, kill, and destroy...
Spanking may cause sexual deviancy
Spanking can cause mental illness
Spanking kids increases risk of sexual problems as adults
Spanking may lead to sexual problems later
Is it discipline or sexual assault?
Spanking may lead to sexual problems later in life
Spanking raises risk of later sexual problems
You see this plant? How did the plants get twisted this way? They were twisted when they were young and flexible and when they are old...they do not depart from it. This is Romans 1 evidence in nature that you mix spanking and "love" and that twisting of pain, the genital area, and love will remain intertwined! :(
18. It is inappropriate for me to touch my child disrespectfully in a sexual area. The fact that I the buttocks is a "sexual" area of the body is demonstrated by the fact that I would not rub or massage my child's buttocks without feeling weird...nor would I feel OK with seeing someone else do it to my children. Therefore...I see this as evidence that this is not an area to be hit either.
The buttocks is a sexual area
The buttocks is a sexual area
19. In the book of Proverbs, the word used for the type of "child" that is to be struck is a very specific word. It's the word for "male teenager." Biblically, there is no foundation or instruction to hit toddlers, small children, or babies in any way...and NEVER a female.
20. In the Bible people were always and only struck on the back not the buttocks and no one in the modern world would be OK with parents whipping their children's backs. If we really wanna be Biblical about it, we'd use what they used and hit where they hit back then...and we don't. If we can't do that...there's something wrong with our modern interpretation and practice. This is at least one reason to question and to thoroughly investigate this practice rather than to blindly follow what the culture has come to accept.
A wooden spoon is not "the rod" that they were talking about in Proverbs. Not even close! If we were willing to use the true rod spoken of in the Bible and could agree that using that on our children would help them...then we could all agree that spanking is a Biblical idea...but I don't think any Christians are gonna try and assert that we're supposed to club our children...THAT would be consistent with the "rod verses" if they are to be taken literally...
Not something to be dismissed. This is serious...
A wooden spoon is not "the rod" that they were talking about in Proverbs. Not even close! If we were willing to use the true rod spoken of in the Bible and could agree that using that on our children would help them...then we could all agree that spanking is a Biblical idea...but I don't think any Christians are gonna try and assert that we're supposed to club our children...THAT would be consistent with the "rod verses" if they are to be taken literally...
Not something to be dismissed. This is serious...
21. "The Rod" in the Bible was a weapon used for predators…not for hitting sheep. The fact that if you fail to use the rod you hate your son is evident in seeing a wolf attack a sheep and doing nothing to stop it. If you were a shepherd and failed to use the rod to protect your sheep you would hate the sheep. But, if a wolf was attacking the sheep and you hit...the sheep...this would obviously only make the predator's attack more successful...
This is why David said, "Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me." David knew God's rod was for David's protection and wasn't something for David to fear but something for his enemies to fear. We need to parent so that our children can have this same confidence that David had in his Father!
Here's an easy self-test about the Biblical use of the rod which talks about David and how God was the perfect GPS/bodyguard!
22. Jesus is my example as to how to live…and He had 12 disciples. They were called disciples because He disciplined them. And, nowhere in scripture do I see Jesus hitting or threatening or punishing the disciples. What I see Jesus doing with the disciples to discipline them to make them be His disciples is my example of how to be a parent and discipline my children...
1 Peter 2:21
For you have been called for this purpose, since Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example for you to follow in His steps
Ephesians 6:4
Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
23. The fruit of not-spanking is incredible…because all of the things the kids do RIGHT you know are coming from a good heart and not because of fear of punishment!
Links to posts about the fruits of not spanking!
24. It hides our children's true hearts from us. Instilling a fear of punishment to control behavior works against us because bad behavior is a symptom of problems inside our children's hearts...and if those symptoms are repressed when they are little then we can't deal with them and help them and those things…reappear once the fear of spanking is gone…It's commonly thought of as "teenage rebellion" but it is actually just those symptoms that we repressed in our kids when they were little.
25. Spanking/hitting…even as a "last resort"…teaches kids that when you run out of words and you still can't get your way with someone it's OK to resort to force. Children obviously have lesser resources, ideas, and run out of words sooner. So, if you run out after x amount of tries, maybe your toddler will have to resort to hitting after saying, "Gimme that!" once...but it's the same thing.
And, if you watch your kids, you will see that they use the same techniques on each other that we use on them. I've seen it. The same words of coercion and manipulation and threatening that I've ever used on my kids...when they are trying to get their way with their siblings they use the same thing. Someday, these same techniques will be used on friends, bosses, co-workers, and our grandchildren. Modeling how to "use your words and NEVER resort to using force" is a critical skill we must teach our children if they are to succeed in life!!!
26. Spanking/hitting…even as a "last resort"…still leaves kids living in fear and focused on acting the way you want despite how they truly feel inside…which again…leaves them in fear and hides their true hearts from you. They will still never be confident to share their whole selves with you and feel safe in your love "no matter WHAT they do."
27. If spanking/hitting "as a last resort" was "good" it would not need to be reserved as a "last resort." We don't eat broccoli "as a last resort." We don't drive the speed limit "as a last resort." If we have to do this as a "last resort" that's probably a clue that we shouldn't be doing it at all. And, if we have to disclaimer it with that...if we have to say, "yeah, BUUUUT, I only do it as a last resort..." Why do we even do it when clearly the truth on our hearts it telling us it's not right or good?
God is good...all the time. And, you can always talk openly and freely about that which is good. If we have to do this "as a last resort" I see that as a clue that it's not good...therefore...not of God.
28. If spanking/hitting "as a last resort" it would look OK to see Jesus doing it.
But, that's not what we saw Jesus do on earth is it? And, if this picture doesn't offend you, I don't know what to even say to you? But, if we can't picture Jesus doing it...it's not right.
Romans 5:6
For while we were still helpless, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly.
1 Peter 3:18
For Christ also died for sins once for all, the just for the unjust
Ephesians 2:1-3
And you were dead in your trespasses and sins, in which you formerly walked according to the[c]course of this world, according to the prince of the power of the air, of the spirit that is now working in the sons of disobedience. Among them we too all formerly lived in the lusts of our flesh, indulging the desires of the flesh and of the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, even as the rest.
And, His "last resort" was seen on the cross...
Hebrews 12:2-5
...Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
...Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
For consider Him who has endured such hostility by sinners against Himself, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. You have not yet resisted to the point of shedding blood in your striving against sin; and you have forgotten the exhortation which is addressed to you as sons,
So, how about the parents who talk of "using spanking as a last resort." Have those parents resisted to the point of truly SUFFERING in their striving against their children's wrong choices? Have they resisted or fought against it to the point of shedding blood (as did Jesus...as in HIS OWN) before they use that "last resort?" Hardly.
The "last resort" argument is not one modeled by Jesus at all...and if Jesus isn't modeling it we shouldn't be doing it. In fact...God does not punish us UNTIL we have rejected fully His resistance to our sin in shedding His own blood, does He?! And, even then, it's not like hell is a "punishment" to "teach us a lesson" or "teach us to be good." Hell is actually just a "natural consequence" of our sin...eternal separation from God is a choice.
30. Spanking/hitting is too arbitrary. What inspires the parent to think a child "deserves" having some pain is not etched in stone like the 10 Commandments, but, varies from parent to parent. And, in some families where children are spanked by other family members (like grandmothers, etc) this makes it even more confusing to the children.
The spanking rules then are not really teaching the children what is "right and wrong" but rather what "inspires so n' so to spank me or not." This puts the focus of the child's behavior on pleasing the person in authority over them for fear of getting a spanking or not. The lessons of "right and wrong" are missing in this and this type of learning to navigate life fails the child once there is no one "over them" to judge their behaviors all the time.
31. Since a parent hitting a child is a huge deal, God would have paid better attention to it and given more serious instruction concerning it. The lack of instruction as to when and how to hit a child in the Bible is alarming. But, there is a verse that says that if you, "Cause a child to stumble it'd be better for you to have a huge stone tied around your neck and for you to be tossed into the sea." This was said in the days before horror movies. These would have been strong words!
32. The Bible does say that fathers are not to frustrate or anger their children. Biology (the study of the bodies God created) shows us that being struck does stimulate us to frustration and anger. Therefore, God could not have intended for us to hit our children if He built their bodies to react to pain as He did and He told us not to make them mad?
Ephesians 6:4
Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
Proverbs 12:25
Anxiety in a man’s heart weighs it down
James 3:17-18
But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, reasonable, full of mercy and good fruits, unwavering, without hypocrisy. And the seed whose fruit is righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace.
33. Part of the natural learning process involves being hurt. Kids make mistakes and fall and get hurt. We expect them not to quit but to keep trying despite the pain. But, yet, when they do certain things we expect them to STOP doing certain things when they feel pain. This doesn't make sense.
If God intended that pain be used to STOP behavior something would have been wired differently so that falling down didn't hurt because clearly God expects us to get back up. He expects that the pain will not stop us. Therefore, using pain via spanking/hitting to stop behavior is not how God designed us. Parents wonder why after receiving this pain/spanking that kids do the same thing again...and this could be why. Because God wired us to NOT be stopped by pain but to persevere no matter what to get what we want...
34. People will try to say, "I was spanked and I'm OK." God made our bodies with kidneys, spleens, livers…all kinds of "filters" to filter out toxins in our diets to keep us safe and healthy. And, likewise, we are able to turn out "OK" even if we were spanked as children. Jesus, my example, came to give me LIFE and that more abundantly. He wants me and my children not to just "turn out OK" but to thrive!
And, the research has shown links to depression, loss of intelligence, anxiety, aggression, sexual problems, etc...due to spanking. If you have any emotional problems and still attempt to say that, "I was spanked and I'm OK" the evidence would demonstrate that you're actually not...
And, I would say that if you think it's OK for a full-grown adult to resort to hitting a child to "teach them lessons" then that is another evidence that you're not...OK!
And, the research has shown links to depression, loss of intelligence, anxiety, aggression, sexual problems, etc...due to spanking. If you have any emotional problems and still attempt to say that, "I was spanked and I'm OK" the evidence would demonstrate that you're actually not...
And, I would say that if you think it's OK for a full-grown adult to resort to hitting a child to "teach them lessons" then that is another evidence that you're not...OK!
35. Pain only hurts it doesn't bring life. Romans 1 says we can see truths about how God is in the Creation. Nowhere in nature do we see anything that's "thriving" that does so due to pain. Some things necessary to help growth cause pain but the pain is a byproduct of the real thing. No physical illness or anything is cured exclusively by "pain." All spanking is is the administration of "pain."
Discipline sometimes is quite painful but the pain is the byproduct of the disciplining. True discipline is not "pain" but sometimes causes it. Jesus disciplines us. Our Father God disciplines us. Sometimes this is painful but the pain is not the cure. Spanking is not discipline. Spanking is only pain.
36. It IS possible to have a happy healthy child who is not a tyrant without ever hitting/spanking them! I have one! And, the fruit of that is awesome!!
37. God is concerned with our hearts not our actions. And, spanking only addresses the actions. Discipline addresses the heart. You can only address the outside by hitting the outside of the child's body. But, when you get involved in their life and their heart and you talk to them...that gets inside them where the problem is. And, being in pain actually shuts off the logical thinking part of the brain which means...that it actually shuts off the route to the heart. The heart is shut off and protected from "discipline" when the body is being "punished." God designed the body this way.
We know, as Christians, that it is the hidden person of the heart that God is looking for...not our actions. It is not by our actions that we are saved. Over and over the Bible consistently reminds us that it is our hearts that God is concerned with to the point that not even our GOOD actions really matter!
38. There are things in the world that are equivalent to discipline like jogging. Many people freely enter into the discipline. We look at those people and admire their healthy choice to discipline themselves this way. Jogging can be painful. Jogging is an example of true discipline.
If we know someone who freely enters into things to cause themselves pain…someone who engages in acts of "self-harm" just for the sake of feeling that pain, we do not admire those people and think they are making a healthy choice because seeking pain would be a sign of a psychological problem.
Pain is punishment. Pain is not life giving. You can cause pain quickly and easily. Spanking is pain. Discipline, as in the discipline of jogging…is time consuming. The pain comes on slowly and is a "good pain" that leads to health and life. Punishment and pain are not the same thing.
Disciplining children is like jogging. It takes time, effort, sweat, and sometimes tears but it is all good pain. Healthy pain that you can be proud of and admired for. Pain…spanking…is not the same.
Spanking, therefore, actually "witholds discipline from the child."
We know, as Christians, that it is the hidden person of the heart that God is looking for...not our actions. It is not by our actions that we are saved. Over and over the Bible consistently reminds us that it is our hearts that God is concerned with to the point that not even our GOOD actions really matter!
Isaiah 64:6
For all of us have become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous deeds are like a filthy garment...
Galatians 2:16
...since by the works of the Law no flesh will be justified.
Ephesians 2:8
For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God;
1 Samuel 16:7
...for God sees not as man sees, for man looks atthe outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”
1 Peter 3:3-5
Your adornment must not be merely external—braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God.
Acts 13:22
...‘I have found David the son of Jesse, a man after My heart, who will do all My will.’
If we know someone who freely enters into things to cause themselves pain…someone who engages in acts of "self-harm" just for the sake of feeling that pain, we do not admire those people and think they are making a healthy choice because seeking pain would be a sign of a psychological problem.
Pain is punishment. Pain is not life giving. You can cause pain quickly and easily. Spanking is pain. Discipline, as in the discipline of jogging…is time consuming. The pain comes on slowly and is a "good pain" that leads to health and life. Punishment and pain are not the same thing.
Disciplining children is like jogging. It takes time, effort, sweat, and sometimes tears but it is all good pain. Healthy pain that you can be proud of and admired for. Pain…spanking…is not the same.
Spanking, therefore, actually "witholds discipline from the child."
39. Spanking does not demonstrate the forgiveness Jesus suffered to give us. If I must get payment for my children's misdeeds then I am not being like the Father who is my example how to be a parent.
The best time to cut down an oak tree is when it's a sapling. When it's just sprouted. And, so satan's attack on children is swift and sure and the best way to convince someone to do something is to say it's of God…and so this attack is most powerfully coming from the church and protected by the, "the liberals just don't want us to be able to discipline our children" way of thinking.
Spanking is not discipline. And, God never intended for us to hit our children. Everything He created in nature points to this and it is a darn shame that we…the church…the cream of the crop…the friends of God…are not leading the way in the world for respecting children and "using our words" and demonstrating how the Prince of Peace who died for us would treat them. It's a darn shame that Christians have come so far as to believe that one is LESS like Christ if they fail to hit/spank their child.
Pic: Two large oaks and a buncha' new trees
which have grown all around on the ground.
Getting those two big ones down would be a big job...
but it doesn't take much to be rid of those little trees which have just sprouted.
40. Spanking does not proclaim that Jesus has come in the flesh. Remember that verse that tells us how to differentiate between teachers we should follow and ones we shouldn't?
1 John 4:1-3
Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, because many false prophets have gone out into the world. By this you know the Spirit of God: every spirit that confesses that Jesus Christ has come in the flesh is from God; and every spirit that does not confess Jesus is not from God; this is the spiritof the antichrist, of which you have heard that it is coming, and now it is already in the world.
And, what does it even mean that "Jesus has come in the flesh and is from God?" What significance does this even have?
I'd venture to say a few things...
Sin enslaves us...
Romans 6:16
Do you not know that when you present yourselves to someone as slaves for obedience, you are slaves of the one whom you obey, either of sin resulting in death, or of obedience resulting in righteousness?
Mankind was enslaved because all who had reached the Jewish age of accountability had chosen to turn from God...
Isaiah 53:6
All of us like sheep have gone astray, Each of us has turned to his own way
Romans 3:23
All have sinned
("sinned" is verb that means all have engaged in sinning)
Therefore, since we'd all made that choice and were enslaved to sin...Jesus came to save us...
Isaiah 53:6
All of us like sheep have gone astray, Each of us has turned to his own way; But the Lord has caused the iniquity of us all To fall on Him.
Jesus said on the cross, "It is finished."
John 19:30
Therefore when Jesus had received the sour wine, He said, “It is finished!” And He bowed His head and gave up His spirit.
Hebrews 10:18
Now where there is forgiveness of these things, there is no longer any offering for sin.
1 Corinthians 1:17
For Christ did not send me to baptize, but to preach the gospel, not in cleverness of speech, so that the cross of Christ would not be made void.
Colossians 2:14
...having canceled out the certificate of debt consisting of decrees against us, which was hostile to us; and He has taken it out of the way, having nailed it to the cross.
2 Peter 2:1
But false prophets also arose among the people, just as there will also be false teachers among you, who will secretly introduce destructive heresies, even denying the Master who bought them, bringing swift destruction upon themselves.
If you cannot understand this...could it be that you don't really understand what Jesus did for us on the cross?
1 Corinthians 1:18
For the word of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God.
Because, of this, would that be why you do not realize that spanking is actually of no value...
Colossians 2:23
These are matters which have, to be sure, the appearance of wisdom in self-made religion and self-abasementand severe treatment of the body, but are of no value against fleshly indulgence.
Or worse...what if by exacting payment from our children for their wrong doings and by following the Old Testament laws about "the rod" (even if misapplied) we are shaming Christ? Could it be that for Christians who have stood at the foot of the cross and asked forgiveness and received it...and have then turned and focused on their children's works and on punishing them for their "sins" that we are again crucifying Jesus and putting Him to open shame before the eyes of the world who see us as hypocrites for hitting our children?
Hebrews 6:1-6
Therefore leaving the elementary teaching about the Christ, let us press on to maturity, not laying again a foundation of repentance from dead works and of faith toward God, of instruction about washings and laying on of hands, and the resurrection of the dead and eternal judgment. And this we will do, if God permits.
For in the case of those who have once been enlightened and have tasted of the heavenly gift and have been made partakers of the Holy Spirit, and have tasted the good word of God and the powers of the age to come, and then have fallen away, it is impossible to renew them again to repentance, since they again crucify to themselves the Son of God and put Him to open shame.
What Christian would really be willing to risk this?
41. You cannot be a leader and spank. What do I mean? Imagine in the physical literal world. If you are say...leading some sheep. If you are in the lead they are to follow. And, if they identify you as their source of safety and see you as their leader...they will follow you.
But, if you are forcing the sheep to follow you...you cannot do that from ahead of them. In order to threaten them you have to leave the lead position and move around behind them. You must move around behind them into the follower or last position because if you are going to use fear or pain to head them in the direction you want them to go you have to be behind them.
When you are behind them scaring them into moving the direction you want, then the sheep are actually left without a leader because you are not up there leading...you're behind them scaring/hurting them. As they're moving, they look out ahead and there is no leader there just "life" and the road ahead. And, all they know is to keep moving away from the person scaring and hurting them. Sometimes they will go to the left or to the right and if it's wrong they will find out when they "get what they got comin' to them." They will change course. But, ultimately, if you are driving a flock with fear and pain you are not leading...actually...they are.
One argument against "not" spanking one will inevitably hear is that if you do not spank your kids will run wild...and will "rule the roost." But, when you are behind your children driving them instead of leading them...they are ahead of you. They are leading you in that your parenting depends on which way the children turn. Then, you react and correct their direction.
This truth that you cannot lead with pain without moving into the rear or follower position is yet another clue that it's "wrong" to use pain and fear to "lead" your sheep (family). Imagine if you, as the leader, were to refuse to go to the rear of the pack and insist on staying in your leadership spot and attempt to use fear and pain to "lead" your sheep from that position...guess what? The sheep...being "threatened" and "hurt" (as in "do this or you'll get a spanking!" or the pain of the actual spanking) will end up running in the opposite direction that you are going...away from the source of pain and threat of pain.
Sound like "teenage rebellion?"
42. Being raised being hit for wrongdoing puts it inside a person that when someone does us wrong they must be punished. This impedes our ability to forgive as Jesus does because we grow up expecting that people who wrong us need to pay. And, we are commanded to forgive. And, we are forgiven as we forgive. This is a big problem. Why would any parent do something that's going to hinder our children's ability to forgive as God does?
Spanking our children and punishing them for their wrongs gives them a disability in the area of forgiveness. And, it is not modeling Christ.
Mark 11:25-27
Whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father who is in heaven will also forgive you your transgressions. But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father who is in heaven forgive your transgressions.”
Matthew 18:21
Then Peter came and said to Him, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times?”
Ephesians 4:32
Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.
43. Being raised being hit for wrongdoing puts it inside us that when we do wrong we are not at peace with ourselves if we do not get punished. Jesus said that as we forgive we shall be forgiven. We are impeded in feeling and being forgiven. This is really sad.
An experience I had when I wronged my teenaged son tells about this...
44. Having a fear of being caught in our sins helps blind us to our sin because we instinctively and automatically jump to justifications and excuses for our own sins because of the God-given fear of pain. If we justify and make excuses for our sins we aren't confessing them and if we're not confessing them we can't be forgiven, cleansed, and healed!
God designed us to avoid pain. So, why would He want us to do something to our children which would hinder them from confessing, being cleansed and forgiven?
45. Once you cross the line and follow thru on purposely inflicting pain on your helpless child something huge changes in your relationship which you can't fix. Can you imagine if God would cross that line and start hurting us to teach us lessons?
46. Oh! That's another point! God will get the blame! Being raised this way, when satan does enter someone's life and steals, kills, and destroys...God will get the blame for it if the person came to believe growing up that God hurts us to teach us lessons. This is, in my opinion, a crime.
Prov. 10:22
It is the blessing of the Lord that makes rich, And He adds no sorrow to it.
Isaiah 5:20
Woe to those who call evil good, and good evil; Who substitute darkness for light and light for darkness; Who substitute bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter!
God is Love
God is good
James 1:17
Every good thing given and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shifting shadow...
Genesis
God looked at everything He'd made and said it was very good...
47. It's difficult if not impossible to know the line between what you think is "discipline" and what is actually "abuse." Each person has different pain tolerances and sensitivities so it's impossible to know how many times or how hard a child may be hit before it's crossed the line into "abuse."
It's also been shown that children with attachment issues (such as adopted kids) have a higher pain tolerance which can lead their often Christian parents to hit them harder and harder to get the desired response from the children.
48. If you made a mark like the one above on any other type of person...even a person big enough to defend themselves...you'd be arrested. If you hit/spanked/struck (whatever you wanna call it) an elderly parent, your doctor, your nurse, your pool boy, your neighbor's child, a coworker, a school teacher...you name it! If you did what parents call "discipline" to any other type of person...even ones big enough to defend themselves...you would be...arrested.
49. For those with any hint of "temper" there is always the danger of really hurting the child. It will never happen if you just don't start going there to begin with. Better safe than sorry.
50. It's a "slippery slope." When a parent has never crossed the line and decided they were OK with hitting/spanking their child the chances of abusing the child are slim. If the parent has crossed the line the line of where the spanking is turned into a beating is blurry.
51. The child learns that they have no right to protect their own body from pain if the person is in authority over them who wishes to inflict that pain. By the time they are 18 many different adults will have had authority over them and not all of those adults will have that child's best interest at heart. To protect the child from abuse by other adults when we are not there to protect them the child needs to know that they have a right to say "no" to something they don't like happening to their bodies.
48. If you made a mark like the one above on any other type of person...even a person big enough to defend themselves...you'd be arrested. If you hit/spanked/struck (whatever you wanna call it) an elderly parent, your doctor, your nurse, your pool boy, your neighbor's child, a coworker, a school teacher...you name it! If you did what parents call "discipline" to any other type of person...even ones big enough to defend themselves...you would be...arrested.
49. For those with any hint of "temper" there is always the danger of really hurting the child. It will never happen if you just don't start going there to begin with. Better safe than sorry.
50. It's a "slippery slope." When a parent has never crossed the line and decided they were OK with hitting/spanking their child the chances of abusing the child are slim. If the parent has crossed the line the line of where the spanking is turned into a beating is blurry.
51. The child learns that they have no right to protect their own body from pain if the person is in authority over them who wishes to inflict that pain. By the time they are 18 many different adults will have had authority over them and not all of those adults will have that child's best interest at heart. To protect the child from abuse by other adults when we are not there to protect them the child needs to know that they have a right to say "no" to something they don't like happening to their bodies.
52. Children who are spanked are more likely to then use the same technique for getting submissive behavior from smaller siblings or playmates. This can lead to bullying.
53. Children who are spanked are usually also taught to hug the parent afterwards and to even be "thankful" for the spanking. To turn lovingly toward someone who has just hurt you is a bit weird and would definitely confuse what love is. And, this seems to be more like something satan would come up with than God because God IS LOVE. And, the perversion of what love is in our country (world) is something satan would be behind.
One thing Atheists will often scoff God for is all the pain and suffering in the world. If the world never associated love/pain with "parents" they would not look at this Father figure as the author of pain and suffering in the world. God gets a bad rap from this. God gets deprived His children's love because of this.
54. Due to the fallibility of the parents there is always the possibility that the parent will execute punishment on an innocent child. Or, that you will not take the time to fully understand why the child has done what they've done and this will only fill the child with resentment. (getting back to that verse about not exasperating our children!)
55. Due to the fallibility of parents...if a child is too frequently is punished for something they haven't really done, the child can grow up to become a person who likewise jumps to conclusions and "judges" people before hearing whole stories. This can cause a whole pile of troubles for that adult in every relationship they ever have as well as and most importantly, their relationship with God.
Luke 6:37
Due to the fact that children are going to have good heart motives sometimes and have bad outward actions because they are young and inexperienced...for parents to judge these children as worthy of punishment at times they are very good in their hearts will only make them doubt their own hearts and motives...and make it difficult for them to ever hear the voice of God for themselves. The parent acting as judge will be a stumbling block for the child. Never are parents instructed in the Bible to "be a judge" to the child. Only God can judge them. You are to lead...as Jesus led and leave the judgment to God.
One thing Atheists will often scoff God for is all the pain and suffering in the world. If the world never associated love/pain with "parents" they would not look at this Father figure as the author of pain and suffering in the world. God gets a bad rap from this. God gets deprived His children's love because of this.
54. Due to the fallibility of the parents there is always the possibility that the parent will execute punishment on an innocent child. Or, that you will not take the time to fully understand why the child has done what they've done and this will only fill the child with resentment. (getting back to that verse about not exasperating our children!)
55. Due to the fallibility of parents...if a child is too frequently is punished for something they haven't really done, the child can grow up to become a person who likewise jumps to conclusions and "judges" people before hearing whole stories. This can cause a whole pile of troubles for that adult in every relationship they ever have as well as and most importantly, their relationship with God.
Luke 6:37
“Do not judge, and you will not be judged; and do not condemn, and you will not be condemned; pardon, and you will be pardoned.
56. It can lead kids to reject the God of their parents. If the children see the parents as very fallible and exercising judgment on them they could come to reject the parents because of "hypocrisy" and also reject their teachings which for the Christian parents is a tragedy!
57. Due to the fallibility of parents...parents can mess up the child's sense of being able to judge themselves rightly. And, being able to judge yourself rightly is essential to avoiding sin! Being able to rightly judge yourself not only keeps you out of sin, but, is necessary for physical health!
Due to the fact that children are going to have good heart motives sometimes and have bad outward actions because they are young and inexperienced...for parents to judge these children as worthy of punishment at times they are very good in their hearts will only make them doubt their own hearts and motives...and make it difficult for them to ever hear the voice of God for themselves. The parent acting as judge will be a stumbling block for the child. Never are parents instructed in the Bible to "be a judge" to the child. Only God can judge them. You are to lead...as Jesus led and leave the judgment to God.
John 5:22
For not even the Father judges anyone, but He has given all judgment to the Son,
John 8:15
You judge according to the flesh; I am not judging anyone.
1 John 3:21
Beloved, if our heart does not condemn us, we have confidence before God;
James 4:17
Therefore to one who knows the right thing to do and does not do it to him it is sin.
1 Cor. 11:28-30
...a man must examine himself, and in so doing he is to eat of the bread and drink of the cup. For he who eats and drinks, eats and drinks judgment to himself if he does not judge the body rightly. For this reason many among you are weak and sick, and a number sleep.
58. When they live in households where they are hurt/punished for making mistakes they end up feeling safer with their peers than with parents. This pushes our kids to seek out someone who WILL accept them and not hurt them no matter what they do. They find this acceptance in their peers. To send our children to their peers for counsel and acceptance really…nothing could be more devastating to a child than to follow other children rather than their parents!
We DO love our children and WOULD die or kill for them. Their peers don't love them this way. And, so for our children to decide that they are safest with their peers and that their peers are their REAL friends and that their friends are the ones who love and accept them...for them to feel this way about people who would not sacrifice for them is truly sad and a tragedy.
God IS love and for us to do things which push our children to identify LOVE in the people who do not care for them truly...who would not sacrifice for them...who would stand by and watch them do harmful things to themselves...this is a crime against God! :(
59. Kids will learn to feel more comfortable "dirty." You know it says that "when we confess our sins He is faithful and just to forgive us and cleanse us from all unrighteousness?" Hitting our kids when they do wrong makes them afraid to confess and prevents them from being forgiven or cleansed. This is a sad and grievous thing! This would be like making bathing painful. If bathing required the use of acid and a metal brush all the time no one would want a bath and everyone would be filthy and stink. People would come up with all kinds of ways to avoid bathing.
If our children are afraid to confess to us because OUR cleansing involves pain...they will also then be afraid to confess to God and will quickly learn to justify and deny their wrongdoings. And, they will do anything to avoid those baths leaving them filthy and stinky...inside...
60. Modern shepherds carry a staff (for guiding the sheep) and a gun (for protecting the sheep from predation which is a serious threat.) Ancient shepherds carried the staff…and since guns had not yet been invented they carried a club that had spikes on the end of it: the rod. The rod was for the predators not the sheep!!!
This is the reason that David could say that God's "rod and staff" gave him comfort even in the valley of the shadow of death. David knew that God would lead him when he was lost (like a GPS does) and was the best bodyguard against threats EVER!
41. You cannot be a leader and spank. What do I mean? Imagine in the physical literal world. If you are say...leading some sheep. If you are in the lead they are to follow. And, if they identify you as their source of safety and see you as their leader...they will follow you.
But, if you are forcing the sheep to follow you...you cannot do that from ahead of them. In order to threaten them you have to leave the lead position and move around behind them. You must move around behind them into the follower or last position because if you are going to use fear or pain to head them in the direction you want them to go you have to be behind them.
When you are behind them scaring them into moving the direction you want, then the sheep are actually left without a leader because you are not up there leading...you're behind them scaring/hurting them. As they're moving, they look out ahead and there is no leader there just "life" and the road ahead. And, all they know is to keep moving away from the person scaring and hurting them. Sometimes they will go to the left or to the right and if it's wrong they will find out when they "get what they got comin' to them." They will change course. But, ultimately, if you are driving a flock with fear and pain you are not leading...actually...they are.
One argument against "not" spanking one will inevitably hear is that if you do not spank your kids will run wild...and will "rule the roost." But, when you are behind your children driving them instead of leading them...they are ahead of you. They are leading you in that your parenting depends on which way the children turn. Then, you react and correct their direction.
This truth that you cannot lead with pain without moving into the rear or follower position is yet another clue that it's "wrong" to use pain and fear to "lead" your sheep (family). Imagine if you, as the leader, were to refuse to go to the rear of the pack and insist on staying in your leadership spot and attempt to use fear and pain to "lead" your sheep from that position...guess what? The sheep...being "threatened" and "hurt" (as in "do this or you'll get a spanking!" or the pain of the actual spanking) will end up running in the opposite direction that you are going...away from the source of pain and threat of pain.
Sound like "teenage rebellion?"
42. Being raised being hit for wrongdoing puts it inside a person that when someone does us wrong they must be punished. This impedes our ability to forgive as Jesus does because we grow up expecting that people who wrong us need to pay. And, we are commanded to forgive. And, we are forgiven as we forgive. This is a big problem. Why would any parent do something that's going to hinder our children's ability to forgive as God does?
Spanking our children and punishing them for their wrongs gives them a disability in the area of forgiveness. And, it is not modeling Christ.
Mark 11:25-27
Whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father who is in heaven will also forgive you your transgressions. But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father who is in heaven forgive your transgressions.”
Matthew 18:21
Then Peter came and said to Him, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times?”
Ephesians 4:32
Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.
43. Being raised being hit for wrongdoing puts it inside us that when we do wrong we are not at peace with ourselves if we do not get punished. Jesus said that as we forgive we shall be forgiven. We are impeded in feeling and being forgiven. This is really sad.
An experience I had when I wronged my teenaged son tells about this...
44. Having a fear of being caught in our sins helps blind us to our sin because we instinctively and automatically jump to justifications and excuses for our own sins because of the God-given fear of pain. If we justify and make excuses for our sins we aren't confessing them and if we're not confessing them we can't be forgiven, cleansed, and healed!
God designed us to avoid pain. So, why would He want us to do something to our children which would hinder them from confessing, being cleansed and forgiven?
45. Once you cross the line and follow thru on purposely inflicting pain on your helpless child something huge changes in your relationship which you can't fix. Can you imagine if God would cross that line and start hurting us to teach us lessons?
46. Oh! That's another point! God will get the blame! Being raised this way, when satan does enter someone's life and steals, kills, and destroys...God will get the blame for it if the person came to believe growing up that God hurts us to teach us lessons. This is, in my opinion, a crime.
Prov. 10:22
It is the blessing of the Lord that makes rich, And He adds no sorrow to it.
Isaiah 5:20
Woe to those who call evil good, and good evil; Who substitute darkness for light and light for darkness; Who substitute bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter!
God is Love
God is good
James 1:17
Every good thing given and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shifting shadow...
Genesis
God looked at everything He'd made and said it was very good...
47. It's difficult if not impossible to know the line between what you think is "discipline" and what is actually "abuse." Each person has different pain tolerances and sensitivities so it's impossible to know how many times or how hard a child may be hit before it's crossed the line into "abuse."
It's also been shown that children with attachment issues (such as adopted kids) have a higher pain tolerance which can lead their often Christian parents to hit them harder and harder to get the desired response from the children.
48. If you made a mark like the one above on any other type of person...even a person big enough to defend themselves...you'd be arrested. If you hit/spanked/struck (whatever you wanna call it) an elderly parent, your doctor, your nurse, your pool boy, your neighbor's child, a coworker, a school teacher...you name it! If you did what parents call "discipline" to any other type of person...even ones big enough to defend themselves...you would be...arrested.
49. For those with any hint of "temper" there is always the danger of really hurting the child. It will never happen if you just don't start going there to begin with. Better safe than sorry.
50. It's a "slippery slope." When a parent has never crossed the line and decided they were OK with hitting/spanking their child the chances of abusing the child are slim. If the parent has crossed the line the line of where the spanking is turned into a beating is blurry.
51. The child learns that they have no right to protect their own body from pain if the person is in authority over them who wishes to inflict that pain. By the time they are 18 many different adults will have had authority over them and not all of those adults will have that child's best interest at heart. To protect the child from abuse by other adults when we are not there to protect them the child needs to know that they have a right to say "no" to something they don't like happening to their bodies.
48. If you made a mark like the one above on any other type of person...even a person big enough to defend themselves...you'd be arrested. If you hit/spanked/struck (whatever you wanna call it) an elderly parent, your doctor, your nurse, your pool boy, your neighbor's child, a coworker, a school teacher...you name it! If you did what parents call "discipline" to any other type of person...even ones big enough to defend themselves...you would be...arrested.
49. For those with any hint of "temper" there is always the danger of really hurting the child. It will never happen if you just don't start going there to begin with. Better safe than sorry.
50. It's a "slippery slope." When a parent has never crossed the line and decided they were OK with hitting/spanking their child the chances of abusing the child are slim. If the parent has crossed the line the line of where the spanking is turned into a beating is blurry.
51. The child learns that they have no right to protect their own body from pain if the person is in authority over them who wishes to inflict that pain. By the time they are 18 many different adults will have had authority over them and not all of those adults will have that child's best interest at heart. To protect the child from abuse by other adults when we are not there to protect them the child needs to know that they have a right to say "no" to something they don't like happening to their bodies.
52. Children who are spanked are more likely to then use the same technique for getting submissive behavior from smaller siblings or playmates. This can lead to bullying.
53. Children who are spanked are usually also taught to hug the parent afterwards and to even be "thankful" for the spanking. To turn lovingly toward someone who has just hurt you is a bit weird and would definitely confuse what love is. And, this seems to be more like something satan would come up with than God because God IS LOVE. And, the perversion of what love is in our country (world) is something satan would be behind.
One thing Atheists will often scoff God for is all the pain and suffering in the world. If the world never associated love/pain with "parents" they would not look at this Father figure as the author of pain and suffering in the world. God gets a bad rap from this. God gets deprived His children's love because of this.
54. Due to the fallibility of the parents there is always the possibility that the parent will execute punishment on an innocent child. Or, that you will not take the time to fully understand why the child has done what they've done and this will only fill the child with resentment. (getting back to that verse about not exasperating our children!)
55. Due to the fallibility of parents...if a child is too frequently is punished for something they haven't really done, the child can grow up to become a person who likewise jumps to conclusions and "judges" people before hearing whole stories. This can cause a whole pile of troubles for that adult in every relationship they ever have as well as and most importantly, their relationship with God.
Luke 6:37
Due to the fact that children are going to have good heart motives sometimes and have bad outward actions because they are young and inexperienced...for parents to judge these children as worthy of punishment at times they are very good in their hearts will only make them doubt their own hearts and motives...and make it difficult for them to ever hear the voice of God for themselves. The parent acting as judge will be a stumbling block for the child. Never are parents instructed in the Bible to "be a judge" to the child. Only God can judge them. You are to lead...as Jesus led and leave the judgment to God.
One thing Atheists will often scoff God for is all the pain and suffering in the world. If the world never associated love/pain with "parents" they would not look at this Father figure as the author of pain and suffering in the world. God gets a bad rap from this. God gets deprived His children's love because of this.
54. Due to the fallibility of the parents there is always the possibility that the parent will execute punishment on an innocent child. Or, that you will not take the time to fully understand why the child has done what they've done and this will only fill the child with resentment. (getting back to that verse about not exasperating our children!)
55. Due to the fallibility of parents...if a child is too frequently is punished for something they haven't really done, the child can grow up to become a person who likewise jumps to conclusions and "judges" people before hearing whole stories. This can cause a whole pile of troubles for that adult in every relationship they ever have as well as and most importantly, their relationship with God.
Luke 6:37
“Do not judge, and you will not be judged; and do not condemn, and you will not be condemned; pardon, and you will be pardoned.
56. It can lead kids to reject the God of their parents. If the children see the parents as very fallible and exercising judgment on them they could come to reject the parents because of "hypocrisy" and also reject their teachings which for the Christian parents is a tragedy!
57. Due to the fallibility of parents...parents can mess up the child's sense of being able to judge themselves rightly. And, being able to judge yourself rightly is essential to avoiding sin! Being able to rightly judge yourself not only keeps you out of sin, but, is necessary for physical health!
Due to the fact that children are going to have good heart motives sometimes and have bad outward actions because they are young and inexperienced...for parents to judge these children as worthy of punishment at times they are very good in their hearts will only make them doubt their own hearts and motives...and make it difficult for them to ever hear the voice of God for themselves. The parent acting as judge will be a stumbling block for the child. Never are parents instructed in the Bible to "be a judge" to the child. Only God can judge them. You are to lead...as Jesus led and leave the judgment to God.
John 5:22
For not even the Father judges anyone, but He has given all judgment to the Son,
John 8:15
You judge according to the flesh; I am not judging anyone.
1 John 3:21
Beloved, if our heart does not condemn us, we have confidence before God;
James 4:17
Therefore to one who knows the right thing to do and does not do it to him it is sin.
1 Cor. 11:28-30
...a man must examine himself, and in so doing he is to eat of the bread and drink of the cup. For he who eats and drinks, eats and drinks judgment to himself if he does not judge the body rightly. For this reason many among you are weak and sick, and a number sleep.
58. When they live in households where they are hurt/punished for making mistakes they end up feeling safer with their peers than with parents. This pushes our kids to seek out someone who WILL accept them and not hurt them no matter what they do. They find this acceptance in their peers. To send our children to their peers for counsel and acceptance really…nothing could be more devastating to a child than to follow other children rather than their parents!
We DO love our children and WOULD die or kill for them. Their peers don't love them this way. And, so for our children to decide that they are safest with their peers and that their peers are their REAL friends and that their friends are the ones who love and accept them...for them to feel this way about people who would not sacrifice for them is truly sad and a tragedy.
God IS love and for us to do things which push our children to identify LOVE in the people who do not care for them truly...who would not sacrifice for them...who would stand by and watch them do harmful things to themselves...this is a crime against God! :(
59. Kids will learn to feel more comfortable "dirty." You know it says that "when we confess our sins He is faithful and just to forgive us and cleanse us from all unrighteousness?" Hitting our kids when they do wrong makes them afraid to confess and prevents them from being forgiven or cleansed. This is a sad and grievous thing! This would be like making bathing painful. If bathing required the use of acid and a metal brush all the time no one would want a bath and everyone would be filthy and stink. People would come up with all kinds of ways to avoid bathing.
If our children are afraid to confess to us because OUR cleansing involves pain...they will also then be afraid to confess to God and will quickly learn to justify and deny their wrongdoings. And, they will do anything to avoid those baths leaving them filthy and stinky...inside...
60. Modern shepherds carry a staff (for guiding the sheep) and a gun (for protecting the sheep from predation which is a serious threat.) Ancient shepherds carried the staff…and since guns had not yet been invented they carried a club that had spikes on the end of it: the rod. The rod was for the predators not the sheep!!!
This is the reason that David could say that God's "rod and staff" gave him comfort even in the valley of the shadow of death. David knew that God would lead him when he was lost (like a GPS does) and was the best bodyguard against threats EVER!
61. Because I have to be able to ask the question, "Do I treat you that way?" And have the answer be, "No." This one struck me one day when two of my kids had a squabble. I asked, "Do I do that to you?" to emphasize that it's inappropriate for her to do what she'd just done. What hit me was there are several things my kids can do as an "offense" that I actually do.
If I want to be able to say, "Do I ever hit you?" to press the point that my kids should not hit one another...I can't spank.
62. God hasn't left us a list in the Bible of things that kids can and can't do and when they break one of those unchangeable rules they get hit. No! Each household has different rules. And, not only that...each authority figure within a household will even have different rules. Sometimes Grandma shows up and she even has authority to hit and has her own rules. Each authority figure will even have different rules depending on how much sleep they've had the night before, or if they've had too much/not enough coffee or wine!
So, truth is we do actually spank/hit when they have done something we have decided they can't do. We hit our children when we don't like what they do. When they cross a line that our opinion says shouldn't be crossed at that moment...that's when we commence whacking. That's just the truth. And, I don't think it's ever OK to hit anyone just because they've crossed a line I've drawn.
63. There are some who although they use the word, "spanking" and insist that it is different from "hitting"...will actually still say that they use something to do the hitting because "their hands are for loving." Those parents are inadvertently proving that hitting a child is not "loving." And, God is love. Therefore, I should not be hitting my child...not with my hand...not with my words...not with anything!
64. Google "spanking" and select to see "images." Seriously. Do it. See what comes up. If that doesn't reveal some truth about it I don't know what does. If you put in simply "spanking" like 99 out of 100 pics are kinky sex pics. Adults. In order for me to collect the pics I've sprinkled throughout these posts of children being spanked I had to specify "children" and even then I had to make sure my kids weren't looking at my screen because of all the kinky pics that are mingled in.
65. When we mess up we aren't "in trouble" with God. The psalmist said that God was, “My refuge and my fortress, My God, in whom I trust!” and "my refuge in the day of distress"
Jeremiah says of God... "You are my refuge in the day of disaster."
In Samuel it says, "My God, my rock, in whom I take refuge, My shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold and my refuge; My savior, You save me from violence."
Now. When your kids have done something wrong and they think of you finding out...do they think of you as a refuge? As something to save them from violence? Or, are YOU the source of the "trouble" as in they are afraid of you because, "I'm gonna be in SO MUCH TROUBLE when my parents find out."
This isn't how God is with us. If we are to parent like God we are to be the source of relief and safety from the problem...
66. This point came to me via facebook from Christina Driggers, a reader of this blog..."in order to spank your child you HAVE to separate your love from the hitting. Hitting your child hurts you right? So in order to do so you have to somehow, mind over matter, desensitize your heart, your instinct, your built in strong desire to protect your child from pain and harm....if you spank enough, your heart will become desensitized to your child's needs which can lead to greater harm and possibly abuse."
This is another great point because God built it into us to protect our children from harm. It's one of our strongest drives that "Mama Bear" that rises up inside of us when our child is threatened. This is how God created us to be, and to purposely shut that down in order to inflict pain on our children goes against God's design and is therefore NOT God's way...
67. My home, as a mini-government, needs to reflect God's government. Pro-spankers often accuse non-spankers of being "worldly" but...the civil government or the "worldly government" operates punitively. It punishes. God's government is one of self-sacrifice, forgiveness, cleansing, and healing. If I am punitive in my home I am imitating the world's government, not God's. If I am to imitate God as the ultimate "authority" in my home I must be self-sacrificial, forgiving, and cleansing and healing in my children's lives. The world's government punishes. God's government disciplines.
68. Matthew 18:10-14 “See that you do not despise one of these little ones, for I say to you that their angels in heaven continually see the face of My Father who is in heaven. For the Son of Man has come to save that which was lost."
Have ya ever really thought about that verse? What kinds of things do you "despise?" Mondays. Paying taxes. You despise things that do not give you pleasure and rob you of things you do love. The Bible very clearly tells us not to "despise" our children. I believe sadly that our culture sees children as a liability or thing that robs us of things we love (like money and leisure time and sleep.) And, this despising is only amplified by our punitive way of thinking about our children's behavior and by the hormonal activity in the brain when we engage in the act of striking our children to spank them. This could be its own very long blog post...
An antonym for "despise" is listed as "love." And, despite the fact that parents will insist that they spank "in love"...refer to the "love chapter" in 1 Cor. and see if spanking fits into that chapter?
Synonyms:
abhor, abominate, hate, detest, execrate, loathe
Antonyms:
love
69. The Good Shepherd's reaction to "wayward sheep" is not of punishment but of seeking, finding, and rejoicing!
“What do you think? If any man has a hundred sheep, and one of them has gone astray, does he not leave the ninety-nine on the mountains and go and search for the one that is straying? If it turns out that he finds it, truly I say to you, he rejoices over it more than over the ninety-nine which have not gone astray. So it is not the will of your Father who is in heaven that one of these little ones perish."
What does a parent normally do who parents punitively? If one of their "sheep goes astray" when they discover this do they rejoice over that child? Or, do they (back to #60) despise that child and punish them?
Picture the parent with a straying child in a parking lot. That child is most likely to get a whack on the rear than a joyful loving hug. The type of parenting which has parents striking their sheep is not what the Bible describes.
And, people don't realize that when they strike their child to get them to not go out in front of a car...what they are teaching the car is not to fear running out in front of cars because of fear of being hit by a car...but because of fear of being hit by the parents. :(
70. My own crimes against my Father in heaven can't even begin to be compared to my child's "crimes" against me in my home. My Father has richly forgiven me.He's looked at my HUGE HUGE mountain of debt and died for me and He's told me that He is my example how to live. He is my example how to be a parent. And, spanking and the attitude toward my child that goes along with that way of parenting would make me more like the unforgiving servant...and at the end of this story you can see what God thinks of it...
Matthew 18...
"“For this reason the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his slaves. When he had begun to settle them, one who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him. But since he did not have the means to repay, his lord commanded him to be sold, along with his wife and children and all that he had, and repayment to be made. So the slave fell to the ground and prostrated himself before him, saying, ‘Have patience with me and I will repay you everything.’ And the lord of that slave felt compassion and released him and forgave him the debt.
But that slave went out and found one of his fellow slaves who owed him a hundred denarii; and he seized him and began to choke him, saying, ‘Pay back what you owe.’ So his fellow slave fell to the ground and began to plead with him, saying, ‘Have patience with me and I will repay you.’ But he was unwilling and went and threw him in prison until he should pay back what was owed. So when his fellow slaves saw what had happened, they were deeply grieved and came and reported to their lord all that had happened.
Then summoning him, his lord *said to him, ‘You wicked slave, I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. Should you not also have had mercy on your fellow slave, in the same way that I had mercy on you?’ And his lord, moved with anger, handed him over to the torturers until he should repay all that was owed him. My heavenly Father will also do the same to you, if each of you does not forgive his brother from your heart.”"
71. Look at the love chapter. 1 Cor. 13. Read what all the Bible says God is. What LOVE is. And, see if you can follow those "rules" about love...while hitting your child...
Find the God/love in this picture?
72. God wants us all to be saved from our sins and come to a knowledge of the truth and to enter the kingdom of heaven. And, there is a force in the universe that does not want that. There is a force in the universe that wants me to be lost and enslaved to my sins and to live a life separate from God.
One thing that Jesus said reminds me why the way I treat children is of utmost importance. And, if you were to be honest you know you'd have to admit that you are punitive and spank your child because your child IS a child. They do these things because they are a child and you punish them for it, yet, Jesus says what about them? If your parenting is focused on beating the child out of the child...where do you think that teaching really comes from?
Matthew 18 At that time the disciples came to Jesus and said, “Who then is greatest in the kingdom of heaven?” And He called a child to Himself and set him before them, and said, “Truly I say to you, unless you are converted and become like children, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever then humbles himself as this child, he is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. And whoever receives one such child in My name receives Me; but whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to stumble, it would be better for him to have a heavy millstone hung around his neck, and to be drowned in the depth of the sea.
73. God created everything in our world. He created all the organisms and the laws of physics that rule how all of them interact and grow. The more you know about science the more you know about God. (Romans 1)
And, in the physical universe that God created...there is nothing to prove that hitting my child will make them "better" in any way but there is PLENTY to prove that hitting my child will cause "death" in them in many areas. Socially. Cognitively. Emotionally. Spiritually. This is evidence that God left me in the physical universe to protect me from false teachings.
And, this evidence, He says, is OBVIOUS and CLEAR and when people insist on following "teachers" and ignore these obvious and clear teachings...they do so in "unrighteousness" (though they are very self-righteous) and it makes God mad...
75. "Everybody's doing it!" Christians seem to think that if you are worldly you don't believe in this godly form of discipline. They will accuse you of being less Christian if you try to suggest as a Christian that you don't believe in it. I was once told I was "thinking with my worldly mind" and that's why I didn't see the wisdom in those 5 Old Testament verses on "the rod."
But, "everybody's doing it." Over 90% of children live in homes where they are hit by their parents. So, am I to believe that 90% of the country is Christian? Hitting children really makes you more Christian?
Most non-Christians hit their kids as a form of discipline. Therefore to suggest that not hitting/spanking children makes you "worldly" is ludicrous because most of the world IS spanking...
Those who are disciplining their children gently are the minority.
As it is with most things...whatever is right is usually not popular...and whatever is popular is usually never right...
76. I do not wish to separate my children from Christ. All the verses that people use to justify spanking are from the Old Testament...from the time of "the law."Even if those verses used to mean back then that we were to hit our kids...with spatulas, wooden spoons, belts, and paddles for wrongdoing...we are no longer under law but under grace...aren't we?
You may think that as a Christian parent that you are hitting/spanking your child to raise up a godly child but Galatians 5 says that "You have been severed from Christ, you who are seeking to be justified by law; you have fallen from grace."
77. If I am instructed to "do unto others" I can't spank. I don't like to be hit or punished. I like to understand what I did wrong and to be given a 2nd chance. I like to be shown what to do to fix what I did wrong and how to do it better next time...so that I can keep learning how to be more like Christ. If this is what I would have done unto me...God says this is what I am to do to my child...simple!
78. Everything I do is training me and I need to train me to be like Christ. If my approach to the smallest, weakest members of society is one of "control" over them...what is this doing to my heart? If I approach those who are completely helpless and totally under my authority with an attitude of "me being dominant" and "me being the boss" and feeling like I have the power to do whatever I want to them (like hurt the, and make them cry) and that it's sanctioned by God...what will this do to my heart and how will that affect how I regard everyone else? Having an attitude of me being superior to my children armed a paddle to control their behavior is not going to train me to, "not only look out for your own personal interests but consider others as more important than yourself."
It's also not going to train me how to use my mind to deal with stress. One of the biggest arguments you hear from current pro-spankers is, "Well then if you don't spank what do you do?!" They are at a loss to think outside of controlling and forcing their kids to comply. This is a sad loss of that which makes us "in the image of God" and that is the use of our creative mind. If you have lost the ability to handle a situation with a toddler...this is a huge huge mental impairment and a very sad testimony to your maturity. When I made the switch from spanking to not spanking I really saw this and it was humbling and challenging and I was the one who had to mature and grow more than my children ever needed to.
If you think about it...if you are a person who has to hit a toddler as a "last resort"...if you actually run out of things to do with your mind to deal with your child...you are really in no position to be training that child to begin with. As a grown-up, you should be able to demonstrate how to use your words in any situation and if you find yourself needing to resort to hitting your toddler...you are the one in need of "discipline" not the child. And, if you are the one who must, as a "last resort" strike out physically at your child, isn't that a fair explanation as to why your child misbehaves to begin with since you are their example how to live?
79. Romans 1 tells us that hitting/spanking to teach morality is wrong. What? You've read that whole chapter and you didn't see that verse?
Here it is: "since the creation of the world His invisible attributes, His eternal power and divine nature, have been seen, being understood through what has been made..."
I homeschool. I have to teach my kids a lot of things. If you came into my homeschool classroom and you saw that every time my child misspelled a word that I would hit her...you would be aghast! Every spanker knows that this is NOT an appropriate time to hit a child, right? But...I have to ask...why not?
Why not? Well, because, obviously, being hit for failing to do that right would not help her brain to learn to spell better...and it would instill fear in her of school and of "spelling"...and it would put weird associations in her about spelling and school...and ultimately it would really rob her of the love of reading, probably.
I would imagine that ANY skill our child needs to learn would be the same. If they fell when trying to learn to ride a bike and you hit them that would be not helpful and not encourage them to ride a bike better! If they fell off a horse they were trying to ride would you spank them...or tell them to "get back up on that horse?"
Anything you can think of...to "spank" the child for failing that skill would be counterproductive to teaching!
And, in the physical universe that God created...there is nothing to prove that hitting my child will make them "better" in any way but there is PLENTY to prove that hitting my child will cause "death" in them in many areas. Socially. Cognitively. Emotionally. Spiritually. This is evidence that God left me in the physical universe to protect me from false teachings.
And, this evidence, He says, is OBVIOUS and CLEAR and when people insist on following "teachers" and ignore these obvious and clear teachings...they do so in "unrighteousness" (though they are very self-righteous) and it makes God mad...
Romans 1
For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men who suppress the truth in unrighteousness, because that which is known about God is evident within them; for God made it evident to them. For since the creation of the world His invisible attributes, His eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly seen, being understood through what has been made, so that they are without excuse.
74. Jesus is my example how to live and be and He won the battle against sin in His children by submission and self-sacrifice. That's God's way. The world's way (the worldly way) would be to try to win this battle with "force" (beating the devil outta' our kids.)
Matthew 11
"From the days of John the Baptist until now the kingdom of heaven suffers violence, and violent men take it by force."
This is how Jesus "beat the devil outta' His kids."
75. "Everybody's doing it!" Christians seem to think that if you are worldly you don't believe in this godly form of discipline. They will accuse you of being less Christian if you try to suggest as a Christian that you don't believe in it. I was once told I was "thinking with my worldly mind" and that's why I didn't see the wisdom in those 5 Old Testament verses on "the rod."
But, "everybody's doing it." Over 90% of children live in homes where they are hit by their parents. So, am I to believe that 90% of the country is Christian? Hitting children really makes you more Christian?
Most non-Christians hit their kids as a form of discipline. Therefore to suggest that not hitting/spanking children makes you "worldly" is ludicrous because most of the world IS spanking...
Those who are disciplining their children gently are the minority.
As it is with most things...whatever is right is usually not popular...and whatever is popular is usually never right...
Matthew 7:13
“Enter through the narrow gate; for the gate is wide and the way is broad that leads to destruction, and there are many who enter through it.
“Enter through the narrow gate; for the gate is wide and the way is broad that leads to destruction, and there are many who enter through it.
76. I do not wish to separate my children from Christ. All the verses that people use to justify spanking are from the Old Testament...from the time of "the law."Even if those verses used to mean back then that we were to hit our kids...with spatulas, wooden spoons, belts, and paddles for wrongdoing...we are no longer under law but under grace...aren't we?
You may think that as a Christian parent that you are hitting/spanking your child to raise up a godly child but Galatians 5 says that "You have been severed from Christ, you who are seeking to be justified by law; you have fallen from grace."
77. If I am instructed to "do unto others" I can't spank. I don't like to be hit or punished. I like to understand what I did wrong and to be given a 2nd chance. I like to be shown what to do to fix what I did wrong and how to do it better next time...so that I can keep learning how to be more like Christ. If this is what I would have done unto me...God says this is what I am to do to my child...simple!
78. Everything I do is training me and I need to train me to be like Christ. If my approach to the smallest, weakest members of society is one of "control" over them...what is this doing to my heart? If I approach those who are completely helpless and totally under my authority with an attitude of "me being dominant" and "me being the boss" and feeling like I have the power to do whatever I want to them (like hurt the, and make them cry) and that it's sanctioned by God...what will this do to my heart and how will that affect how I regard everyone else? Having an attitude of me being superior to my children armed a paddle to control their behavior is not going to train me to, "not only look out for your own personal interests but consider others as more important than yourself."
It's also not going to train me how to use my mind to deal with stress. One of the biggest arguments you hear from current pro-spankers is, "Well then if you don't spank what do you do?!" They are at a loss to think outside of controlling and forcing their kids to comply. This is a sad loss of that which makes us "in the image of God" and that is the use of our creative mind. If you have lost the ability to handle a situation with a toddler...this is a huge huge mental impairment and a very sad testimony to your maturity. When I made the switch from spanking to not spanking I really saw this and it was humbling and challenging and I was the one who had to mature and grow more than my children ever needed to.
If you think about it...if you are a person who has to hit a toddler as a "last resort"...if you actually run out of things to do with your mind to deal with your child...you are really in no position to be training that child to begin with. As a grown-up, you should be able to demonstrate how to use your words in any situation and if you find yourself needing to resort to hitting your toddler...you are the one in need of "discipline" not the child. And, if you are the one who must, as a "last resort" strike out physically at your child, isn't that a fair explanation as to why your child misbehaves to begin with since you are their example how to live?
79. Romans 1 tells us that hitting/spanking to teach morality is wrong. What? You've read that whole chapter and you didn't see that verse?
Here it is: "since the creation of the world His invisible attributes, His eternal power and divine nature, have been seen, being understood through what has been made..."
I homeschool. I have to teach my kids a lot of things. If you came into my homeschool classroom and you saw that every time my child misspelled a word that I would hit her...you would be aghast! Every spanker knows that this is NOT an appropriate time to hit a child, right? But...I have to ask...why not?
Why not? Well, because, obviously, being hit for failing to do that right would not help her brain to learn to spell better...and it would instill fear in her of school and of "spelling"...and it would put weird associations in her about spelling and school...and ultimately it would really rob her of the love of reading, probably.
I would imagine that ANY skill our child needs to learn would be the same. If they fell when trying to learn to ride a bike and you hit them that would be not helpful and not encourage them to ride a bike better! If they fell off a horse they were trying to ride would you spank them...or tell them to "get back up on that horse?"
Anything you can think of...to "spank" the child for failing that skill would be counterproductive to teaching!
How about "falling?" Christians talk about the "fall of mankind" and we all talk about "falling" into sin...think about it. How do you "fall?" You trip. You take wrong steps. You get distracted by something else so you trip. You don't see something in your path and trip on that or step on it. In any of the physical situations that lead to "falling"...the natural consequence of the fall is you hit the ground in a way you're not designed to and so you...feel pain. That natural consequence is supposed to teach you something. In no way would a child learning to walk or roller skate or rip stick...any of the things a child can do and "fall"...in no way will me punishing that child for falling help the child do better and not fall again. It's ridiculous to think that by hitting my child for falling that I will help them to not fall again in the physical world...
This is what you are to "clearly understand about God thru what has been made" as in Romans 1.
Morality is the ability to have empathy for others and to make good choices. It is not considered a "skill" as is handwriting and bike riding is, but, your brain learns these things in the same way. By repetition and maturity. And, so, if it is counterproductive to teach other things thru "spanking" it is likewise counterproductive to teach the skill or morality.
80. You don't want to eat any rotten tomatoes. I was just eating a handful of cherry tomatoes...popping them into my mouth without looking at them. One of them, felt "lumpy" in my fingers and I looked at it: eew. It hit me that that is the danger of eating those tomatoes "whole" actually. Usually, there is no outward sign that it's rotten on the inside and you don't know it till you've already chewed it several times washing your entire mouth with it's putrid juicy contents. So, while that lumpy outside made it an "unattractive" tomato, it sure did warn me about what was on the inside...preventing me from eating it!
When you spank, you are teaching your child how to "suppress the outward expression of what's inside them." An angry child is taught not to slam doors or break toys or back talk mom and dad. But, the anger is actually still in there.
Spanking teaches the kids that when their negative insides are expressed they get punished. So, they learn how to hide it.
So, what can happen someday is you can start going to a new church (for example)...and your pastor (spiritual leader) can seem great on the outside...but...if he was spanked...it's impossible to tell what's really on his insides until you really "take a bite" or he "gets squeezed." Wouldn't you rather that your pastor, and everyone you deal with, expresses truthfully what's inside them on the outside so you know what you're dealing with? Since this is what you would rather with the people you deal with, you need to raise your child up to be a person who is not "two-faced." Who is who they are on the inside and out. The only way to do that is to focus on their insides and regard their "behavior" as the expression of it.
This is what you are to "clearly understand about God thru what has been made" as in Romans 1.
Morality is the ability to have empathy for others and to make good choices. It is not considered a "skill" as is handwriting and bike riding is, but, your brain learns these things in the same way. By repetition and maturity. And, so, if it is counterproductive to teach other things thru "spanking" it is likewise counterproductive to teach the skill or morality.
80. You don't want to eat any rotten tomatoes. I was just eating a handful of cherry tomatoes...popping them into my mouth without looking at them. One of them, felt "lumpy" in my fingers and I looked at it: eew. It hit me that that is the danger of eating those tomatoes "whole" actually. Usually, there is no outward sign that it's rotten on the inside and you don't know it till you've already chewed it several times washing your entire mouth with it's putrid juicy contents. So, while that lumpy outside made it an "unattractive" tomato, it sure did warn me about what was on the inside...preventing me from eating it!
When you spank, you are teaching your child how to "suppress the outward expression of what's inside them." An angry child is taught not to slam doors or break toys or back talk mom and dad. But, the anger is actually still in there.
Spanking teaches the kids that when their negative insides are expressed they get punished. So, they learn how to hide it.
So, what can happen someday is you can start going to a new church (for example)...and your pastor (spiritual leader) can seem great on the outside...but...if he was spanked...it's impossible to tell what's really on his insides until you really "take a bite" or he "gets squeezed." Wouldn't you rather that your pastor, and everyone you deal with, expresses truthfully what's inside them on the outside so you know what you're dealing with? Since this is what you would rather with the people you deal with, you need to raise your child up to be a person who is not "two-faced." Who is who they are on the inside and out. The only way to do that is to focus on their insides and regard their "behavior" as the expression of it.
81. The reason spanking controls behavior is most likely explained by psychological coping mechanisms related to survival. People mistake the "obedience" they get from their children for their children "wanting" to behave. Or, for love. But, this isn't what science demonstrates is going on inside the brain at all.
Have you ever heard of Stockholm Syndrome? Wikipedia says that "Stockholm syndrome can be seen as a form of traumatic bonding, which does not necessarily require a hostage scenario, but which describes “strong emotional ties that develop between two persons where one person intermittently harasses, beats, threatens, abuses, or intimidates the other.”"
Though our children are not "our hostages" they kinda' are. They can't run away. They can't control any aspect of their own lives. In some households children aren't allowed to decide when they eat or when they sleep or wake. Nothing! What if the reason these children are obedient is because they have built a survival type bond with the person who controls them...who intermittently harasses (nags) them, who beats/spanks them (with a spatula, hand, belt, or paddle) and who threatens to do those things thereby intimidating them?
Is THAT the relationship you want to have with your child? Is that the relationship you think you have with God? Do you fear God because you believe if you don't do what He says you'll "go to hell?" That's not true love. And, that's not the "person after God's own heart" that God is looking for in His children. If you were raised being spanked and you have that relationship with God...you definitely didn't turn out, "OK." And, if your children are obedient out of fear...they're not OK either.
82. All verses used by Christians to support "spanking" are found in the Old Testament. Jesus never said or did anything to indicate that we are to inflict pain on our children to control their behavior. You cannot raise your children under law AND under grace at the same time. If you are going to parent by the Old Testament Law then you must do so without missing a beat or else your child is cursed. Are you prepared to be that "perfect parent" and consistently follow the law so that your child is not cursed?
Galatians 3:10
For as many as are of the works of the Law are under a curse; for it is written, “Cursed is everyone who does not abide by all things written in the book of the law, to perform them.”
James 2:10
For whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles in one point, he has become guilty of all.
83. Controlling my children's behavior with pain and the threat of pain means that my children will live in a constant state of "fear" in the home. Fear of "not doing this" and "not doing" that "or else" they will get a spanking. Parents may want to say that is absurd that their children do not "live in fear" but are happy and quite content, but, statistics tell us that children who live in homes that spank will get a spanking at least every week. Some parents admit to doing it every day. A child who wakes up in the morning knowing that he's gotten a spanking every day of his life so far, is going to "be in fear" all day of when that spanking is going to come.
If...controlling my children's behavior with pain and the threat of pain was God's way and what is meant by the "rod" verses in the Bible, then, rather than fear and anxiety, it would produce the comfort that David speaks of in Psalm 23, "thy rod and thy staff they comfort me." To find comfort and security in God's rod would be life-giving. But, if the use of the rod in your home is producing fear...it is not life-giving but rather will result in "death."
Medical science, which is in the perpetual search for the "truth" about our physical world, tells us that fear and anxiety hurt the human body and can result in physical death.
Romans 1 says that everything we wanna know about God is evident in the Creation and...
Proverbs 8:17
“I love those who love me; And those who diligently seek me will find me.
Science has made its blunders over the years and as Christians know they have come to some wrong "conclusions" about the evidence they see. But, over the last 30 years all of the seeking about the truth about the physical brain and how it works and develops...and all the seeking for truth about how "spanking" affects our physical development cannot be denied...unless you..."suppress the truth" (Romans 1)
Proverbs 12:25
Anxiety in a man’s heart weighs it down
The Creation tells us that "spanking" leads to physical death in the heart of man, and modern science has discovered and agreed with the Bible on this truth. How, therefore, can one insist to still believe that somehow "the fear of a spanking" is going to lead to life in their children's hearts?
Anxiety may lead to risk of heart disease
Anxiety and heart disease
Mind-Body Connection: Fear leads to many diseases
84. Romans 1 tells us that the truth about God's ways are evident in the physical universe that He created. And, the truth is on our hearts. When we read a book that tells us to do things that we feel are wrong, but, we do them anyway...we are not parenting God's way.
David said that God's rod gave him comfort. Not fear.
God says that the truth is placed on our hearts by Him.
God says that evidence of the truth is everywhere we look.
And, the life of Jesus has shown us the Father.
So, if you choose to ignore all those things and if you choose to believe your pastor, your friends, or books which tell you that it's God's way to use the rod that David found comfort in...to inflict pain and instill fear in your children...and you think that making your children's behavior conform to your opinion of righteousness is going to save them from hell...
I understand why Romans 1 says that "the wrath of God is revealed against those who suppress the truth" because the fact that this is so obvious and so aggressively defended by Christian pro-spankers who are supposed to be "lovers of truth" is wrath inducing.
David said that God's rod gave him comfort. Not fear.
God says that the truth is placed on our hearts by Him.
God says that evidence of the truth is everywhere we look.
And, the life of Jesus has shown us the Father.
So, if you choose to ignore all those things and if you choose to believe your pastor, your friends, or books which tell you that it's God's way to use the rod that David found comfort in...to inflict pain and instill fear in your children...and you think that making your children's behavior conform to your opinion of righteousness is going to save them from hell...
Jeremiah 17:5
Thus says the Lord, “Cursed is the man who trusts in mankind And makes flesh his strength, And whose heart turns away from the Lord.
85. Most parents who "spank" will get quite animated in their arguments if you attempt to assert that "spanking" is "hitting." Romans 1 again tells us that we aren't to spank our children because of that evidence in our own hearts and bodies. The fact that those who are convinced in their minds that they are to strike their children to give them physical pain to control their behavior will vehemently argue that spanking is NOT hitting...when it clearly is...is evidence that there it not peace inside them with the truth on their hearts. There is no way to spank a child if you do not hit them with something. Spanking simply is hitting. The only reason to deny the obvious and to come up with a sanitized euphemism for this action is because we inherently know that hitting is wrong.
1 John 2:21
I have not written to you because you do not know the truth, but because you do know it, and because no lie is of the truth.
Jeremiah 31:33
...declares the Lord, “I will put My law within them and on their heart I will write it; and I will be their God, and they shall be My people.
If you feel the need to defend spanking and insist that it is not what it is (hitting)...and if you feel bad every time you spank your child and feel you have to "justify" it if someone sees you do it, guess what? Your heart is condemning you...
1 John 3:1
Beloved, if our heart does not condemn us, we have confidence before God;
Romans 2:14-16
For when Gentiles who do not have the Law do instinctively the things of the Law, these, not having the Law, are a law to themselves, in that they show the work of the Law written in their hearts, their conscience bearing witness and their thoughts alternately accusing or else defending them, on the day when, according to my gospel, God will judge the secrets of men through Christ Jesus.
86. Along with point 85...if spanking was right we would not need a euphemism to label it.
By definition...
eu·phe·mism [yoo-fuh-miz-uh
m]
nounm] 1. the substitution of a mild, indirect, or vague expression for one thought to be offensive, harsh, or blunt.
2. the expression so substituted: “To pass away” is a euphemism for “to die.”
Most people who think of themselves as Christians are pro-life...and are therefore familiar with dealing with the pro-abortion euphemisms of calling the baby a "cluster of cells" or the "products of conception." And, how they will refer to abortion as, "terminating a pregnancy." Changing the word they use to describe the baby and the procedure changes the discussion. "Killing a baby" and "terminating a pregnancy" are talking about the same thing, yet, one sounds evil and the other...almost blazé. One you could hardly convince anyone that it's OK to "choose" and the other you'd think, "Who cares?"
There are lots of ways we do this. Here's a couple common English euphemisms...
Adult entertainment = porn
Passed away = dead
Ethnic cleansing = murdering entire races of people
Well hung = (sorry!)
Turn a trick = have sex with a stranger for money
A roll in the hay = having sex
Remains = person's dead body
Kick the bucket = die
Full figured = fat
Spanking = hitting a child
It's a common belief in the church...that the verses in Proverbs about "the rod" mean that we're to take a wooden spoon, spatula, switch, belt, or hand and hit our children on the buttocks when they "are naughty" (do things we don't want them to.)
Most parents who "spank" will insist that it's different from hitting. Buuuut...let's be real! You can't spank without hitting, can you? Like it says above you believe you are to "take a wooden spoon, spatula, switch, belt, or hand and hit our children on the buttocks." Even if you change hit to "strike" or "smack" it's the same thing. It's not a massage. It's a strike. A whack. A smack. A hit. It's hitting.
But, if this is God's will, what's the big deal? So what if it's hitting? If God has commanded it then it's good, so why the euphemism? It's quite clearly "hitting" so why call it "spanking?" Christians are, after all, lovers of The Truth...lovers of The Living Word...so why not use the true words?
Are the true words about "spanking" good?
Are the true words about "spanking" offensive?
Romans 1 and the truth on your heart tell you what you should be doing in response to that.
Most people who think of themselves as Christians are pro-life...and are therefore familiar with dealing with the pro-abortion euphemisms of calling the baby a "cluster of cells" or the "products of conception." And, how they will refer to abortion as, "terminating a pregnancy." Changing the word they use to describe the baby and the procedure changes the discussion. "Killing a baby" and "terminating a pregnancy" are talking about the same thing, yet, one sounds evil and the other...almost blazé. One you could hardly convince anyone that it's OK to "choose" and the other you'd think, "Who cares?"
There are lots of ways we do this. Here's a couple common English euphemisms...
Adult entertainment = porn
Passed away = dead
Ethnic cleansing = murdering entire races of people
Well hung = (sorry!)
Turn a trick = have sex with a stranger for money
A roll in the hay = having sex
Remains = person's dead body
Kick the bucket = die
Full figured = fat
Spanking = hitting a child
It's a common belief in the church...that the verses in Proverbs about "the rod" mean that we're to take a wooden spoon, spatula, switch, belt, or hand and hit our children on the buttocks when they "are naughty" (do things we don't want them to.)
Most parents who "spank" will insist that it's different from hitting. Buuuut...let's be real! You can't spank without hitting, can you? Like it says above you believe you are to "take a wooden spoon, spatula, switch, belt, or hand and hit our children on the buttocks." Even if you change hit to "strike" or "smack" it's the same thing. It's not a massage. It's a strike. A whack. A smack. A hit. It's hitting.
But, if this is God's will, what's the big deal? So what if it's hitting? If God has commanded it then it's good, so why the euphemism? It's quite clearly "hitting" so why call it "spanking?" Christians are, after all, lovers of The Truth...lovers of The Living Word...so why not use the true words?
Are the true words about "spanking" good?
Are the true words about "spanking" offensive?
Romans 1 and the truth on your heart tell you what you should be doing in response to that.
87. It's a bad testimony about God to non-Christians. We Christians are to be the image of Jesus for the world. If they see us they're to have seen Jesus, right? How does hitting our kids figure in to that? Did Jesus hit us to "save us?" Did Jesus come to punish us or discipline us?
I have noticed on many occasions how the response that some of my atheist friends have had to my anti-spanking posts on facebook. They comment things like, "It is a very odd thing, to hit a child...and the more time goes by, the odder it seems to me...but then a lot of things seem odd to me!!"
They see hitting kids as hypocritical for people who claim to be followers of Jesus. Jesus is the "Prince of Peace" and more often than not what atheists see are "war mongers", and parents hitting their kids. Is it any wonder they turn to truly peaceful religions like Buddhism?
The world does not see hitting and being judged as "love." Most people have been hurt and judged wrongly so many times in life. Jesus is there to welcome them and to save them from all that.
When they see Christians judging and "hitting" their children...they see "more of the same." They see hypocrites. And, they think our god is just as lame as we are because of it.
If you train your kids their whole life growing up that when they be bad, mess up, or sin against you that you punish them...what do you do when you have sinned against them? Do you...give them your car keys? Do you send yourself to bed without supper? Do you hand over your iphone? Ground yourself from having coffee in the morning for a week? Ban yourself from facebook? Do you let them spank you? What?
If you don't "punish yourself" for the sins you do wrong to them after you have trained your kids that this is what is to happen when people are "bad"...then...isn't that a double standard? Isn't that...confusing? Hypocrisy? And, how are your kids to get closure on what you've done? How are your kids to feel at peace with what you've done to them if you don't get punished?
If you think that it would be inappropriate for you to be punished by your child for you having sinned against them...why? Do you consider yourself more important than them? Are you above the law because you're older and because you're the authority? Isn't this like government officials not following the same rules as us?
If your boss would dock your pay for being late but then come late to work every day and never dock his own pay...wouldn't you cry out, "Not fair!!!?"
So, if you feel it's inappropriate for you to be punished by your child for doing wrong and sinning against them, then, you have to ask yourself "why?" Why is it enough for you to say, "Sorry!" and be forgiven by your child but that is not good enough for them.
I have noticed on many occasions how the response that some of my atheist friends have had to my anti-spanking posts on facebook. They comment things like, "It is a very odd thing, to hit a child...and the more time goes by, the odder it seems to me...but then a lot of things seem odd to me!!"
They see hitting kids as hypocritical for people who claim to be followers of Jesus. Jesus is the "Prince of Peace" and more often than not what atheists see are "war mongers", and parents hitting their kids. Is it any wonder they turn to truly peaceful religions like Buddhism?
John 13:35
By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.”
The world does not see hitting and being judged as "love." Most people have been hurt and judged wrongly so many times in life. Jesus is there to welcome them and to save them from all that.
John 3:17
For God did not send the Son into the world to judge the world, but that the world might be saved through Him.
When they see Christians judging and "hitting" their children...they see "more of the same." They see hypocrites. And, they think our god is just as lame as we are because of it.
1 Corinthians 8:11-13
For through your knowledge he who is weak is ruined, the brother for whose sake Christ died. And so, by sinning against the brethren and wounding their conscience when it is weak, you sin against Christ. Therefore, if food causes my brother to stumble, I will never eat meat again, so that I will not cause my brother to stumble.
I believe spanking leads non-Christians to stumble in 2 ways...One is them seeing us "loving" our children with hitting and force. The other is that we train ourselves and our children...to judge and condemn. I believe (as in imo) that if "you" are OK with the process involved in spanking...you were spanked. You were trained to think it's OK...
88. You are training your kids about what to expect from you when you sin against your kids. If you're a normal human, you're going to mess up sometimes. You're going to smart off at them about something. You're going to interrupt them when they're talking. You're going to tell them you're going to pick them up at X time and show up late. You're going to promise them something and then forget. You're going to mess up. And, when you do...then what?
If you don't "punish yourself" for the sins you do wrong to them after you have trained your kids that this is what is to happen when people are "bad"...then...isn't that a double standard? Isn't that...confusing? Hypocrisy? And, how are your kids to get closure on what you've done? How are your kids to feel at peace with what you've done to them if you don't get punished?
If you think that it would be inappropriate for you to be punished by your child for you having sinned against them...why? Do you consider yourself more important than them? Are you above the law because you're older and because you're the authority? Isn't this like government officials not following the same rules as us?
If your boss would dock your pay for being late but then come late to work every day and never dock his own pay...wouldn't you cry out, "Not fair!!!?"
Proverbs 11:1
A false balance is an abomination to the Lord,
But a just weight is His delight.
So, if you feel it's inappropriate for you to be punished by your child for doing wrong and sinning against them, then, you have to ask yourself "why?" Why is it enough for you to say, "Sorry!" and be forgiven by your child but that is not good enough for them.
Suggestion: make a personal list of all the things you do spank for and then ask yourself what you do when you do that same thing to your children...see how fair your balance is in your home?
89. The "rod" verses are all part of the law. They are all in the Old Testament. And, while there is ample evidence that these verses were never intended to be interpreted as, "Parents strike your children on the buttocks with a wooden spoon or spatula, etc..." Even if they had been an instruction to strike our children...we are no longer under law...but are now instructed to imitate Christ.
True wisdom of God and God's ways are found not in the law of Moses...not in the Old Testament...but in the life of Christ. All the instruction Jesus gave concerning children was gentleness and kindness. Never harsh, punitive, or controlling. Jesus never said that kids "need a good butt whacking!" Or, that they need any number of things that modern parents think that kids "need."
To be true followers of Jesus and not the law we must do like Jesus did...
Therefore as you have received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in Him, having been firmly rooted and now being built up in Him and established in your faith, just as you were instructed, and overflowing with gratitude.
We received Christ in forgiveness, right? You prayed "the sinner's prayer," right? You didn't receive Christ by paying for our own sins (as in spanking.) Did you? And, we have an enemy who hates us. An enemy who hates that we've been forgiven...that Christ died to set us free from his power and so he doesn't want us to understand or receive this. This is why we're instructed to be careful and focus on Christ...
Col. 2
For I want you to know how great a struggle I have on your behalf and for those who are at Laodicea, and for all those who have not personally seen my face, that their hearts may be encouraged, having been knit together in love, and attaining to all the wealth that comes from the full assurance of understanding, resulting in a true knowledge of God’s mystery, that is, Christ Himself, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge. I say this so that no one will delude you with persuasive argument.
To be true followers of Jesus and not the law we must do like Jesus did...
Therefore as you have received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in Him, having been firmly rooted and now being built up in Him and established in your faith, just as you were instructed, and overflowing with gratitude.
We received Christ in forgiveness, right? You prayed "the sinner's prayer," right? You didn't receive Christ by paying for our own sins (as in spanking.) Did you? And, we have an enemy who hates us. An enemy who hates that we've been forgiven...that Christ died to set us free from his power and so he doesn't want us to understand or receive this. This is why we're instructed to be careful and focus on Christ...
Col. 2:8
See to it that no one takes you captive through philosophy and empty deception,according to the tradition of men, according to the elementary principles of the world, rather than according to Christ. For in Him all the fullness of Deity dwells in bodily form, and in Him you have been made complete, and He is the head over all rule and authority; and in Him you were also circumcised with a circumcision made without hands, in the removal of the body of the flesh by the circumcision of Christ; having been buried with Him in baptism, in which you were also raised up with Him through faith in the working of God, who raised Him from the dead.
While under the law we constantly strove to pay for our own sins. But, Jesus has ended that system. When we spank our children we are maintaining them in a system of attempting to pay for their own wrongdoings...But, Jesus came and when we were adults...when we knew better and were "dead in our sins" He...didn't spank us. He died for us and forgave us and released us from debt...
Col. 2
When you were (very bad. disobedient and naughty!) dead in your transgressions and the uncircumcision of your flesh, He made you alive together with Him, having forgiven us all our transgressions, having canceled out the certificate of debt consisting of decrees against us, which was hostile to us; and He has taken it out of the way, having nailed it to the cross. When He had disarmed the rulers and authorities, He made a public display of them, having triumphed over them through Him.
Galatians 3:13
Christ redeemed us from the curse of the Law, having become a curse for us
Gal. 3:21-27
Is the Law then contrary to the promises of God? May it never be! For if a law had been given which was able to impart life, then righteousness would indeed have been based on law. But the Scripture has shut up everyone under sin, so that the promise by faith in Jesus Christ might be given to those who believe.
But before faith came, we were kept in custody under the law, being shut up to the faith which was later to be revealed. Therefore the Law has become our tutor to lead us to Christ, so that we may be justified by faith. But now that faith has come, we are no longer under a tutor. For you are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus. For all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ.
90. No one can judge us but God, alone. And, this is true for us when we are 99...9...or 9 months old. When our parents spank us they are acting as our judge. When we spank our children...we are acting as their judge and modeling for them to do the same to their own children and to others.
Col. 2:16-23
Therefore no one is to act as your judge in regard to food or drink or in respect to a festival or a new moon or a Sabbath day— things which are a mere shadow of what is to come; but the substance belongs to Christ. Let no one keep defrauding you of your prize by delighting in self-abasement and the worship of the angels, taking his stand on visions he has seen, inflated without cause by his fleshly mind, and not holding fast to the head, from whom the entire body, being supplied and held together by the joints and ligaments, grows with a growth which is from God.
If you have died with Christ to the elementary principles of the world, why, as if you were living in the world, do you submit yourself to decrees, such as, “Do not handle, do not taste, do not touch!” (which all refer to things destined to perish with use)—in accordance with the commandments and teachings of men? These are matters which have, to be sure, the appearance of wisdom in self-made religion and self-abasement and severe treatment of the body, but are of no value against fleshly indulgence.
Romans 14:4
Who are you to judge the servant of another?
James 4:12
There is only one Lawgiver and Judge, the One who is able to save and to destroy; but who are you who judge your neighbor?
James 2:12
So speak and so act as those who are to be judged by the law of liberty.
91. The Bible even says that spanking is ineffective against sin.
Col. 2:23
These are matters which have, to be sure, the appearance of wisdom in self-made religion and self-abasement and severe treatment of the body, but are of no value against fleshly indulgence.
Heb. 10:10
By this will we have been sanctified through the offering of the body of Jesus Christ once for all. Every priest stands daily ministering and offering time after time the same sacrifices, which can never take away sins; but He, having offered one sacrifice for sins for all time, sat down at the right hand of God, waiting from that time onward until His enemies be made a footstool for His feet. For by one offering He has perfected for all time those who are sanctified.
Galatians 3:13
Christ redeemed us from the curse of the Law, having become a curse for us...
92. We are hypocrites when we punish our children for acting like us. If you take the time to watch your children you see that they are just like you. They imitate us and then...we punish them for it. One of the best examples of this is when a child hits and they receive a spanking. Where did that child learn to use his hands to hurt another?
Romans 2:1
Therefore you have no excuse, everyone of you who passes judgment, for in that which you judge another, you condemn yourself; for you who judge practice the same things.
I even know a story...where a teenaged boy stole from his aunt. His dad then beat the livin' tar outta' him for it. But, the dad...was addicted to drugs and working an illegal business to support the family. What did that boy learn from that beating? What did that dad think he was doing?!
93. Divorce. In this world where it's more common to be divorced than not, even within the church, shouldn't we be looking seriously at the foundations we're laying for our children on how to treat the opposite sex? I mentioned this back in #14 and this point will move closer to that number when I get a chance to reorganize, but, what are we teaching our children about how to act with, treat, and regard the opposite sex when we spank them?
People divorce because they "sin against each other" and cannot forgive each other and heal the relationship so they split apart. Adults who were raised punitively have not been taught how to "be sinned against" and to forgive it without expecting the other to suffer or be punished. When we are sinned against and lash out we end up in what's called a fight. Fights are where people hit each other with their words (mostly). One of you says something that "sins against" the other and you must hit back and "punish" the other for what they've just done. The cycle continues with each person sinning more and more against the other making the one sinned against feeling more and more like the other needs to "be punished" to the point that the ultimate punishment is the total withdraw of your love. Divorce.
Spanking does not model how to navigate or heal a troubled marital relationship. It does, however, model a clear path to divorce.
What Christians want most to do to the world is share Jesus! And, husbands and wives are the best demonstration to the world "who God is." In the beginning God made man in His image: male and female. When we are united as man and wife we're to become "one flesh."
Men and women have different innate qualities that we can see in most (but obviously not all) people. Things like men are physically larger and stronger. Women can bring new life into the world and make milk. Men are better at reading maps than women. Women are better at multi-tasking. Women can have a cold and still make dinner (and take care of everything else!) while men have to lie in bed dying. ;) Things like that... So, that when you take the two halves with their strong innate qualities which represent some of the image of God...and you put us together...you get the perfect image of God.
Or, you're supposed to.
Raising our men and women in punitive environments sets them up to be "against" each other. It sets us up to fight because when conflict comes, when one of us sins against the other, if we've been raised in a punitive environment our first instinct will not be to forgive and reconcile, but, to punish the other before we forgive them. This sets us up for a cycle of fighting which in these days has resulted in about half of all marriages failing and resulting in divorce.
And, this is the picture the world is getting of God. But, God hates divorce...
And, He has "given us the ministry of reconciliation" and thru Jesus has "reconciled the world to Himself." The household in which the two parents have been raised trained to demand punishment from one another in order to forgive...gives up eventually and divorces is not presenting a picture of who God is to the world.
Children raised in punitive environments not only grow up to not be able to relate to one another the way they're supposed to, but, while relating to one another poorly they pass those attitudes along to the next generation even if they choose to not spank their own children... :(
Spanking does not model how to navigate or heal a troubled marital relationship. It does, however, model a clear path to divorce.
What Christians want most to do to the world is share Jesus! And, husbands and wives are the best demonstration to the world "who God is." In the beginning God made man in His image: male and female. When we are united as man and wife we're to become "one flesh."
Men and women have different innate qualities that we can see in most (but obviously not all) people. Things like men are physically larger and stronger. Women can bring new life into the world and make milk. Men are better at reading maps than women. Women are better at multi-tasking. Women can have a cold and still make dinner (and take care of everything else!) while men have to lie in bed dying. ;) Things like that... So, that when you take the two halves with their strong innate qualities which represent some of the image of God...and you put us together...you get the perfect image of God.
Or, you're supposed to.
Raising our men and women in punitive environments sets them up to be "against" each other. It sets us up to fight because when conflict comes, when one of us sins against the other, if we've been raised in a punitive environment our first instinct will not be to forgive and reconcile, but, to punish the other before we forgive them. This sets us up for a cycle of fighting which in these days has resulted in about half of all marriages failing and resulting in divorce.
And, this is the picture the world is getting of God. But, God hates divorce...
Malachi 2:16
For I hate divorce,” says the Lord, the God of Israel...
And, He has "given us the ministry of reconciliation" and thru Jesus has "reconciled the world to Himself." The household in which the two parents have been raised trained to demand punishment from one another in order to forgive...gives up eventually and divorces is not presenting a picture of who God is to the world.
Children raised in punitive environments not only grow up to not be able to relate to one another the way they're supposed to, but, while relating to one another poorly they pass those attitudes along to the next generation even if they choose to not spank their own children... :(
94. We are the world's link to God. We are to demonstrate WHO God is by how we act. Spanking has led to the world seeing God as a...basically...Westboro Baptist. A big angry judge just waiting for people to mess up to execute His judgment on them!
We do God a huge disservice and send the wrong message to the world when they see us striking our children and then...when we have that attitude in us from being spanked as a child we end up having the Westboro Baptist attitude about "sinners."
The picture of an adult striking a helpless child...no matter why the adult believes they are doing this...the vision of an adult striking a child is not beautiful. It is not like a lamp on a lampstand giving light to the world.
Jesus is the true light that enlightens every man. And, the light that He shines is one of self-sacrifice and forgiveness...not of punishment. When the world looks at pro-spanking Christians they see a Jesus who comes to the earth to punish...not to save.
But, parents who think that they "need to impose consequences" on their children are actually making it so that children can never actually see the harm done to others and to God which is the true consequences of their actions but only fear the pain that they are going to suffer.
Remember David and Uriah and Bathsheba? Nathan came to David and told him that by doing these things to them...he hurt them and had "sinned against the Lord," and had "despised the Lord."
Our goal as parents needs to be to help our children see the ripple effects of their sins and not to be focused on the fact that we are going to cause them pain. The pain the should feel over their sin should be the pain of knowing they cause another harm. Once our children have grown in their capacity for empathy to the point that they can be grieved over how their actions have hurt others, we will have very little "disciplining" left to do. Empathy is a much better deterrent to doing things which hurt people than the fear of punishment.
We do God a huge disservice and send the wrong message to the world when they see us striking our children and then...when we have that attitude in us from being spanked as a child we end up having the Westboro Baptist attitude about "sinners."
The picture of an adult striking a helpless child...no matter why the adult believes they are doing this...the vision of an adult striking a child is not beautiful. It is not like a lamp on a lampstand giving light to the world.
Matthew 5:16
Let your light shine before men in such a way that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in heaven.
Jesus is the true light that enlightens every man. And, the light that He shines is one of self-sacrifice and forgiveness...not of punishment. When the world looks at pro-spanking Christians they see a Jesus who comes to the earth to punish...not to save.
Matthew 6:23
If then the light that is in you is darkness, how great is the darkness!
95. Punishments teach the children that the consequence of their wrong choices is that they will be hurt.
Truth is, when we make wrong choices and sin...it is usually someone else who gets hurt. This should be our focus: the harm we did to someone ELSE. The pain we caused someone ELSE. And, our focus should be to reconcile and do our best to fix what we messed up.
But, parents who think that they "need to impose consequences" on their children are actually making it so that children can never actually see the harm done to others and to God which is the true consequences of their actions but only fear the pain that they are going to suffer.
Remember David and Uriah and Bathsheba? Nathan came to David and told him that by doing these things to them...he hurt them and had "sinned against the Lord," and had "despised the Lord."
Our goal as parents needs to be to help our children see the ripple effects of their sins and not to be focused on the fact that we are going to cause them pain. The pain the should feel over their sin should be the pain of knowing they cause another harm. Once our children have grown in their capacity for empathy to the point that they can be grieved over how their actions have hurt others, we will have very little "disciplining" left to do. Empathy is a much better deterrent to doing things which hurt people than the fear of punishment.
96. You cannot consider another person more important than yourself if you feel you have the right to inflict pain upon them.
Children raised to fear their parent as a source of pain and "consequences" when making bad choices will not be stopped from doing things which can hurt others if they "think they can get away with it." The way they will measure whether or not to do something "bad" or not won't be whether or not it will hurt someone else...but rather if they think they can get away with it without getting caught.
Philippians 2:3
Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves
97. As kids get older you reach a point where they are big enough that you no longer spank them. Then what? You will have to resort to another form of "inflicting pain" upon the child to control their behavior, and the problem is, that the older the children get the craftier they get. They get more and more able to hide their sin and to rationalize, lie, and escape punishment.
Children who are raised to fear their parent as a source of pain when they make bad choices will have learned how to hide those bad choices from their parents...who are the people God designed to help them fix those bad choices.
Children raised to fear their parent as a source of pain and "consequences" when making bad choices will not be stopped from doing things which can hurt others if they "think they can get away with it." The way they will measure whether or not to do something "bad" or not won't be whether or not it will hurt someone else...but rather if they think they can get away with it without getting caught.
98. Punishments like spankings lose their power in a way empathy never will. Punishments are something that the parent carries around with them to administer to the child when needed. Empathy is something stored inside the child. Empathy cannot be instilled in children through punishment, but, only through discipleship/discipline.
Anything we fear becomes less and less fearsome with repeated exposure. While we, as children, all fear a spanking, sometimes the desire for something we want is greater than our fear of something that we've so "been there done that" with.
Even older kids. Maybe you take away their car keys. Maybe you ground them from the internet. Maybe you take their phone. After the first time, they know they can endure it. They know that they can make it through to get their phone back and that the grounding will be over eventually. Overall, the punishment is the focus.
Kids raised this way who get to the point that the punishments don't threaten them anymore...these kids who now have no threat of punishment are left with nothing to base their choices on, then. But, a child who is full of empathy will carry that with them whether they have a parent around or not. They will carry that with them wherever they go and it will guide them. Their choices will be based on others and their concern for others not their concern for their own rear ends or the threat of some other pain.
Anything we fear becomes less and less fearsome with repeated exposure. While we, as children, all fear a spanking, sometimes the desire for something we want is greater than our fear of something that we've so "been there done that" with.
Even older kids. Maybe you take away their car keys. Maybe you ground them from the internet. Maybe you take their phone. After the first time, they know they can endure it. They know that they can make it through to get their phone back and that the grounding will be over eventually. Overall, the punishment is the focus.
Kids raised this way who get to the point that the punishments don't threaten them anymore...these kids who now have no threat of punishment are left with nothing to base their choices on, then. But, a child who is full of empathy will carry that with them whether they have a parent around or not. They will carry that with them wherever they go and it will guide them. Their choices will be based on others and their concern for others not their concern for their own rear ends or the threat of some other pain.
99. Spanking enslaves the parent to the paddle. I have seen it time and time again...parents who spank who get frustrated in public situations because "they can't spank their children" and they basically then have no clue what to do with their child when they misbehave.
Spanking robs parents of their brains (which could be another point on its own), basically, because when the belt or that wooden spoon that's always kept in the car is not available to be used...the parents are powerless. For a parent to feel powerless without the ability to strike their child is very very sad.
Spanking robs parents of their brains (which could be another point on its own), basically, because when the belt or that wooden spoon that's always kept in the car is not available to be used...the parents are powerless. For a parent to feel powerless without the ability to strike their child is very very sad.
100. It encourages gossip. Because the repeated patterns over a child's life of "wrong doing leading to punishment" instills within us the need to see wrongdoers punished, and because most wrongdoers do not actually get punished...what we end up doing is punishing them with our words. Spanking instills within our children the need to see those people punished and so they become accusers and "call down curses" on them by exposing and talking badly about the wrongs they believe they have done.
This is not "training our children up in the way they should go."
Romans 1:29
being filled with all unrighteousness, wickedness, greed, evil; full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, malice; they are gossips
This is not "training our children up in the way they should go."
Romans 1:29
being filled with all unrighteousness, wickedness, greed, evil; full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, malice; they are gossips
1 Timothy 3:11
Women must likewise be dignified, not malicious gossips, but temperate, faithful in all things.
Women must likewise be dignified, not malicious gossips, but temperate, faithful in all things.
1 Timothy 5:13
At the same time they also learn to be idle, as they go around from house to house; and not merely idle, but also gossips and busybodies, talking about things not proper to mention.
2 Timothy 3:3
unloving, irreconcilable, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal, haters of good,
Titus 2:3
Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good...
101. No kid sees an impending spanking as "good news."
Christians have been given the job of bringing the "Good News" to the world. The people we are in charge of bringing that news to the most are the ones closest to us. Everything we do with our children from the day they're born is telling them news of some sort. If when you were a child someone came and told you that your parents had found out something you'd done and that they were coming to "give you a good spanking" you didn't consider that to be, "Good News."
102. The ancient Jews (who wrote those "rod" verses in the Bible) didn't strike their children to discipline them because they didn't understand those verses that way.
103. The modern practice of "spanking" actually came from pagan religion.
"From its earliest practice, in Ancient Greece, spankings were administered to adults. It was a pagan practice for increasing fertility in barren women who were spanked by the pagan priests. Later, it was introduced into the Catholic Church as a means for adult women to have their sins removed by the priest spanking them after confession. In pre-WWII Britain the practice was expanded to wayward teenage girls in the tradition of the removal of sins.
The first time the idea was introduced that spankings are never to be given in anger, but rather in love, it was as the advertising pitch for the book “Spencer Spanking Plan”. That book put forth the instructions for spankings of husbands and wives within marriage in order to increase marital harmony. The key here, whether the spanking was administered for fertility, punishment, or fun, is that the person being spanked was willing."
And, as Christian parents, we're called to be separate from the practices of the world...
104. When someone is a held prisoner they don't normally call in someone to "punish" them but send in people to save them. We needed a savior to be born because we were held captive by sin.
As parents we are to model Christ. Christ saved us from the sins that had us enslaved...and He did so not by punishing us or "giving us a consequence" that involved US suffering. The consequence of our sins was that HE suffered...and in that suffering we were healed and set free from our captor: sin.
What parents who spank really fail to realize is that sin IS the punishment. The enslavement to sin IS the punishment.
105. We're not instructed to "train our children up in the way they shouldn't go."
Punitive parenting focuses on acting in our children's lives when they do something they shouldn't. It puts our focus on the things they do wrong and punishing them when they do wrong. It puts our focus on what they should NOT do and it puts their focus there as well.
The Biblical instruction is to show them the way TO go...not the way to NOT go.
So, when our child makes a bad choice...and we hit/spank them for it our focus is making it clear to them to NOT go that way. Punishment approaches the negative.
Discipline...and discipleship...is about leading our children in the way they should go.
106. I will have to deal with your child as an adult. And, sometimes I'm going to have conflict with your child. Your child might be my husband, my boss, my best friend, a store clerk, or a random guy on the street who I just pulled out in front of. Whoever your child is to me someday, I may have conflict with them. I may do things they don't like or approve of and how you train them to deal with that is training them how to treat me.
If the way you raise your child is that if they break a rule or cross a line that they get "punished" (hit/spanked) then that is what's going to be "in" them when they deal with me. They're going to be more likely to lash out at me in whatever way is appropriate for the situation. If we're drunk together in a bar, maybe they'll just hit me. If I'm a subordinate at work maybe they'll cut my hours. If I'm just some random person on the street maybe they'll give me the finger. Whatever the situation, if they've been trained that offenses call for "punishment" they're going to give me a bad day.
Even if you spank only as a "last resort" this keeps that "punishment" option on the table and again, it will just mean that it might take a little longer till they react to me in that way. Maybe if we're drunk in a bar together, I'll really REALLLLLY have to push them or irritate them before they hit me. Maybe I'll have to do the same thing wrong 10 times at work before they dock my hours. It still means that the future adult you're raising is going to look at me and the things I do wrong as someone they need to "punish" and that means that they will upset me, be mean to me, and make my life hard when they think it's appropriate.
107. War. You know that wars will break out officially once all attempts at negotiations have been exhausted. Like the people who claim to use force (spanking) as a "last resort" wars break out once they run out of words.
We are raising up the future leaders of our world and what if they were never spanked "as a last resort?" What if they were never made to comply "with force?" What if they had been trained their whole lives to never give up on the relationship and negotiations? Imagine all the lives it would save if no world leaders ever thought that using force "as a last resort" was an acceptable option?
108. The popular admonition to "spank our children in love" and never in anger is not found in the Bible. How and when did God "hit?" Striking in love would surely be a concept that's clearly demonstrated in the Bible by our Father...
Let's look at some (not all) of the verses...
Hmmm…Seems like when God strikes...hits..."spanks"...His children...He does it in anger/wrath.
AND...He does it only...in the Old Testament.
Modern Christian parents want to claim that they spanking because God tells them to and they "spank in love" but if you want to see what God does "in love" just look at the life of Jesus...and look at Jesus on the cross.
So, as far as the "spanking in love" argument goes...it is not Biblical. If you wanna say you spanking because of the Bible then you must do it as the Bible demonstrates God doing it: in anger. If you cannot come to peace with spanking in anger, then, perhaps you either need to stop spanking...or you need to...stop spanking!
In case those verses aren't enough to demonstrate that God never "hits" in love…here's a few more verses...
1. Numbers 25:11, 2 Kings 22:17, 2 Chronicles 12:7, 2 Chronicles 34:25, Job 42:7, Psalm 138:7, Isaiah 48:9, Isaiah 60:10, Isaiah 63:3, Isaiah 63:5, Isaiah 63:6, Jeremiah 4:4, Jeremiah 7:20, Jeremiah 21:5, Jeremiah 21:12, Jeremiah 25:15, Jeremiah 32:31, Jeremiah 32:37, Jeremiah 33:5, Jeremiah 42:18, Jeremiah 44:6, Ezekiel 5:13, Ezekiel 6:12, Ezekiel 7:8, Ezekiel 7:14, Ezekiel 8:18, Ezekiel 9:8, Ezekiel 13:13, Ezekiel 13:15, Ezekiel 14:19, Ezekiel 20:8, Ezekiel 20:13, Ezekiel 20:21, Ezekiel 21:17, Ezekiel 21:31, Ezekiel 22:20, Ezekiel 22:21, Ezekiel 22:22, Ezekiel 22:31, Ezekiel 23:25, Ezekiel 24:13, Ezekiel 25:14, Ezekiel 25:17, Ezekiel 30:15, Ezekiel 36:6, Ezekiel 36:18, Ezekiel 38:19, Hosea 5:10, Hosea 11:9, Hosea 13:11, Zechariah 6:8, Hebrews 3:11, Hebrews 4:3
Here's a good post by Dulcé de Leche on, "Spanking in Anger."
The way God "struck" in the New Testament is seen on the cross. God "struck" Himself. He took all of our sins upon Himself and by His wounds we are healed.
The way that God "spanks in love" is by doing all the suffering HIMSELF and forgiving the transgressor. The way God "spanks in love" is by forgiveness and by NOT "spanking" us...
As noted in three of the gospels...
109. Even dogs can be trained without being hit. If you've ever watched an episode of the "Dog Whisperer" you will see that even dogs, who don't have the capability of reasoning, can be trained without "corporal punishment." He sometimes pokes them to "get their attention" but the point of his poking is not to cause pain or punish but to redirect their attention.
If you watch this show the dogs you will see that the dogs needing trained will not just be "puppies in need of training" but they are dogs who somehow grew up and have become very maladapted adult dogs. They can be aggressive and are usually totally out of control. Yet, focusing on the "leader" changing THEIR behavior...and getting THEMSELVES into control and teaching them a few techniques on "leadership"...the dogs bad behavior disappears.
Are we to believe that even dogs who have no ability to reason can be trained...even once they're "old dogs" and have been raised and turned out "bad"...can be trained without ever striking them...but humans who are still young and have the ability to reason must be struck?
Are we to believe that the one on the left can be taught without "spanking" but that the one on the right MUST be "spanked" in order to learn? REALLY?!
110. We are to teach our children how to properly be "subject to one another" so that the world can see who God is through how we interact with one another. The way we treat each other directly reflects on God.
When we are raised being spanked and punished for all we do it makes it difficult to "be subject to one another" because we are always judging and expecting others to be punished.
111. We parents are training up future husbands who are told to love their lives in a way that never is to involve punishing them. In Ephesians 5 husbands are instructed that, "...as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,"
How was the church subject to Christ? The church was the subject of greatest importance to Christ, wasn't it? It was the subject of His giving up His life in heaven to come to earth. It was the subject Christ lived...and died for. The church was the center of all His activities. His whole purpose for existence on earth was to love, sanctify and cleanse the church.
And, Jesus "learned to do this" where? He said:
Jesus "learned to do this" by seeing His father do it...or at least that's the message He wanted us to get from that.
So, the way a Christian father parents his son should teach him by example...to someday give himself up and devote himself fully to his wife. The way a Christian father parents his son should teach him to sacrifice for, live and die for, sanctify, and cleanse his wife someday. And, I would have to ask how does "spanking" model this? It doesn't.
Christians have been given the job of bringing the "Good News" to the world. The people we are in charge of bringing that news to the most are the ones closest to us. Everything we do with our children from the day they're born is telling them news of some sort. If when you were a child someone came and told you that your parents had found out something you'd done and that they were coming to "give you a good spanking" you didn't consider that to be, "Good News."
Isaiah 52:7
How lovely on the mountains Are the feet of him who brings good news, Who announces peace And brings good news of happiness, Who announces salvation, And says to Zion, “Your God reigns!”
Isaiah 61:1
The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me, Because the Lord has anointed me To bring good news to the afflicted; He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, To proclaim liberty to captives And freedom to prisoners
Nahum 1:15
Behold, on the mountains the feet of him who brings good news, Who announces peace!
Luke 2:9-11
And an angel of the Lord suddenly stood before them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them; and they were terribly frightened. But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid; for behold, I bring you good news of great joy which will be for all the people; for today in the city of David there has been born for you a Savior, who is Christ the Lord.
(Note: it doesn't say that a judge has been born today...but a Savior!)
102. The ancient Jews (who wrote those "rod" verses in the Bible) didn't strike their children to discipline them because they didn't understand those verses that way.
103. The modern practice of "spanking" actually came from pagan religion.
"From its earliest practice, in Ancient Greece, spankings were administered to adults. It was a pagan practice for increasing fertility in barren women who were spanked by the pagan priests. Later, it was introduced into the Catholic Church as a means for adult women to have their sins removed by the priest spanking them after confession. In pre-WWII Britain the practice was expanded to wayward teenage girls in the tradition of the removal of sins.
The first time the idea was introduced that spankings are never to be given in anger, but rather in love, it was as the advertising pitch for the book “Spencer Spanking Plan”. That book put forth the instructions for spankings of husbands and wives within marriage in order to increase marital harmony. The key here, whether the spanking was administered for fertility, punishment, or fun, is that the person being spanked was willing."
And, as Christian parents, we're called to be separate from the practices of the world...
2 Corinthians 6:17
“Therefore, come out from their midst and be separate,” says the Lord.
Ephesians 5:6-12
Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience. Therefore do not be partakers with them; for you were formerly darkness, but now you are Light in the Lord; walk as children of Light (for the fruit of the Light consists in all goodness and righteousness and truth), trying to learn what is pleasing to the Lord. Do not participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness, but instead even expose them; for it is disgraceful even to speak of the things which are done by them in secret.
James 1:27
Pure and undefiled religion in the sight of our God and Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their distress, and to keep oneself unstained by the world.
104. When someone is a held prisoner they don't normally call in someone to "punish" them but send in people to save them. We needed a savior to be born because we were held captive by sin.
John 8:34
Jesus answered them, “Truly, truly, I say to you, everyone who commits sin is the slave of sin.
Romans 6:6
knowing this, that our old self was crucified with Him, in order that our body of sin might be done away with, so that we would no longer be slaves to sin
Romans 6:17
But thanks be to God that though you were slaves of sin, you became obedient from the heart to that form of teaching to which you were committed
As parents we are to model Christ. Christ saved us from the sins that had us enslaved...and He did so not by punishing us or "giving us a consequence" that involved US suffering. The consequence of our sins was that HE suffered...and in that suffering we were healed and set free from our captor: sin.
What parents who spank really fail to realize is that sin IS the punishment. The enslavement to sin IS the punishment.
1 Peter 2:24
...and He Himself bore our sins in His body on the cross, so that we might die to sin and live to righteousness; for by His wounds you were healed.
105. We're not instructed to "train our children up in the way they shouldn't go."
Punitive parenting focuses on acting in our children's lives when they do something they shouldn't. It puts our focus on the things they do wrong and punishing them when they do wrong. It puts our focus on what they should NOT do and it puts their focus there as well.
The Biblical instruction is to show them the way TO go...not the way to NOT go.
So, when our child makes a bad choice...and we hit/spank them for it our focus is making it clear to them to NOT go that way. Punishment approaches the negative.
Discipline...and discipleship...is about leading our children in the way they should go.
106. I will have to deal with your child as an adult. And, sometimes I'm going to have conflict with your child. Your child might be my husband, my boss, my best friend, a store clerk, or a random guy on the street who I just pulled out in front of. Whoever your child is to me someday, I may have conflict with them. I may do things they don't like or approve of and how you train them to deal with that is training them how to treat me.
If the way you raise your child is that if they break a rule or cross a line that they get "punished" (hit/spanked) then that is what's going to be "in" them when they deal with me. They're going to be more likely to lash out at me in whatever way is appropriate for the situation. If we're drunk together in a bar, maybe they'll just hit me. If I'm a subordinate at work maybe they'll cut my hours. If I'm just some random person on the street maybe they'll give me the finger. Whatever the situation, if they've been trained that offenses call for "punishment" they're going to give me a bad day.
Even if you spank only as a "last resort" this keeps that "punishment" option on the table and again, it will just mean that it might take a little longer till they react to me in that way. Maybe if we're drunk in a bar together, I'll really REALLLLLY have to push them or irritate them before they hit me. Maybe I'll have to do the same thing wrong 10 times at work before they dock my hours. It still means that the future adult you're raising is going to look at me and the things I do wrong as someone they need to "punish" and that means that they will upset me, be mean to me, and make my life hard when they think it's appropriate.
107. War. You know that wars will break out officially once all attempts at negotiations have been exhausted. Like the people who claim to use force (spanking) as a "last resort" wars break out once they run out of words.
We are raising up the future leaders of our world and what if they were never spanked "as a last resort?" What if they were never made to comply "with force?" What if they had been trained their whole lives to never give up on the relationship and negotiations? Imagine all the lives it would save if no world leaders ever thought that using force "as a last resort" was an acceptable option?
108. The popular admonition to "spank our children in love" and never in anger is not found in the Bible. How and when did God "hit?" Striking in love would surely be a concept that's clearly demonstrated in the Bible by our Father...
Let's look at some (not all) of the verses...
Deuteronomy 9:8
...the Lord was so angry with you that He would have destroyed you.
Deuteronomy 9:19
For I was afraid of the anger and hot displeasure with which the Lord was wrathful against you in order to destroy you...
2 Kings 22:17
...therefore My wrath burns against this place, and it shall not be quenched...
2 Chronicles 34:25
...My wrath will be poured out on this place and it shall not be quenched.”’
Job 42:7
...the LORD said to Eliphaz the Temanite, “My wrath is kindled against you and against your two friends, because you have not spoken of Me what is right as My servant Job has.
Isaiah 60:10
“...For in My wrath I struck you...
Isaiah 63:3
“...I also trod them in My anger and trampled them in My wrath..."
Isaiah 63:6
“I trod down the peoples in My anger and made them drunk in My wrath, and I poured out their lifeblood on the earth.”
Jeremiah 4:4
“...Or else My wrath will go forth like fire And burn with none to quench it, Because of the evil of your deeds.”
Jeremiah 7:20
Therefore thus says the Lord GOD, “Behold, My anger and My wrath will be poured out on this place, on man and on beast and on the trees of the field and on the fruit of the ground; and it will burn and not be quenched.”
Jeremiah 21:5
I Myself will war against you with an outstretched hand and a mighty arm, even in anger and wrath and great indignation.
Jeremiah 32:37
Behold, I will gather them out of all the lands to which I have driven them in My anger, in My wrath and in great indignation...
Jeremiah 33:5
‘...men whom I have slain in My anger and in My wrath'...
Jeremiah 42:18
For thus says the LORD of hosts, the God of Israel, “As My anger and wrath have been poured out on the inhabitants of Jerusalem, so My wrath will be poured out on you when you enter Egypt..."
Jeremiah 44:6
Therefore My wrath and My anger were poured out and burned in the cities of Judah and in the streets of Jerusalem...
Ezekiel 5:13
‘Thus My anger will be spent and I will satisfy My wrath on them, and I will be appeased; then they will know that I, the LORD, have spoken in My zeal when I have spent My wrath upon them.
Ezekiel 6:12
...I spend My wrath on them.
Hosea 13:11
I gave you a king in My anger and took him away in My wrath.
Hmmm…Seems like when God strikes...hits..."spanks"...His children...He does it in anger/wrath.
AND...He does it only...in the Old Testament.
Modern Christian parents want to claim that they spanking because God tells them to and they "spank in love" but if you want to see what God does "in love" just look at the life of Jesus...and look at Jesus on the cross.
So, as far as the "spanking in love" argument goes...it is not Biblical. If you wanna say you spanking because of the Bible then you must do it as the Bible demonstrates God doing it: in anger. If you cannot come to peace with spanking in anger, then, perhaps you either need to stop spanking...or you need to...stop spanking!
In case those verses aren't enough to demonstrate that God never "hits" in love…here's a few more verses...
1. Numbers 25:11, 2 Kings 22:17, 2 Chronicles 12:7, 2 Chronicles 34:25, Job 42:7, Psalm 138:7, Isaiah 48:9, Isaiah 60:10, Isaiah 63:3, Isaiah 63:5, Isaiah 63:6, Jeremiah 4:4, Jeremiah 7:20, Jeremiah 21:5, Jeremiah 21:12, Jeremiah 25:15, Jeremiah 32:31, Jeremiah 32:37, Jeremiah 33:5, Jeremiah 42:18, Jeremiah 44:6, Ezekiel 5:13, Ezekiel 6:12, Ezekiel 7:8, Ezekiel 7:14, Ezekiel 8:18, Ezekiel 9:8, Ezekiel 13:13, Ezekiel 13:15, Ezekiel 14:19, Ezekiel 20:8, Ezekiel 20:13, Ezekiel 20:21, Ezekiel 21:17, Ezekiel 21:31, Ezekiel 22:20, Ezekiel 22:21, Ezekiel 22:22, Ezekiel 22:31, Ezekiel 23:25, Ezekiel 24:13, Ezekiel 25:14, Ezekiel 25:17, Ezekiel 30:15, Ezekiel 36:6, Ezekiel 36:18, Ezekiel 38:19, Hosea 5:10, Hosea 11:9, Hosea 13:11, Zechariah 6:8, Hebrews 3:11, Hebrews 4:3
Here's a good post by Dulcé de Leche on, "Spanking in Anger."
The way God "struck" in the New Testament is seen on the cross. God "struck" Himself. He took all of our sins upon Himself and by His wounds we are healed.
The way that God "spanks in love" is by doing all the suffering HIMSELF and forgiving the transgressor. The way God "spanks in love" is by forgiveness and by NOT "spanking" us...
As noted in three of the gospels...
Matthew 18:5-7
And whoever receives one such child in My name receives Me; but whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to stumble, it would be better for him to have a heavy millstone hung around his neck, and to be drowned in the depth of the sea...
Mark 9:41-43
“Whoever causes one of these little ones who believe to stumble, it would be better for him if, with a heavy millstone hung around his neck, he had been cast into the sea...
Luke 17:1-3
He said to His disciples, “...It would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck and he were thrown into the sea, than that he would cause one of these little ones to stumble..."
109. Even dogs can be trained without being hit. If you've ever watched an episode of the "Dog Whisperer" you will see that even dogs, who don't have the capability of reasoning, can be trained without "corporal punishment." He sometimes pokes them to "get their attention" but the point of his poking is not to cause pain or punish but to redirect their attention.
If you watch this show the dogs you will see that the dogs needing trained will not just be "puppies in need of training" but they are dogs who somehow grew up and have become very maladapted adult dogs. They can be aggressive and are usually totally out of control. Yet, focusing on the "leader" changing THEIR behavior...and getting THEMSELVES into control and teaching them a few techniques on "leadership"...the dogs bad behavior disappears.
Are we to believe that even dogs who have no ability to reason can be trained...even once they're "old dogs" and have been raised and turned out "bad"...can be trained without ever striking them...but humans who are still young and have the ability to reason must be struck?
Are we to believe that the one on the left can be taught without "spanking" but that the one on the right MUST be "spanked" in order to learn? REALLY?!
110. We are to teach our children how to properly be "subject to one another" so that the world can see who God is through how we interact with one another. The way we treat each other directly reflects on God.
Eph. 5:15-21
Therefore be careful how you walk, not as unwise men but as wise, making the most of your time, because the days are evil. So then do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is. And do not get drunk with wine, for that is dissipation, but be filled with the Spirit, speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody with your heart to the Lord; always giving thanks for all things in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ to God, even the Father; and be subject to one another in the fear of Christ.
When we are raised being spanked and punished for all we do it makes it difficult to "be subject to one another" because we are always judging and expecting others to be punished.
111. We parents are training up future husbands who are told to love their lives in a way that never is to involve punishing them. In Ephesians 5 husbands are instructed that, "...as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,"
How was the church subject to Christ? The church was the subject of greatest importance to Christ, wasn't it? It was the subject of His giving up His life in heaven to come to earth. It was the subject Christ lived...and died for. The church was the center of all His activities. His whole purpose for existence on earth was to love, sanctify and cleanse the church.
And, Jesus "learned to do this" where? He said:
John 5:19
Therefore Jesus answered and was saying to them, “Truly, truly, I say to you, the Son can do nothing of Himself, unless it is something He sees the Father doing; for whatever the Father does, these things the Son also does in like manner."
Jesus "learned to do this" by seeing His father do it...or at least that's the message He wanted us to get from that.
So, the way a Christian father parents his son should teach him by example...to someday give himself up and devote himself fully to his wife. The way a Christian father parents his son should teach him to sacrifice for, live and die for, sanctify, and cleanse his wife someday. And, I would have to ask how does "spanking" model this? It doesn't.
Sons are raised in 90% of households that when someone "sins against them" will not feel naturally that they should sacrifice themselves to reconcile to that person.What will feel natural to them because of years and years of repetitive teaching and training is that that person deserves and requires to be punished.
John 12:47
... did notcome to judge the world, but to save the world.
If a man follows the life of Jesus...who was following what He saw the Father do...he will not feel the need to "fight" with his wife when she sins against him. He will make her the very subject of his life and purpose to sanctify her and cleanse her of whatever it is and to reconcile the relationship at all costs...even to the cost of his life!
This is the example a father who is parenting "God's way" will set!!!
But, when the child raised in a punitive home where the example of his father is to judge and punish those who sin against him...when that child is grown and is now a man dealing with a wife who "sins against him" is he going to approach her the way Christ did the church which had so sinned against Him? Is that man raised punitively going to have the attitude that he is to sacrifice for, sanctify, and cleanse His wife in order to reconcile the relationship? Or, is he going to "hit her back" with a sin of his own...and live in a huge spiral of "hitting back" until they finally divorce?
Many men talk about their callings in life. They think they've been called to be a pastor or been called to be a missionary, or whatever, no one can know but God. But, one thing is for certain that all men are called to the ministry of reconciliation...and men cannot be trained up in the way they should go if their parents are spanking them.
2 Corinthians 5:18
Now all these things are from God, who reconciled us to Himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation...
112. We parents are raising up future mothers and wives who are given the greatest most powerful weapon against sin in the universe and when we hit them...we disarm them.
What power did Jesus give to women? Most feminists believe Jesus was against women. Most Christian ladies even actually reject anything the Bible says about women in favor of a more "feminist" and "gender neutral" view of women. But, any attempt to look at women as "the same" as men really does women a disservice and lowers their "status."
To men Jesus gave physical might and the ability to wield a sword. But, our struggle is not against flesh and blood, is it? No. To women...He gave the same power He used to defeat the universe's greatest enemy. The same power He chose when He looked at the huge infinite arsenal of weaponry at His disposal and He chose one of them to use to defeat sin and satan. The same power that's been turned into womankind's most dirty word: submission.
Have you ever thought...that to turn submission into a dirty word...and to attempt to change it in any way...is actually looking down on what Christ did? If submission is a shameful thing and we want to reject it...how can we not be rejecting He who submitted to death on the cross, took our shame and healed us with His suffering?
Anything we do with our daughters to raise them up to feel that "submission" is a bad thing...is an insult to the One who used that weapon to save us from death. And, hitting them (spanking them) will do just that.
Best way to defeat an enemy is to disarm them.
Matthew 12:29
Or how can anyone enter the strong man’s house and carry off his property, unless he first binds the strong man? And then he will plunder his house.
Mark 3:27
But no one can enter the strong man’s house and plunder his property unless he first binds the strong man, and then he will plunder his house.
Luke 11:21
When a strong man, fully armed, guards his own house, his possessions are undisturbed.
Ephesians 6:12
For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places.
And, so if "someone" wants to come in and plunder our homes spiritually...they first must disarm us. Women must be convinced that the weapon Jesus used to fight the most important and battle in history...the weapon He gave to women..."submission"...is a dirty word...for unenlightened people...who are stuck in the dark ages. Women must be convinced that "submission" is something that it isn't and then...the home...is unprotected.
Women matter that much.
And, one look at the history of mankind in the last 100 years shows ya what happens when women reject this weapon. While it's true that women have been mistreated for eons by men who have taken advantage of us, but, what if the only thing holding things together in the world was us? And, now...it's as tho' everything's come unglued! Divorce! Obesity! Suicide! Depression! Drug addiction! Child abuse! Child on child murders! You name it and it's going crazy...all in the same time period that women have fully rejected being women.
Being spanked by fathers in an authoritarian household does not demonstrate to daughters the power that they have in the world. It does nothing but make them feel the need to rise up and "defend themselves" thus robbing them of the power they have. Modern feminists who have abandoned the traditional women's role in favor of being like a man have become not EMpowered...but DIS-empowered.
If we women read thru this passage with out being defensive...without trying to explain it away that it's something for both men and women...if we look at it thru the eyes of someone receiving the greatest power in the world rather than "being a doormat"...if we read this thru eyes that comprehend it in and authoritative rather than an authoritarian way...just look at the power here...
1 Peter 2-3
For you (women) have been called for this purpose, since Christ also suffered for you, leaving you (women) an example for you to follow in His steps, who committed no sin (Jesus didn't do anything wrong...it wasn't His fault),
...nor was any deceit found in His mouth; and while being reviled (while He was being accused of stuff He didn't do He didn't fight back), He did not revile in return; while suffering, He uttered no threats, but kept entrusting Himself to Him who judges righteously (He remained focused on the Father);
...and He Himself bore our sins in His body on the cross (He endured the treatment He didn't deserve), so that (satan and sin that had attacked and taken power over us would lose!) we might die to sin and live to righteousness; for by His wounds you were healed.
For you were continually straying like sheep, but now you have returned to the Shepherd and Guardian of your souls. In the same way, you wives, be submissive (quit fighting with and trying to win the arguments with and trying to judge him and punish him for the wrongdoing he does and for all the ways he fails you and sins against you! Quit nagging him and crying and yelling and threatening to leave him!) to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word (if satan has them by the throat and is doing his slimy best to drag your husband to hell!), they may be won (satan's slimy butt will be totally kicked!) without a word by (you using the same powerful weapon Jesus used on the cross!) the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior (just like Jesus on the cross who had every right to just call legions of angels to come and smite all those stupid fools who were killing the King of the Universe because they were blind and stupid and stubborn! Just like Jesus on the cross who could so easily have risen up sorta' like Gandalf when he would get really tall and make the sky grow dark...Jesus coulda' so risen up and made His biggest meanest angry-God voice and made tornadoes swirl and storm clouds crack as He put us IN OUR PLACES! But, no! That would have been a spanking! What Jesus said was, "Father forgive them for they don't know what they're doing!).
And, none of this can happen if a woman is raised being spanked and punished for her sins! If a woman is raised in a home where she is powerless and her silence and submission only serve to protect her from the punitive hands of her parents, she will grow up to resent being silent and resent being submissive when being wronged. She will grow up to resent the power of submission...she will grow up to resent this whole passage and want to explain it away because it makes her feel bad like she did as a child...not powerful. And, satan will have won.
None of this sin slaying that Jesus did on the cross can happen in a woman's home and life if we are focused on being outwardly powerful (like men). If we're concerned with "women's lib" and "being equal" and worry about things like pink vs blue, like making sure we let our sons play with dolls and our girls play with cars so that women are "equal!" If we wanna insist that women are the same as men we rob ourselves. We're powerful in a way that men aren't and can't be. We're powerful in a way that the Power Rangers and bullets aren't and never will be!
Jesus could have used angelic "Power Rangers." Jesus could have called an army of big strong burly angels with huge weapons of mass destruction! Jesus could have used some huge dangerous weapon we've never even dreamed of...some weapon to "shoot at" or overpower satan/sin...but He didn't. Those are men's weapons. Those are worldy weapons. And, those weapons are powerless against sin...as is spanking.
Jesus fought the biggest war of history...and He fought that battle with a beaten and broken body that was weak physically...but strong in a way satan could not stand up against. And, we women are the fragile and "weak" sex. We physically need a man's strong body to "protect us" and open the pickle jar for us...cut down trees and split logs for the fire. ;) We need a man who can stand physically in the doorway of our home and protect us when we sit and nurse and care tenderly for our young. But, just as a man can fight off a physical attacker in a way we can't...we women are strong and powerful in a way a man isn't and in a way satan can not defeat when we stand guard at the door of our homes. We are both powerful and precious like fine china...or a fully restored 58 Chevy convertible. Not that I dream of having one of those. (sigh)
Your adornment must not be merely external—braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God.
Women are actually the most powerful and heavily armed warriors on the planet. And, when we fully accept that...we become are precious in God's sight. <dreamy sigh>
Spanking our daughters disarms them and robs them of ever being precious in that way to God. Spanking our daughters trains them that "submission" gets them nowhere. Submission is something bad that is lorded over them and gets them no victory. Spanking them instills a yearning to "be in control" in them. Spanking models for them that when someone sins against you you don't submit to it...you punish. You fight back.
Jesus was submissive to the Father...and because of this He's been raised up higher than any other...so that every knee shall bow to Him!
1 John 4:14
We have seen and testify that the Father has sent the Son to be the Savior of the world.
In order for women to be able to fully exercise their calling and use their power in the world they have to be raised in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. And, the men they marry must be raised the same.
If a man is raised in a punitive environment he's not going to love his wife as Christ loved the church and he will not appreciate or empower his wife to lay down her life for the family like Christ did.
Training up children in a punitive spanking environment dis-empowers the husband and the wife and separates the "one flesh." It separates the man and the woman and puts them at odds against each other rather than working as a team against sin/satan so that they spend their whole marriages trying to make sure the other "pays for" the sins they've committed against them and satan...has a free pass into the house.
The biggest loser when a future men and women are spanked...is Jesus.
113. Which one of these guys would bend a child over his knee and cause them pain and make them cry?
Think about it. There are Christians out there who believe you are believing a false doctrine if you do NOT believe that using "the rod" on your children is of God. There are Christians who have accused me of "thinking with my worldly mind" because I asserted that spanking is NOT God's will. There are Christians who have asked me "what god" I serve because I don't believe in striking my children.
So, basically...when faced with Satan and Jesus...there are Christians out there who believe...that when you ask the question, "Which one of these would strike a child?" They believe that Jesus would strike a child...and the devil would not!!!!
Christians believe that Jesus hits children.
Christians believe that you are MORE like Jesus if you hit children.
Christians believe that satan would NOT hit children!!!
Christians believe that you are LIKE THE DEVIL if you DO NOT hit children!?!?!
If you ask me...that's totally effed up. To put it as mildly as I can!!!!!
I think there's the possibility that some would object to this one because Jesus, obviously, wouldn't "hit" a child but would "discipline" them (in their minds.) But, do you really think that Jesus, the Living Word, would ever "have to resort" to a spanking? You think He would run out of words? If Jesus ever "ran out of other options" and "had to resort to a spanking" He wouldn't have ever hung there on the cross.
James 3:17-18
But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, reasonable, full of mercy and good fruits, unwavering, without hypocrisy. And the seed whose fruit is righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace.
114. There is no virtue in obedience based in fear. Some may think that comparing whether or not Jesus or satan would strike a child is unfair. They'd be quick to point out that it's not just that satan wouldn't maybe "hit" the child...but he would be luring that child into further misbehavior while Jesus would strike the child to "teach them a lesson."
But, think about that. Satan...does he knock people over the head and "make" them to do wrong? You know yourself that if he did, those doing his bidding could hardly be even considered "guilty." If I hold a gun to your head and make you take all the money out of a cash register and give it to me...how would a jury look at you?
So, why do we think that God looks at the forced "good" behavior of our children as any more valid than that?
If children obey because they've been "taught to mind mom and dad!" or "because they know what they'd have comin' to them if they didn't!" there is no virtue in that. That good behavior isn't springing from a free choice and therefore is robbed of all virtue.
115. Sometimes being spanked does the opposite of "beating the devil" out of them as it actually "forces" our children into sin.
James 4:17
Therefore, to one who knows the right thing to do and does not do it, to him it is sin.
Because the Holy Spirit speaks to us as individuals, there will be times that the child will be "told" to/not to do something by the Holy Spirit that the parent sees differently. Because of the looming fear of punishment that the parent has over the child, sometimes, the child is going to choose to/not to do what the parent wants rather than what the Holy Spirit has told them to do because of that.
The parent has become a stumbling block. Remember what it says about that??
Matthew 16:6-8
...whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to stumble, it would be better for him to have a heavy millstone hung around his neck, and to be drowned in the depth of the sea.
Woe to the world because of its stumbling blocks! For it is inevitable that stumbling blocks come; but woe to that man through whom the stumbling block comes!
116. It teaches your child to base their decisions on fear. If your child has been trained to do this or not do that "or else they'll get a spanking" then their primary decision making tool will be, "Will this get me a spanking or not." This places "fear" and avoiding pain as their highest priority.
Romans 14:23
...whatever is not of faith is sin
Animals spend their lives navigating their way thru life based on fear. They hide. They live in constant fear. Jesus didn't die so that we could live like animals...but came to set us free.
117. Spanking is unkind. The Bible tells us that "it is the kindness of God that leads us to repentance." God is my father. He is my example how to parent my child. God leads me to "be good" through His kindness. I tell my children that "hitting isn't nice." It's not. It's not kind. Spanking is unkind. Spanking is not how God wants me to lead my children to "repentance."
Proverbs 3:3
Do not let kindness and truth leave you; Bind them around your neck, Write them on the tablet of your heart.
Proverbs 19:22
What is desirable in a man is his kindness
Hosea 4:1
...the Lord has a case against the inhabitants of the land, Because there is no faithfulness or kindness or knowledge of God in the land.
Hosea 12:6
Therefore, return to your God, observe kindness and justice, and wait for your God continually.
Micah 6:8
He has told you, O man, what is good; And what does the Lord require of you But to do justice, to love kindness, And to walk humbly with your God?
Zechariah 7:9
“Thus has the Lord of hosts said, ‘Dispense true justice and practice kindness and compassion each to his brother
Romans 2:4
Or do you think lightly of the riches of His kindness and tolerance and patience, not knowing that the kindness of God leads you to repentance?
Colossians 3:12
So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience;
Titus 3:4
But when the kindness of God our Savior and His love for mankind appeared, He saved us, not on the basis of deeds which we have done in righteousness, but according to His mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewing by the Holy Spirit,
1 Peter 2:2-4
...like newborn babies, long for the pure milk of the word, so that by it you may grow in respect to salvation, if you have tasted the kindness of the Lord.
2 Peter 1:5-9
Now for this very reason also, applying all diligence, in your faith supply moral excellence, and in your moral excellence, knowledge, and in your knowledge, self-control, and in your self-control,perseverance, and in your perseverance, godliness, and in your godliness, brotherly kindness, and in your brotherly kindness, love.
For if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they render you neither useless nor unfruitful in the true knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. For he who lacks these qualities is blind or short-sighted, having forgotten his purification from his former sins.
Some who believe in inflicting physical pain on children to teach them are quick also to point out the verse, "behold the kindness and severity of God..." And, you may way to say, "yeah, but..." But, the child needs "discipline"...but...just a reminder that "discipline" is NOT a synonym for "punishment" first of all...AND...Galatians says:
Galatians 5:22
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against these things there is no law...
Against these things...patience, kindness, gentleness...THERE IS NO LAW.
There is no law that tells you it's OK to be unkind or not gentle with your child.
There is no law in the Old Testament that tells you to take a weapon intended for use on predators and to strike your child with it. It's not kind. It's not patient or gentle. Spanking is not gentle. Spanking...even lightly leaves the spanked area reddened. More often than not it leaves little welts and a crying child flooded with stress hormones. It is not gentle or kind and there is no law in the Bible that tells us to to be unkind.
Believing that the Bible has a law to tell us to spank our kids is simply wrong.
118. All of the qualities of an abusive relationship between adults are the qualities of the spanking relationship. If it's abuse between two adults...it is abuse between a parent and child.
Signs of being in an abusive relationship...
- he uses of physical force when he wants you to do what he wants
- he uses threats of physical force force
- he will verbally abuse you (speak disrespectfully/impatiently, curse, call names, degrade, criticize)
- you feel afraid to disagree with him
- you feel ignored or dismissed by him
- you feel unheard and unable to communicate what you want
- he is in control (tells you what to do, where to do, what to wear, etc.)
- you have no personal space and have to share everything with him
- you feel isolated
- you feel stifled and trapped
- he makes all the decisions
- he lies to you
- he blames you for all the problems in the house
- you feel pressure to change to meet his standards
- he pushes, shoves, pinches, hits, punches, kicks or otherwise hurts you
- you constantly have to justify what you you, where you go, and who you associate with
- he presss you to do things you're uncomfortable with
- you find yourself making excuses for your partner's behavior
And, the only way to ensure that your daughters (and sons) know that these things are abusive when they are adults is to not experience them when they're a child.
119. Discipline ≠ Punishment and I am called to discipline my child.
Hebrews 12:11
All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness.
120. There is no way anyone could come up with this many Biblically, scientifically, and rationally supported arguments TO spank. If spanking was God ordained...there would be twice this many reasons TO do it and twice as much evidence to prove that it's GOOD...because God is good...and everything He makes...when He looks at it He can say, "Behold! This is very good!" Spanking has nothing but negatives...and since God is good...it cannot be His idea...
I feel like if a person who thinks spanking is God way reads to this point...and you still think it's OK...there is something really wrong...and that what more is there for Jesus to do than He's already done to prove it?
I feel like if a person who thinks spanking is God way reads to this point...and you still think it's OK...there is something really wrong...and that what more is there for Jesus to do than He's already done to prove it?
1 John 4
"By this we know the spirit of truth and the spirit of error. Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. The one who does not love does not know God, for God is love. By this the love of God was manifested in us, that God has sent His only begotten Son into the world so that we might live through Him. In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another."
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The light of the cross is a reflection we all wanna see in our child's eyes. Be the cross...be Jesus...and you will see the light reflected in their eyes. You cannot take the kingdom of God by force (spanking).
