Abortion: A private matter?

I hear it from my pro-abortion friends all the time that abortion is no big deal. That if I'm not having one it doesn't affect me. That it's a "private" matter that only affects the mom who chooses the abortion. Why would I worry myself about what some other lady does with her own body? Don't I have better things to do with my time?

Hmmm...

This world we live in currently is very "anti-child." It just is. I have 8 kids, so I hear stuff all the time. Feminists have gone so far as to think of women who have babies now as "breeders." Despicable creatures who add to the problem of overpopulation! And, people in general just have like zip-zero-nada of respect for children. They see them as some sub-class of beings. They really do.

I wonder where this came from?

I was thinking...that go back to the year abortion became legalized. 1972. All women of child bearing age at that time were told by the highest authority in the world, the US Government, that the children they would conceive WERE NOT PEOPLE. They were, non-persons. Its. And, their value in existence was only based on the desire of the mother. If the mom didn't want the baby then it was the mother's right to dispose of that life however she saw fit. Killing that baby was as benign as having a mole removed. It was just some worthless "cluster of cells" that was interfering with the woman's life. 

"Just get rid of it!" is the #1 phrase of advice moms in an unexpected pregnancy will hear. I would know.

So, starting in 1972...all women were taught this way of thought. As were all the girls growing up. Even people inclined to be "pro-life/anti-abortion" were not unscathed by this new way of thinking. The first thought entering women's heads when a pregnancy is confirmed had become, "Should I keep it?"

Anyone who has ever been pregnant knows that the "relationship" you have with your baby starts the moment you feel queasy and suspect you're pregnant. You may be "in a relationship" with someone who can reciprocate, but, you are in a relationship. 

The mom basically does nothing apart from the baby mentally to the same degree of attachment that she has physically to the baby. The mom bases all of her decisions on the baby. What she eats. When she eats. How much she eats. If she goes out. What she drinks. If she smokes. How she wears her seatbelt. If she wears her seatbelt. Where she goes. How she stands. What she lifts. Where she works. How long she stands. How she sleeps. What she wears. EVERYTHING she does is filtered thru the conscious respect for the baby.

Imagine starting off a relationship with a future spouse with whom you will be married to at least 18 years. Imagine that the 1st 9 months of your relationship, you don't even think of your husband as "a person." Do you think that would affect your relationship with him? Do you think that at the moment you got married (at 9 months into your relationship) that at that moment after 9 months of not thinking of him as "a person" that you'd suddenly just flip a switch and now see him completely differently? 

After 9 months of forming ruts in your thinking and relationship, I doubt anything would change. What your 9 months of dating is the foundation in your relationship and it will affect every aspect of your future together.

And, ya have to wonder? If you didn't see YOUR husband as "a person" for the 1st 9 months of your relationship...how would you then see everyone else's husbands? Would you see them as people? Would you see men in general as "people?" Doubtful.

Imagine that at least half of all the women on the planet do NOT see men as "people." How would you expect to see men treated as a whole?

Now...Imagine that it's not men who are thought of this way, but women. Imagine that women when dated by men are NOT thought of as "people" by the men they are dating. For 9 months you are dating this man and fully dependent on him "to keep your heart beating" and you go everywhere with him and everything he does with you affects you...but yet...he doesn't even really think of you as "a person." 

The day you get married to this man and begin your marriage to him...do you imagine that he's suddenly going to treat you completely differently?

How would it feel to be married to a man who didn't even think of you as "a person?" How would it feel to be married to a man who didn't even think of you as equal to him in value? Who felt that everything about your existence depended on whether or not he wanted you around or not? And, you had no cultural or legal right to complain or protect yourself? 

And, what if this was the majority opinion in the culture you lived in? What if at least half of the men you encountered in the world thought of you as an "it"...as a possession of your spouse, basically, and expected your husband to "keep you under control" to the point they turned a blind eye even if your husband were to hit you? What if sometimes the world expected your man to hit you if you "got out of line?" What kind of life would that be for you?

This is the world children live in in 2013. 

There is no way we can expect that the world can move forward in a peaceful, happy way, when all of the children brought into the world now are thought of by half the population as "non-persons." We can't expect that this way that the entire world has learned to think because of legalized abortion...is not going to cause us all to suffer when most babies are now starting off their relationships with their parents being thought of as "its" who exist only on the whim of their moms.

The kind of world we can expect to live in where most of the people coming into it are thought of as "its" and are disregarded and treated as sub-human is a violent one. 

A world where these "its" grow up in a family where their status as "it" never really changes much is a world that treats children without empathy and doesn't give them the respect as individuals that they require for healthy development.

A world where these baby "its" grow up into teenage "its" who have never been treated with respect will see teenagers "going wild." 

A world where children have been treated as "its" will result in a world full of adults with that psychological foundation...a world full of adults who then will think of others as "its" also. 

Abortion is not something that simply happens between a woman and her doctor.

Abortion is not something that is a private matter.

Abortion has changed everything about our society and not one of us has been un-affected by it.

Because of the ways that being disrespected affects a person as they grow up...and how those grown-ups then treat other grown-ups in life...until everyone has equal rights from the moment they begin to exist...until the foundation of the relationship moms and babies have together...and the foundation of the relationship society has with its children...none of us are truly going to be free.

Me...baking Josh's buns in my oven...2001

Persecuted for Christ

All the fuss about Chick-fil-A has me thinking a lot this week about Christians...

A popular urban legend for Christians to say, "Oooh wow!!" over is that story of the people meeting somewhere in a barn for church…and some soldiers come in and threaten to kill anyone who stands up for Jesus and allows people who wanna leave to leave. Some leave and the soldiers shoot into the air so those who left will think all inside have perished...and then announce to this amazing congregation that they are Christians, too, and needed to be sure they were with SINCERE believers before they joined them.

Great story…and most people who post/retell/share this story would of course, picture themselves as one of those amazing faithful who would take a bullet for Jesus.

Really?

I don't have statistics on this, obviously, but I would be willing to wager most of my life's savings that MOST of the people who think they would take a bullet for Jesus…won't even drive the speed limit. (Romans 13:1) 

And, I'd bet that a lot of those who believe they'd take a bullet to stand up for Jesus won't stand up for Him in other small daily things...like...I just bet a lot of them...

…cheat on their taxes (Matthew 22:16-18)

…text while driving (Philippians 2:2-4)

…gossip (Proverbs 20:18-20)

…disrespect their spouses (Ephesians 5:24-26)

…are overweight (Proverbs 23:20-22)

…are covetous (shopaholics!)

…and so forth.

So, they think they'll take a bullet for Jesus…but they won't control their own eating or spending or their mouth. 

This is what the dictionary defines as hypocrisy.

Yep. And, the world sees it. 

This last week it's been all about Chick-fil-A. The "left" crying, "hate!" and the right almost cheering, "Yay! We're being persecuted for Christ!" But…what's really going on?

My opinion is that the left is smelling a rat. Smelling a hypocrite. The log in the church's high-divorce-rate eye is so huge they can't see past it but they manage to find time to fuss at the gay splinter-in-the-gay-marriage-eye. 

There is a t-shirt I saw once:

"Preach the gospel always…and when necessary…use words."

I have since then often thought that it would be a blessing to God if the church were struck mute. It's not the barn and bullet situation that's a true test in 2012 of who Christ's TRUE followers are…it would be who would still be identifiable as a Christian if they were not able to speak and preach (or in these days type!) Who would LIVE in such a way that people would see them "shining a light before men?" 'Cause guess what? The BIBLE says that if we shine our light…then people will what? 

"Let your light shine before men in such a way that they may see your good works and glorify your Father who is in heaven." Matthew 5:16

God says that if we live a certain way…our works will SHINE…and the world will glorify God. 

God doesn't say, "use words to say you stand up for what's written in the Bible and you can rejoice when you really make the world mad at you."

No.

In fact…if you look in the Bible…WHO hated Jesus?

Did the promiscuous hate Jesus?

Did the prostitutes hate Him?

Did the liars hate Jesus?

Did the cheats hate Him?

Did the total losers hate Him?

No…those people loved Him. They flocked to Him, felt free to touch Him, and hung out with Him.

Who hated Him while He was on the earth living a life that attracted sinners to Him? And, who hated Him FOR hanging with sinners?

The Son of Man came eating and drinking, and they say, ‘Behold, a gluttonous man and a drunkard, a friend of tax collectors and sinners!’ Yet wisdom is vindicated by her deeds.” Matthew 11:18-20

The church people of that day hated Jesus.

The people who thought they were in the "in" crowd hated Jesus.

The people who thought they were going to heaven hated Jesus.

The people who thought they were righteous and knew their scripture hated Jesus. 

"For you have been called for this purpose, since Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example for you to follow in His steps." 1 Peter 2:21

Jesus said He was the perfect representation of how God IS. (John 14:6-8) Jesus hung with the "liberals". Jesus hung with the "leftists". Jesus…hung with the equivalent of the "Obama supporters!" (and all the other groups I see mocking fb posts by Christians about!) Those types were drawn to Jesus and felt safe and welcomed by Him. He didn't condemn them. He didn't mock them. He didn't get in their faces and tell them they were going to HELL! (Matthew 7:1-3)

His harshest words, in fact, were aimed at...who?

"But when He saw many of the Pharisees and Sadducees coming for baptism, He said to them, "you brood of vipers, who warned you to flee from the wrath to come?" Matthew 3:6-8

"You brood of vipers, how can you, being evil, speak what is good? For the mouth speaks out of that which fills the heart." Matthew 12:33-35

That is the example Jesus left us as our example as to how to live.

So…to follow Jesus' example…which is what makes a person actually a Chrisitan…that would mean we'd need to live a life that draws in and welcomes those we look at as "sinners". Does that characterize your life? 

To follow Jesus' example that would mean we'd share meals and hang out with and be friends with people…on the "left"! To follow Jesus' example it means we'd hang out with…"the liberals"!!! Following Jesus' example means those people would feel safe and welcomed by us. It means they'd like spending time with us. It means we'd respect them and they'd respect us! And...it means…that the church…would see us hanging with these people and question our Christianity (Matthew 11:18-20). Following Jesus' example means that the people on earth who would persecute us would not be the liberals, the gays, the pro-choicers, the leftists...but would be the "2012 Pharisees"…

So…who do you attract?

Who approves of you?

Who do you spend the majority of your time with?

Do you post mocking statuses about "liberals" and "lefties"?

Does everyone in the church just think you're awesome and totally approve of everything and every way you're living? 

Could it be that the "left" starts name calling and accusing the "right" when something like this Chick-fil-A thing happens not because we're "being persecuted" but...maybe because...

"...for in the way you judge...you will be judged; and by your standard of measure, it will be measured to you."

And, maybe it would do the church well to take heed of the rest of that admonition by Jesus and...

"Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? You hypocrite!!! First!!! Take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye."

Maybe if the church did that...and followed Jesus' example...we'd actually start to shine!? 

Something worth thinking about...

Muddy waters...

Recently a few blogs I've run across have discussed gender roles...and really what they're talking about is boundaries and definition. I get it from all the reading that it's the common belief in the developed world that these gender roles are to be done away with. They're old school. They're oppressive and disrespectful and debilitating. 

But, it seems to me that...everything in life needs boundaries and definition. Without it...a river becomes a swamp, right? When there is a boundary...a swamp becomes a flowing river which can power a city. 

Or, imagine...you feel oppressed and ruled-over by the lines in the pavement which tell you where and which direction you may park your car. So, you get the shopping center to remove those lines. Now, you pull into a parking lot freeeee of oppressive lines! Hallelujah! Now you are free to choose to park your car anywhere!

Yeah. How would that work? And, how safe would you feel driving through or parking in that parking lot?

If I had time to think about it right now...which lately I don't have time to do much thinking...I could list for you a buncha' things which benefit from boundaries and how taking away the boundaries makes things uncertain and ultimately unsafe. I feel like far from "women's liberation"...really...all we've done to men and women in the developed world is we've removed the boundaries...

And, now maybe you at first imagine that well maybe a parking lot sans lines would be kinda' fun. You picture people parking in interesting patterns and think, "yeah, that could work." But, if you could see and experience the reality of it...once there were about 100 cars strewn erratically in the parking lot it's then that you would see the "fruit" of this idea. Far from Utopia there would be confusion, fighting, accidents, and a inefficient use of space in the parking lot so much so that if it got "full" it would end up leaving many people out...and when it wasn't full the messiness of it might turn many away...

Like...we all know how fruit works, right? If you eat like a pig the "fruit" is negative and you get an unhealthy flabby unsightly body. If you work out and jog and eat well the "fruit" is positive and you get a healthy body with an attractive appearance. Right? We get the whole fruits thing. You reap what you sow. What comes around goes around. Karma. Got it.

So, here we are 100 years into the future from the time women have been "liberated" right. So, what's the fruit? How does our world look now that we've been working so hard at removing the boundaries of those gender roles?

Women now are now free to choose to go to work. Oh, but are they? No. Let me rephrase that to make that more truthful. Having daughters and being female myself, the truth in 2012 is women are now expected to go to work. So, being freed from the demeaning role of wife/house maker...now we get to go to work like men do! This sometimes deprives women of children entirely (by choice). If they choose to have children it often limits the amount of them. And, always it takes women away from the home and children 8-10 hours a day. 

And, the fruit of this time away from home? Increasingly...year after year...we have more and more children on meds for things like bi-polar disorder and depression...increasingly we have children committing suicide...increasingly we have a statistically more and more depressed world. There's some fruit. What does that tell us? Is it negative or positive?

And, what about women's health? Did you know that the more cumulative months of nursing you have the more your chance of breast cancer decreases? Nursing babies makes women's bodies healthy. Nursing babies can ward of depression and anxiety in women. But, now moms find terms like "stay at home" mom to be shameful and something we have to explain and justify and so we rush off back to work asap...(so we can be equal to men who really feel no biological need to be near the babies like we do which actually makes us UNequal because men are doing what's natural for them (by leaving) and we're doing what's unnatural for us)...and so we put our amazing life-giving lactating breasts back into push-up bras so they look nice for the world...we feed our babies bottles...we do not get enough sleep...we're stressed out, tired, and always in fear of breast cancer. There's the fruit.

And, what about men? Men, used to be needed. Women needed their men at one point to go out and hunt and drag home something to eat...they later needed their men to farm the land and bring in the crops...we later needed our men to go to work and "bring home the bacon". Men had a family to support. They were needed for the survival of their families. Now, who needs men? Sometimes their bacon is insignificant compared to the women's bacon. Their wife makes babies, cares for the house, AND brings home the bacon...so what good is he? And, what's the fruit? How happy and healthy are men in the west these days?

I don't need to research it or post specific references here...we all live in it. We all see it. We all know that most of the world is on anti-depressants these days. Men and women. We all know people aren't happy and that their marriages are failing. Just browse the reality TV program selection these days. Shows about OCD, hoarding, animal abuse, bi-polar disorder, anger issues, drugs...I mean...you name it and there's a show for it. Our culture is not doing well.

That's the fruit of our current gender-confused culture.

Some, I notice, try to blame all of the problems we have on "genes"...but even if it were our genes...what in the heck has happened in the last 100 years to cause such a disturbance in the gene pool? One could wonder...why are those waters so...muddy?

Jesus said you'll know stuff by its fruit. Christian ladies...think about what you've bought into in your thinking about your role as wife and mother...

Think about it...so many studies have been done which have shown that even short separations from mom have negative effects on the baby. Taking a newborn away from her mother for even just a few hours you can start to see negative things happening to the baby's body. But, what about dad? Do babies suffer from being separated all day from dad? Sorry, guys, but if it's not a permanent (divorce) type separation the answer is no.

And, women...you separate us from our babies and we have a negative physical response. But, dads can go back to work the next day and smile and stand around handing out cigars, right? 

Our female baby-making lactating bodies are almost magic we're so amazing...and what we do with our bodies matters SO MUCH to the next generation...just our presence can direct our children toward being a peaceful, well-adapted, socially competent, confident, content, and loving person in the future. And, what are the ripple effects of that kind of person? That's power. Imagine all the women of the earth kicking back...relaxing at home instead of running the rat race...and exercising that power (that men don't have and could never have) to bring peace on earth...


(It is interesting to note that women CAN do whatever men do...but they can't do what we do...yes...girls rule and boys drool.) :) 

Worth thinking about...

Cleaving to Our Parents...

I have a friend who on many occasions has expressed sentiments to me such as, "I always feel like I have to do more and be better and still I'll never be good enough." and she laments often of feeling worthless. I hate this. I want to be able to fix this for her. But, it's not even just her…it's like…so many woman feel this same way…Why do we feel this way?

For me...I can see it going way back...My parents never approved of "me" as I was. Sort of like the kid on "How to Train Your Dragon". My parents were constantly pushing me to be "better". They were constantly pushing me to be what they thought "I could be if I just tried hard enough". They believed I could be a straight A student if I just applied myself. So, if I brought home my report card and I had an A- in one class, they weren't like, "Great grades" they were like, "Why isn't this an A?"

Then...when I got pregnant at age 17...they were simply so disgusted with this situation that they saw nothing good in it. Nothing good in "me". When I paused and struggled over "what to do about it"...paused to think about if I should keep the baby or not...I felt like the fact that I actually stopped and thought, "Hmm...this was my mistake...if someone should lose their life over this...it probably should be me..." that that was something noble in me...something selfless that deserved recognition in the midst of the big pile of manure I'd just shoveled onto the floor, but no. Nothing I did had any virtue in their eyes if I wasn't doing exactly what they thought I should. I was their worst case scenario for a child. My heart mattered nothing...ever...only my actions and if they didn't measure up...neither did I.

And, so, here I am today. I've been out of my parents' house since I was 17. And, that's more than half my life ago...24 years have gone since then. And, yet still today...I feel inadequate in every sense. I don't cook good-enough food. I don't homeschool good-enough. I don't spend enough time with the kids. I don't look good-enough. I'm worthless and good-for-nothing and can't understand why anyone talks to me at all. Every time the credit card machine judges me and flashed, "Approved" on the screen it makes me feel weird. I have like 800 "friends" on facebook and you know I've like requested maybe 100 of them. So, I've had 700 people request a connection with me, yet, I feel like everyone finds me stupid and annoying. I feel certain that every time I "share" something that it's an irritation. I feel mostly comfortable with clicking "like" buttons because at least no one can really fault me for reading an article and clicking "like" and so fb posts itself...that's not so irritating, is it?

<heavy sigh> How can someone my age... be so far removed from the days when I was treated that way and STILL feel this way? It's wired into us...literally...biologically...

So, I sat the other night trying to write a letter to my friend to encourage her, and I was thinking about all this and suddenly something struck me.

The Bible says we are to "LEAVE our parents and CLEAVE to our spouse."

I don't think this is talking about moving out of our parents' house. I don't think this is just merely talking about looking from our parents to our spouse for counsel and decision making either. I think it's more...

Well…(for we ladies) let's try to imagine how the men we are married to felt when they were getting to know us. Well, first let's imagine them meeting someone they felt was annoying, worthless, ugly, good-for-nothing, stupid, etc. When our men met women like that...did they...pursue them and try to marry them? When women like that approached them and tried to hook up with them did they jump for joy and go for it? Or, did they run far far away from them?

I asked my husband if while he was single if any women he'd identify as the aforementioned ever approached him and was he all excited and did he want to go out with them and marry them? He was like, "no…"

So, when our men 1st were getting to know us...they thought things like,
"Wow...I really like her."
"She's pretty"
"She's funny"
"She's smart"
"She would make a good mom for my children"
"She's awesome"
"I like being around her".

When they 1st met us they couldn't wait to see us again when we'd end a date and go our separate ways. We would be on their minds all day long till they got to see us again. When they'd see on their caller ID that it was us calling they felt an instant surge of adrenaline 'cause they were excited it was us. They laid in bed at night and anticipated someday when they'd get to sleep with us. They thought...we...were...AWESOME!

Right?

SO…if the man and woman are to be "one flesh"…one mind…united IN Christ...if I insist on believing that I am anything other than what my spouse sees me as...if I am clinging to these beliefs about myself which clearly came from my parents...if I'm clinging to these beliefs and allowing them to affect me "now"...I have not left my parents. I am still "cleaving" to my parents.

With all the reading I've done about child development…I don't believe it is too easy to stop clinging to these beliefs we're "trained" to have. When a baby girl is brought home and dropped off in a crib and left to cry alone in the darkness till she figures out that she's not worth coming to soothe and she learns that the only one who is always there for her is "herself". We "train" babies to conform to our schedules because we don't want them interfering with our lives. And, in this way we teach them that they are not worthy. Even the common belief that it is OK to hit children (spanking) teaches us that when we make mistakes we deserve to suffer and makes us frustrated when we see others doing wrong and not suffering for it.

Then for those of us with parents who always pushed and pushed us to "be better"…how are we ever to look in the mirror and be satisfied? How are we ever to look at our own lives, our own decisions, and feel good about ourselves? How are we ever to see ourselves as anything but someone who is in the way of others' pleasure, a nuisance, and someone who will never be good enough? Even though our parents didn't intend this, these lessons we are taught from day 1 actually wire our brains and makes it almost unnatural to begin to believe now as adults that we ARE worthy and we ARE loved. It's like trying to unlearn being able to read or ride a bike. Once you've learned something, it's in there.

But...that's why we're transformed by the renewing of our minds...and why we can do ALL THINGS thru Him who strengthens us.

Partly I have no hope for people trained this way. Partly I have no hope that I'll ever be able to shake the feeling of worthlessness and inadequacy. But, if we can do all things thru Christ…then somehow this must be possible…for me…and for you.

And, when I can't see the whole path ahead of me, I can at least do what Bob on "What About Bob" learned…and take baby steps. And, last night…as I thought to write a letter to my friend who feels this way who also told me, "I find it strange to feel encouraged by my dad", that we can at least start by identifying and calling what our parents did with us what it actually was. We don't have to stop loving or appreciating our parents. You actually love them more if you love them even tho' you see them for who and what they really are…fallible. If we insist on protecting our parents' reputations in our minds by insisting they did good with us…when we are adults who can't even love ourselves…we are lying…and no matter how bad a job our parents have done with us pretty much all of our parents have at least taught us not to lie.

So, I believe that the Biblical command is where we need to start…and if we do that everything will eventually work out and fall into place where it should. We need to, as women, we need to separate ourselves from our parents. Separate…not estrange. Separate. And, when we do that we need to identify how our parents made us feel. Identify what they did. Call it what it is. Allow ourselves to feel the hurt and the anger we felt being abandoned to our cribs to cry alone while mom and dad slept contentedly together. We need to allow ourselves to feel the anger and even rage we were not allowed to feel when we were struck by our parents and were not allowed to react in anger or we got hit again…allow ourselves the time to be angry about it and then to forgive…and then cleave to the one who pursued us because he thought we were awesome…pretty…smart…and then begin to see ourselves thru his eyes…

It's at least a start...

But, what do you do if your marriage is so old and messed up that your husband only sees you now as a b-word...well...I guess this isn't a very encouraging blog posting...'cause I know our lives are never as simple as a blog posting...but...for the ideal...for the newlyweds...this...is a very good start...and I would have to wonder that for those of us who have relationships which are no longer so ideal...could it be that if we do not begin to see each other the way the OTHER sees us if they instead begin to see us as we see ourselves? Humans...are so complex...


That's me as a baby...