Sunday, September 29, 2013

Parenting in Technicolor: My story of how I stopped spanking


This is the post that I did for "The Mule", Oct. 14, 2011...

I realize I've never put it here and I wanted to put it here just for history's sake (for me) so here it is...

- - -

In January 2008 a friend of mine asked me a question about something she thought was not right which she figured I would know about. As I began to answer her, it led me to answers I had never considered before and ended up thrusting my family into a year of "transition" and really changing the future of my family tree. What did she ask me?

"What do you think about spanking?"

My friend had three small children who were entering toddlerhood and so she thought for sure that I was the one to ask. In January 2008 my oldest was 21, and my youngest of 8 children was yet to be born. With all that experience for sure I'd know the right answer.

And, I thought I did. I was confident I did!

I grew up in a family of two kids and although I was very angry, and depressed, and somewhat suicidal...I was well behaved. I knew that if I did something naughty I was getting "a lickin''" as it was called in our house. The wooden paddle hung on the wall and just passing it by made me afraid. I didn't get too many lickin's. I was a smart kid. Fast learner. I learned how to get away with things without getting caught and how to mind my own business at home.

I had my 1st baby at age 18 after a very depressed and love-seeking teenagehood (I just made that word up). I had held a baby maybe once that I could remember, and the day I brought home my baby thoughts of how to "raise" her hadn’t really entered my mind.

Once she was old enough to do irritating things I simply did to her what had been done with me and smacked her. I smacked her hands. I smacked her butt. And, then, once she got a will of her own, when she made me mad enough, I "spanked" her.

Her father had had a similar childhood experience with spanking and so it was nothing we ever thought to question or discuss. It's just "what you do with kids". It's how it was in our families and in all the families around us. If a kid is "acting up" anyone around you will say that that kid needs "takin' over a knee!" It's just how it's done.

After 8 years of a relationship that would have made a Reality TV producer drool…my boyfriend became my husband and by 1995 we had 3 children. And, we also had a new motivation in life: Jesus. We became Christians. The results in our life were very good because we began to respect one another and treat each other with more patience and kindness. Church life really did us good.

So, along comes a Sunday School class about child training in the same place where we were learning how to love and respect one another. The same place where we were learning that God is love and that He is not behind all the bad and painful stuff in the world. The same place we're learning that God is a God who forgives. This should be the best place to learn about how to care for the world's most precious and innocent beings: our own children! Right?

In class we were taught the, “who, what, when, where, and why,” of spanking. We were taught that it was ordained by God as evidenced by a handful of Old Testament verses speaking of "the rod", and that if we didn't do it the Bible said we hated our children. We were taught that if we didn't to it our children could end up in rebellion and ultimately in hell.

The people teaching the class were actually our best friends at the time...who had entered our lives and had really brought out the best in us. They weren't freaks or religious nuts. They were just teaching us to do the same thing that they did in their own homes with their own children out of the sincerity of their hearts to do what they felt was right, even though they felt it was hard to do. What was there to question?

In the classes we were taught that whenever the child did anything "naughty" we were to determine whether the child was behaving “irresponsibly” or “rebelliously” before deciding punishment. Everything was analyzed in this way.

But, then on February 5th, 1998, 12 ½ yrs after we’d met and 7 months after the birth of our 4th child…my husband was given an early retirement. I got the call around 10 that morning to come to the local trauma center because my husband was there. On his way to work a tractor-trailer jackknifed and struck his work truck. He had died instantly. I was now a widow with 4 children.

About 6 months after my husband…aka my kids' Daddy…just didn't come home…my 2 year old son started to "act up".
Suddenly he couldn't walk up the stairs anymore. His "socks would slip" on the steps and he'd dramatically flop and flop on the steps and need me to "help him". Then, one night he was told to go brush his teeth. I could hear him in the bathroom, "Flop! Flop! Flop!" I went in and peeked at him and he was (I don't know how he did this physically!) lifting his feet up and just landing on his cloth-diapered butt repeatedly. "Flop! Flop! Flop!"

I put on my "stern mom face" and told him to stop it and brush his teeth. I went back out of the room. And, I could hear him in there doing it again, "Flop! Flop!"

The teaching I'd learned about rebellion vs. childish irresponsibility came into my mind and I knew what I had to do. This was clearly a rebellion issue. So…I put on my "stern mom face" again, marched into the bathroom, and told him to get his tiny 2-yr old hiney into the office (where all the spankings happened).

I looked at his tiny little face and asked him, "Why were you doing that? I told you to brush your teeth!"

He looked at me with his big brown eyes and said, "My socks were slipping."


I had to turn my face and stifle a giggle. His socks were slipping?! I composed myself to deal with the serious issue at hand. My 2-year old was rebelling against my command to brush his teeth and to stop flopping on the floor and now he'd just lied! No matter how cute he was I had to do what I had to do!

And, so…he was paddled.

Eventually, I got his flopping, and sock slipping behaviors to stop. I had squelched that rebellion before it got ugly and he took over the household. I had done my job.

You know, I tell that story now and it makes me wanna scream and cry.
In 1999 I ended up at a new church and made lots of new friends. And, all these friends too were quite normal average Christian people. And, they all spanked more than I did and also pinched their kids when in public (because you could do it subtly and quietly). I learned from my friends to keep an "extra" paddle (wooden spoon or spatula) in the car for when we were not home. And, sometimes when I was out with my friends, I had to wait outside their cars while their toddler got a spanking for not listening in the store we were shopping in.

For two and a half years "disciplining" was my lone responsibility because my husband was gone. In late 2000 I married a good and decent man who was raised on the mission field and served as the emergency medical pilot for his parents' medical clinic in the jungle in Guatemala. He'd been raised by an ex-Amish father. He never disobeyed his parents! He told me that in church just "a look" from his parents told him he'd crossed the line and there was no mercy; when he got home he always got a spanking. He often commented that we were too lenient with the kids because when he was little he was not even allowed to argue with his mom or even say that he didn't like a meal that was served or he'd get "the belt". But, because he loved his parents who were truly awesome people and felt they loved him, why would he have questioned spanking?

So, in 2008 when my friend asked me about "spanking" I went right to it. I tried to look up the Sunday School materials I'd gone through so many years ago. I did searches on the internet as I prepared to tell her who, what, when, where, and why to spank as I had been taught it.

That is when it happened.



I happened upon a website that shattered the illusion I'd been living in for over 20 years. It was a simple website talking about ancient shepherding practices and it explained that the "rod" that the ancient shepherds had used was actually…a weapon. It was a club with spikes on the end used for killing predators. It was the equivalent of a modern gun. The rod…was not…for…the…sheep! That is why David could say that God’s rod and staff comforted him…not scared him…

If you coulda' heard the brakes screeching inside my head…I was horrified. How could this HUGE HUGE important detail have slipped our notice? "The Rod" of the ancient shepherds was what all the teaching I'd received on spanking was based on! But, it wasn't a wooden spoon or a spatula used for whacking wayward sheep! NO! The rod was a "gun" used to protect the sheep...and I had been using that on my children?




I sat back in my chair and my whole head was spinning. I ran to my husband and told him. Now what?


I started to become aware of the biggest problem with spanking that first year that we stopped. That first year was not fun. It left me sitting holding my head with screaming kids in the background often. I realized once that "parenting tool" was taken from me that I had no idea how to handle any stress between my children without being able to either hit them (spank them) or threaten them with doing it. It hadn't been a tool to "guide" them and "discipline" them and lead their hearts toward God. In reality, it had been a weapon to control my kids' behavior and nothing more.


So, there I was at age 39 with seven children of all ages and a newborn completely at a loss how to relate to my children. I had to learn a whole new way of thinking about my children and their behavior. And, this new way of seeing the children was as dramatic as Dorothy coming out of the plain black and white farmhouse into the full Technicolor of Oz. Now, instead of looking at all of the children's behaviors and analyzing it to look for hidden rebellion to punish I saw behavior as attempts at communication. I began to realize that their behavior’s cause was what I needed to look at. What are they trying to say? What is their motivation? What is bugging them? What’s wrong? And, fixing what is wrong is what will make the behavior go away. Making the behavior go away leaves what’s wrong still wrong.

Spanking was taught to me as a way to make sure the child's heart was right with God, yet when I spanked them, I never addressed their motivations and touched their hearts, I only addressed behavior and touched their behinds…with pain.

I look back now and it is as clear as day. My little boy…had lost his Daddy. Daddy used to lie in his bedroom every night and sing to him as he fell asleep while I read with the other 3 in the oldest child's bedroom. Nighttime was an awesome fun precious time. And, his Daddy disappeared. His Daddy was just gone and Mommy was acting funny and often distracted and unavailable and he didn't understand why. Why didn’t I think about it then? Why didn’t I ask him then? Why wasn’t it the first thing I thought of when his socks were slipping? Why didn’t I see it from his perspective when he “couldn’t walk up the stairs” and wanted me to help him? Why…did I not consider the troubled thoughts that could be in that sweet tiny person’s mind as he toddled toward the office to get whacked by Mommy? What was in his tiny little heart that night and what did I do to him when I punished him for trying to express it?

It makes me sick to think of it and I can’t tell ya how many times I look at him now and feel sorry for having done it. I’ve asked his forgiveness and he’s given it to me, but, the damage was done. (reformatting this to post it here makes tears come to my eyes.) :(

Do you know…that little boy is now 16 and…given a little stress he clams up and withdraws. Sometimes I can see that he is upset and I can see that he pushes it away and just moves on and tries to ignore it. And, I’ve often thought over the years that he has “sad eyes”.

<sigh>

Now that the world is in full color I could tell you story after story of why this is wrong. Stories from within my own family which when I think of them I post them on my blog. I at times feel like a fanatic about this subject, but, this practice is so damaging to people and I can now see its effects on not just my own kids, but, on others. This is such an unpopular topic because everyone is doing it or has had it done to them and feels the need to either defend themselves or their parents because admitting a mistake like this is a difficult thing to do. But, I wish I could stand on top of a building and shout it out to everyone.

The petition that has been started to get Amazon to stop selling books that promote violence against children, in my opinion, is a great step toward getting this practice stopped. It is not just the act of getting those books removed from easy sale; it is the “why”. It is the fact that everyone who looks for those books will have to ask “why” are they not available on Amazon, and then, they will be made aware that spanking is not the universal only and best way to raise kids. Their searches on this topic will lead them to blog sites like this one, and they will see that there is a problem with spanking and it may open that door into the Technicolor world of parenting for many.

For me all it took was one friend to challenge me on it and for one piece of truth to be shown to me. What I wouldn't give to go back in time and find just one friend who would have stood up and told me it was wrong. Thanks to Facebook and the world-wide-web now, we can be that friend to people we've never even met before. I encourage all of you to share and repost things you find about this subject whenever it comes along your path.

Sign and post the petition on your own walls and blogs. You never know what friend-of-a-friend is going to see your post and realize that there is another way to raise kids…before they march their tiny son into the office to punish him for missing his dead Daddy…



(4 months before Daddy died)



Thursday, September 19, 2013

I'm not the superhero Jesus is...but I'm working on it!!!


This morning I came blithely out to the kitchen armed with an old toothbrush with the goal of scrubbing something and saw my 5 year old looking at me oddly from across the counter. I started to be kinda' silly with her when I realized the reason for her look as I stepped into a huge pile of sugar... 

I then saw that she had milk, vanilla, and the sugar container all setting by a cup on the counter and knew that she had been about to ask me to mix her her favorite drink (inspired by drinks we used to get in Guatemala). Obviously, she'd had an accident with the sugar container. And, equally obviously, she had fear in my reaction. 

That disturbed me.

Suddenly, I thought of it...

The angel told Mary that Jesus was coming to earth thru her and that "He will save His people from their sins."

The angel didn't say Daddy was coming down from heaven, "to teach us a lesson!!!" Or, to, "give us a good butt-whoopin!!" But, to save us from our mistakes, crap attitudes, disobedience, bad decisions, and outright stupidity (aka sins).

He's the universe's greatest hero!



How do people generally react to the arrival of a hero on the scene of a problem? People in movies see the bad guy (problem) wreaking havoc and destruction and they call out and wish for the arrival of the hero, feel joy when they see the hero approaching, and feel relief when they know the hero has seen the problem. They feel free from anxiety and fear because the hero has arrived and they have confidence that the hero will save them from the problem!



Jesus is my example how to live...and how to parent. 



When my daughter had the sugar accident that's when her face should have been downcast. Because of the mess. Because of needing help cleaning it up. NOT because of fearing my arrival. She should NOT have feared me coming into the room or my reaction. She should have felt no dread in my approach but only relief! She should have looked eagerly and anxiously for me and felt great relief as soon as I saw the problem knowing that I was about to save her from her mess. If I was following Jesus' example how to live and how to parent that's how she would have felt.



Super heroes...always save and protect...and all their "violent" energy is focused on the problem...not the person needing saved.



These eyes of a superhero in battle...are reserved for the enemy...

Most parents have that look...toward their child...



So sdrawkcab!!

So, back to my 5 year old and the spilled sugar...I have never laid a hand on her. Never spanked her. But, like the 2nd language I speak (Spanish) I still speak my parenting language "with a spanking accent." Something in me is still "punitive" and still strives to find fault and blame and somehow make the child "pay" even if it's just having to endure the wrathful eyes of angry mom. :( 

I still have work to do...but all along the way...as long as I am "looking to the sky looking for the Hero to fly in and save ME from MY SINS"...I will keep becoming aware of these problems I still have and can have confidence that, "If I confess my sins He's faithful and just to forgive me and cleanse me."

He'll do the same for you...



Just imagine a whole world full of Super Parents...dedicated to using the Biblical rod the same way the ancient shepherds did...to protect the sheep from predators...

What a world that would be!!!



Monday, September 9, 2013

Weeds in your child's flower garden

I was weeding yesterday and it struck me that the way you remove weeds is evidence in the Creation that spanking kids isn't God's way...

(I know...what ELSE would I be thinking about, right!?) :)



Anyone who has ever planted flowers knows that if you're trying to grow a nice garden of flowers you can expect that weeds will come. Why, though? Is it because there is something wrong with the flowers? Something wrong with the soil? Is there something about them that causes weeds to appear? No. We all know that it has nothing to do with the flowers but that it's the tenaciousness of weeds and the nature of the world that makes it so that if there is dirt...there will be weeds. 

The presence of weeds indicates nothing "wrong" with the flowers...only testifies to the "power" of the weeds and the things that help weeds spread...




With our children, obviously we are trying to grow a "beautiful garden" in their character. And, the fact that "weeds" pop up is likewise not some confirmation that there is something "wrong" with the children...as in that they were born with sin in them. 

The presence of "weeds" in humans says something not of the nature of humans...but of the nature of sin. (so powerful are these "weeds" that humans attract that the biggest strongest warrior in the Universe had to come and battle them because humans couldn't do it themselves!)

So, when a child enters this world and you begin planting a garden (good morals, manners, and habits) in them you can expect that weeds will come. And, those weeds (bad behavior) will show up and start to grow for the same reasons they do in nature. Seeds are carried and distributed by living creatures, by the wind, and by creeping roots.




And, see...even the most well-intentioned parent is going to "carry weed seeds" and drop them in their child's "garden." Then, there are neighbors. Friends at daycare and Sunday School. TV. Weed seeds are everywhere and if your child's "soil" is such that flowers are able to grow, then so can weeds. And, again, it is not because something is wrong with the child or the child's soil that these weeds appear...it is because of the nature of the weeds and soil that makes it possible for weeds to appear and begin to grow.


Weeds (bad behavior and attitudes) ruin the appearance of our lovely gardens (children). And, not only that but they can choke the flowers (take over and turn your child into a delinquent!) and need to be removed. This is why we discipline our children.



ROMANS 1:18-20

For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men who suppress the truth in unrighteousness, because that which is known about God is evident within them; for God made it evident to them.

For since the creation of the world His invisible attributes, His eternal power and divine nature,have been clearly seen, being understood through what has been made, so that they are without excuse!


So, how do we remove weeds from a literal flower garden? Remember that the design of Creation is no accident. Because of the unreliability of storytelling (Paul Bunyan tales, Whisper Down the Lane), and even the outright attempts to mis-interpret scripture, God has left evidence in the Creation that cannot be altered...because the truth matters and He loves us enough to make sure there's a way to know it that can't be corrupted. These truths are part of the natural and unchanging way that the physical universe works and it's there to teach us things we actually already know...because the truth is on our hearts because God put it there...

When approaching a weedy garden, your goal is.. to remove the weeds without harming the flowers and hopefully in such a way as to prevent the weeds from returning.


ATTACKING THE FLOWERS




Say you approached "weeding" by whacking the flowers? You would do nothing to get rid of the weeds, would you? Attacking the flowers would only make the weeds stronger, and the flowers weaker and less beautiful. 


Attacking the weeds with too much zeal and force also will attack the flowers...as sometimes the roots are intertwined it will pull the flowers out, too. And, you can end up grabbing the flowers by mistake and uprooting them or tearing the plants.


Punishing children involves inflicting some sort of pain on them. The whole reason our body perceives pain is to alert it that something is harming/hurting/damaging it. Purposefully causing some sort of pain to the child is like harming/hurting/damaging the flowers, which obviously, would not do the flowers any good nor protect them from weeds.


Likewise, purposefully inflicting pain on our children (flowers) will not have any negative effect on "weed" growth. On the contrary, it can actually enhance "weed growth" in their gardens...


Ephesians 6:4
Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.


It's really hard to have pain inflicted on you purposefully without feeling anger...and as modern science has revealed to us: anger destroys us. It's why God warned us not to do it... 



PULLING OUT THE LEAVES




If you approached "weeding" by simply pulling out what's visible...you would not actually be removing the weeds...just the visual evidence that they are there.


Dollar weeds, for example, are growing all over my flower gardens and in my yard. If I just reach in and grab at them and yank the leaves, they come off...not out. If I yanked off all the leaves, when I would be done, I could leave the garden appearing "weed free." My friends and neighbors might even look and say, "Well, what a beautiful weed-free garden you have!" But, underneath, the actual weed would be completely unaffected and would continue to grow and flourish and choke the roots of the flowers.


When the weeds of bad behavior appear in your child's garden, you can approach it by spanking the child. This will get you immediate results. You will look at your child's "garden" and you will no longer see them back-talking, biting, hitting other kids, or doing whatever outward behavior that was "weeding up their garden". Just like my garden where I tore out the leaves of the dollar weeds, many people will look at your child and say, "What a well-behaved child you have!" But, just like the real garden, all you did was remove the visual evidence of the weeds...and those roots are still growing...and quietly choking out the garden (your child).


IMPORTANCE OF THE VISUAL EVIDENCE

What if...a weed...once the leaves were removed...never re-grew leaves but would continue to grow and choke out the flowers? This would be a grave concern to serious gardeners because if you can't see an "enemy" you can't fight it! This...is what parents who spank are doing...and normally with all the weed's leaves torn away (the child's spirit broken into submission) it takes until the child is in their teens until the evidence of that weedy root system growing and choking the flowers' roots reappears.


(Sadly, even then, parents dismiss this as "typical teenage rebellion" and believe these teenage "weeds" to be newly grown. Our culture is so far far removed from the truth about children that most parents have no clue that they are their own garden's worst enemy!)


PROPER WEEDING


The only way to actually remove a weed from your garden is to gently pull on it. 



Matthew 11:29
Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.

When I first moved to Florida and first found these particular weeds in my garden I was unfamiliar with them and did actually just pull out the leaves, until one day when I did it gently and I realized that they were all connected! Then, I learned that by gently pulling on these dollar weeds and pulling away some of the surrounding dirt, this long intricate path that these roots take is revealed and all comes out! After this revelation, to pull too harshly on a leaf and get...just the leaf in my hand...was very frustrating! And, then, because I'd yanked too hard, I'd have to get my fingers dirty and dig to get at the roots. 

As a former spanker, I can tell you that I have had this same revelation in my parenting. I once did address just the visual evidence of "weeds" in my children's gardens...and I spanked them away. Then, when I realized that there were these intricate paths of interconnected roots that I could reveal if I just "pulled gently"...it changed everything. And, now, the times that I am "too harsh" and see a "weed" and just barge in and yank it out...I realize with frustration what I've just done and then...I "have to get my hands dirty" and dig. 


Sometimes, when weeding, as you tug you realize that the root path goes right through one of your flower's roots and you must jiggle it and move it around gently to remove it from the flower. All of this means something to us as parents and these lessons were left in the Creation for us by God so that we would learn and no one would deceive us... 







ROMANS 1:18-20
For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men who suppress the truth in unrighteousness, because that which is known about God is evident within them; for God made it evident to them.

For since the creation of the world His invisible attributes, His eternal power and divine nature,have been clearly seen, being understood through what has been made, so that they are without excuse!



PERSISTENCE


Any gardener knows, too, that you don't just weed your flower garden once and done. Jesus came to save us not from hell...but from sin, and sin isn't going away anytime soon. Paul referred to salvation as a process saying he was saved, is being saved and will be saved from sin. The Gardener is always there "saving us" from our sins and will continue to do so weeding our gardens every day if we let Him.


There are seeds and roots of it everywhere in our world. As long as there are gardens, sin will be crouched at our doors ready to consume us, right? Weeds will keep coming and a loving gardener will keep them in check.

God left us this evidence in Creation because it's there, in plain sight, for all to see. To choose to believe teachers like Michael Pearl, Gary Ezzo, Ted Tripp and James Dobson and others like them...is to evoke the wrath of God because...



ROMANS 1:18-20
...the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men who suppress the truth in unrighteousness, because that which is known about God is evident within them; for God made it evident to them.

For since the creation of the world His invisible attributes, His eternal power and divine nature,have been clearly seen, being understood through what has been made, so that they are without excuse!







All of the following verses apply to all of us with all others...which means they apply to you and your relationship with your children also...

(If you read these verses below and find yourself saying, "Yeah, but..." then you really need to re-read that Romans 1 quote again...and again...and again...and then re-read these verses again...and again...and again...until you lose those buts...)

James 3:17
But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, reasonable, full of mercy and good fruits, unwavering, without hypocrisy.

James 3:13
Who among you is wise and understanding? Let him show by his good behavior his deeds in the gentleness of wisdom.


Matthew 5:5
“Blessed are the gentle, for they shall inherit the earth."

1 Peter 3:15
...sanctify Christ as Lord in your hearts, always being ready to make a defense to everyone who asks you to give an account for the hope that is in you, yet with gentleness and reverence...

Titus 3:2

...malign no one, to be peaceable, gentle, showing every consideration for all men.

2 Timothy 2:25

...with gentleness correcting those who are in opposition, if perhaps God may grant them repentance leading to the knowledge of the truth

1 Timothy 6:11
But flee from these things, you man of God, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, perseverance and gentleness.

1 Peter 3:3-5

Your adornment must not be merely external—braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God. For in this way in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands;

2 Corinthians 10:1
Now I, Paul, myself urge you by the meekness and gentleness of Christ...

Galatians 5:23But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.

Galatians 6:1

Brethren, even if anyone is caught in any trespass, you who are spiritual, restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness; each one looking to yourself, so that you too will not be tempted.

Ephesians 4:2
...walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which you have been called with all humility and gentleness, with patience, showing tolerance for one another in love, being diligent to preserve the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.

Philippians 4:5
Let your gentle spirit be known to all men. The Lord is near.



Thursday, September 5, 2013

Boys and girls are different.

I was just thinking about something...that I feel very alone in. And, I don't think it's because I'm weird...in a bad way...

Let's say...you wanted to know what the Twin Towers looked like? So, you went to where they are. 


You'd see...







Well, that gives you no idea what they looked like because the original structures are...gone.

So, how about we rewind a few years back...does this give us a better picture of what the Twin Towers looked like?





No. We see what they look like when destroyed but...not what they were designed to look like...

To know what they looked like you'd have to see a picture of what they looked like when they looked how they were supposed to. When they still existed.




I feel like...I see a lot of posts by Christians about "men and women" on Facebook...I see a lot of people's opinions...forming word "pictures" of what on what "men and women" and "Biblical marriage" is supposed to look like and I feel like...it's all based on "Ground Zero." 


I feel like all the "wise" posts about "men and women" are based on only what's been left of what we were designed to be like...and...that most people who consider themselves wise believe that their views are wise...of men and women that they have which are based at looking at this destruction...and they're just...so off...


They look at the world in 2013...and form their opinion of what "gender" is...from this mess we live in... 


I'm reading a book right now...





...it's about brain development from conception to age 5. And, all thru development...there are just differences upon differences in everything between males and females.

It's not just our genitals.


We don't influence our kids' gender behaviors with stereotypes by dressing them in pink, or blue...or by handing them trucks or dolls...they simply ARE different...


Someday I'll have something intelligent to say about it...




Wednesday, September 4, 2013

Do you parent like an animal or like God?

Something worth noting about words...

If you can't read or write it is a real problem, yes? To we humans, to be without words is a real handicap. Right?

It's one of the big things that separates us from the animals. We communicate with highly complex thoughts and animals...well, yes, they communicate, too, but they can't speak. They can't hold a conversation. And, mostly, they can't reason...

2 Peter 2:12
But these, like unreasoning animals, born as creatures of instinct to be captured and killed, reviling where they have no knowledge, will in the destruction of those creatures also be destroyed...

Jude 1:10
But these men revile the things which they do not understand; and the things which they know by instinct, like unreasoning animals, by these things they are destroyed.

One way to "worship" God is to imitate Him. 

Ephesians 5:1
Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children... 

And, He...is the living Word. So, for us to reason and use our words...brings God honor as we reflect His image that we're created in...

Isaiah 1:18
“Come now, and let us reason together,” Says the Lord...

So, when a parent EVER has to resort to spanking/hitting...because they have just run out of things to say and they're convinced they just can't reason with their child...they have actually become like an animal...resorting to actions and force and abandoning their use of that which makes them most like God...

You can "bite their heads off"...
You can "chew their butts out"...
You can spank...
OR...
You can reason like God...


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