I was watching some show on ID the other night that featured a little girl who'd been abducted, raped, tortured, and killed...and what happened to this little girl just makes me mad...
She was 9...and was riding her bike home from school or something...
A 16-yr old guy saw her passing by on the sidewalk in his neighborhood...and he just happened to be in his yard using the garden hose...and so he just hosed her down. He was not waiting there to stalk her or anything it just happened to work out this way...and he took advantage of it.
So, she's just been hosed down by this guy and so...she stopped. She was very upset. Why? Because this very disturbed individual had entered her life and had now targeted her for harm? No! She was upset...because she was afraid to go home with her clothes all wet! She was afraid not of the predator who intended to harm her but of her parents!!!!!
Why would a little girl be afraid of her parents?
Would she be afraid of parents who had established a history of being a source of safety and comfort to her? No!
Would she be afraid of parents who had established a history of causing her pain when she displeased them? YES!
She realized that her parents would be displeased by her wet clothes and this made her afraid of her parents. Even though the wet clothes were not her fault she did not have the trust and confidence in her parents to go home and so instead...she sought refuge in a predator!!!
This is so messed-up it hurts me thinking about it!
This was the way the guy got the little girl into his house...and out of her clothing...by doing something to her that made her afraid of her parents!!
Do you realize how insanely messed-up this is? This little 9-year old girl was more afraid of her parents finding out she'd gotten her clothes wet...than of going inside a stranger's house and getting naked!!!!!
What kind of world is this?!
Once she was out of her clothes, he duct-taped her and kept her under his bed (while he went to school and lived his life in general) for 2 days!?!?! And...when he was not busy being a normal 16-year old...he was busy doing awful things to her until she finally just died.
Shouldn't even just ONE situation like this be all the evidence we need that punitive parenting... spanking... punishing... doing anything that makes a child afraid of the parent...is WRONG?!
Sunday Schools and churches all over the US teach that this is the right way to parent!!! God's way!!!???
Are your children afraid of you when something about them is displeasing to you? The only way that that could possibly not be a danger to your child would be if you were the most dangerous thing in the world...otherwise...you'd better change something because what if something more dangerous than you comes after your child but is less scary to them than you are? Then what?
The only thing that your children should fear about you is being apart from you...