Wednesday, July 25, 2012

MY promise to my children

This picture-post came across my news feed on Facebook today...and it irks me extremely! So much so I can't even comment because I don't want to make the post-er feel bad because I know that it is meant to be positive but I just don't see it as a well-thought out thing...If you really think about each thing you'll see what I mean... 

Check it out...it reminds me of Ezzo's advice in "Babywise"...



SO so so many things are wrong with this!!!!!

Let's look at it bit by bit!!!

"I am your parent 1st ~ your friend 2nd"
A parent is a biological fact. You make offspring and you are a parent. Parents come in all shapes, sizes...and attitudes. Some parents are loving and kind, some don't give a hoot, and some are downright abusive and unsafe.

A friend...is a choice. A friend...is a purpose. It's a relationship. And, a friend...loves at all times. A friend...doesn't allow you to do things that are bad for you. A friend is someone you want to be around...someone you trust and run to when you're sad, upset, confused or afraid. A friend doesn't let you go out in a dress that makes ya look fat. :) A friend doesn't sit back and watch you make choices that are bad for you. A true friend is something we all yearn for...and who...do you want your child to find friendship in? Who do you want your child to trust to always tell them the truth and never stand back and watch them hurt themselves or others? I want that to be me. 

"I will stalk you"
Um...who likes stalkers? And, someone who "stalks" you doesn't have a relationship with you...they intrude on you and invade your privacy as they look at you and watch you "from afar". How would you be so far from your children, ever, that you would even be able to stalk them? Only if you've driven them away? I don't want to ever have to stalk my children. 

"I will flip out on you"
Who likes to be flipped out on? I don't like being flipped out on! And, when you flip out on someone...don't you usually have to go back and apologize for it? Isn't "flipping out on"  when you lose control and cut loose and say rude, harsh, or disrespectful things to someone in a burst of emotion!? Generally, "Flipping out on" behavior is not mature or beneficial to any relationship, is it? Certainly not behavior you'd want your children to learn and do back to you. I don't want to be flipped out on or ever flip out on my kids.

"lecture you"
I don't like being lectured! A lecture is when you talk AT someone. It's not a mutual conversation where both parties talk to each other it's where one person talks AT another. Again...just like stalking and flipping out on...they are all things that are not part of or indicative of a healthy relationship. It's not behavior I'd want to model to my kids because I don't want them to end up lecturing others in life.

"drive you insane"
OK, we all do that to someone sometimes, I guess...but why do we drive people insane? "Driving someone insane" is where you do things they dislike to the point they feel they can't take it another minute. Why would you want to do this to your child? Again...if you think driving your kids "insane" with your stalking, flipping out, and lectures you aren't really talking about having a healthy respectful relationship with your child OR modeling good healthy behavior that your child should use in the world with you or anyone else. 

"be your worst nightmare"
This one really gets me. Worst nightmare. You know, our kids will have nightmares in life and I sure hope I'm never the cause of any. A nightmare is something that scares you and is something you want to get away from. I would hope I'd never be the source of fear for my child or that my child would desire to get away from me.

"hunt you down like a bloodhound when needed"
Bloodhounds are used for hunting things that are hiding from you because they are afraid of you. How sad that your child would ever need to be "hunted down". You don't run and hide from things you trust. You hide from things you fear...like maybe...your worst nightmares. You hide from things that drive you insane...stalk...and flip out on you. Again...just like stalking, flipping on, lecturing, driving insane, and being your worst nightmare...this is another thing that is not part of a healthy respectful relationship. 

"Because I LOVE YOU"
Ohhh kay. I will observe you from a distance, flip out on you, talk at you, become a terror to you...all because I love you. So, someday if your daughter was living with a guy who had first courted her by stalking her, and had a habit of flipping out on her, talking at her harshly, scaring her and making her want to hide from him...you would respond to her by assuring her of this man's LOVE? Of course you wouldn't! So, why are you teaching your child that this is LOVE?

"When you understand that I will know you are a responsible adult."
This is just too sad. To believe that people who stalk me, flip on me, talk at me and scare me LOVE ME doesn't make me "responsible". I know people right now...who are married and living miserably ever after with people who have this level of respect for them and they stay with them. "Understanding" that this type of treatment is loving makes you a sad adult not a responsible one.

"You will never find someone who loves, prays, cares and worries about you more than I do."
Again...by this posts definition of LOVE I would hope that no one would stalk them, flip out on them, lecture them, and scare them MORE than this. Prayer and worry are obviously going to be needed for a child who has been raised to believe that those who love them are distant but invasive (stalking), flip out on them, talk at them and scare them because if this has been the model for "love" for the child...the child will approach all relationships this way. They will be a stalker, flipper outer, lecturer, scarer, and will seek out people who are the same.

"If you don't hate me once in your life - I am not doing my job properly."
I guess if you believe that all these aspects of unhealthy relationship are part of your "job" as "parent" then your child will hate you at least once in their life...But, this makes no sense! If all of these things are supposed to be out of LOVE...they would not lead to HATE! 

"Re-post if you are a parent and agree"
Please. Why do people always add this to the end of their posts?!

Fathers do not provoke your children to anger, but instead bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
Ephesians 6:4

For Christian parents...I have to ask...do you believe that God is your Father, sure, but certainly not your friend! Do you believe that because God was Abraham's friend that that meant He let Abraham run amuck and He engaged in shenanigans with Abraham...that THAT is what "friendship" is? Do you believe God "stalks" you and isn't really in your life but watches you from afar? Does God "flip out on you"? Does God sit you down and point His finger at you and talk at you and "lecture you"? Does God treat you in such a way that you feel like you just can't TAKE HIM ANYMORE! Does God terrify you and make you awaken in a cold sweat? Does God make you want to run and hide from Him? Is that what God wants you to understand once you're mature enough that THAT is what He's like and what LOVE looks like? 

Remember that your REAL "job" with your kids is to show them God...to show them what He is like...so if you get your kids to the point where they hate you and believe that treatment that leads them to hate you is LOVE...you have not done your "job" right.

And, even for non-Christian parents...is this how you want your children to look for their mates in life? For mates who will treat them as outlined above?

I believe this picture-post should be re-written and look like this:



For more (but a short post) on the difference between being a "Parent" or a "Friend": Parent vs Friend





To be able to say that "I am a friend of God"...is the highest honor and safest place in the world. God is my friend...and my example how to be a parent...and therefore...I hope to be the best friend 2nd only to God...that my kids ever have...






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