Tuesday, August 27, 2013

On Becoming Friendship-wise...

I was thinking about friendship again...



If I had a neighbor and she pointed out to me that, "I am your neighbor FIRST and your friend SECOND!" I'd be put in my place. I'd immediately realize my boundaries with that person and act accordingly. I might ask her for a cup of sugar now n' then, but I sure would not reach out to her if I had any real needs. And, I wouldn't consider her someone to spend any of my "quality" time with. 

No.


What do we have "friends" for? Really? Like, what are our friends to us?





We have a lot of acquaintances but our friends...are the people we seek out when we're happy...or sad...or excited...or afraid...or...anything! They're the people we seek out...period!

Friends are the people we reveal our true heart's to. 
Friends are the people we are ourselves with.
Friends are the people we hide nothing from.
Friends are the people we tell all our secrets to.
Friends are the people we tell all our hopes and dreams to.
Friends are the only people we trust with what really matters to us.
Friends are the only people we really...let "in"

When I was in 8th grade or so...I remember being in the car w/my own mom...and I do not remember what I said that inspired this comment but I remember my mother saying, "I am not your friend! I am your mother!"


So, see. She put me in my place. She set my boundaries with her. And, that moment impacted me because this happened in 1983 (I was like 14) and I remember! I remember what road we were on and where we were. I remember like it's burnt into my mind...a photo of that moment. That moment...did something to me...


My mom basically told me...

Don't reveal your true heart to me.
Don't be yourself with me.
Don't tell me your secrets. Keep them from me.
Don't tell me your hopes and dream.
Don't trust me with what really matters.
Don't let me "in" to your heart.

And, I didn't.


And, I was depressed. I felt unloved. I was suicidal. I was a very clingy needy friend with my "friends" in school. I did drugs. I drank. I was "lookin' for love in all the wrong places..." And, I was desperate for a long-term boyfriend and when I found one...I was quickly pregnant.


That was my life as the kid. 
Now, I'm the mom.


When I think about my own children...and picture my life with them...I see me...seeing a pregnancy test and feeling excited. I see me feeling my body grow. I see me feeling the baby kick. I see me giving birth and receiving that wonderful little being. I see me nursing that baby and just falling in love with that baby. I see me seeing that tiny person experiencing the world around them. Seeing their eyes as they see something new and exciting. I see me...caring for them. Feeding them. Wiping their bottoms. Fixing their boo boos. I see me worrying about them and spending all my time and money on them...having hopes and dreams for them...

And, I remember all the mistakes I made with them because of how I was raised...and how long it's taken me to learn and grow...


And, I see the damage some things have done...and I struggle do correct it...


And, then...I see stuff like this on facebook...




...and honestly...I wanna shake someone and say, "What the H377 are you thinking?!"


There is no greater goal in parenting than to be the person your children trust with their true hearts! 


No greater goal than for your children to feel free to "be themselves" with you!


No greater accomplishment than to have kids who hide nothing from you!


No greater joy than to hear your children's secrets...their hopes...their dreams! 


No greater honor than for your children to trust you with what really matters and to let you in to their hearts.


Ugh.


Parents. 


I've never before had the urge to "cuss" while typing on my blog before and here I've had that urge twice now...wow...but when I think about this it just makes me wanna ask, "WTF" are you thinking?! Nothing...nothing could matter more than your children's hearts! 



>>>If you don't have their hearts...someone who didn't love them since the moment all they were was a line on a pregnancy test...someone who would not die for them...will have their hearts!!<<< 

Someone else will be their best friend...if you aren't! 


What...what the #&@* are you thinking?


You be their friend first...


And, let everyone ELSE in their life be 2nd "whatever"!!!!


This...this...is how that meme should read...

(I made this and posted it about a year ago, also)






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