If you aren't your child's friend...what ARE you?

So often I see people on Facebook "proud" to declare that they are their child's "parent" and NOT their "friend."

But...

"A friend is one who knows you and loves you just the same." ― Elbert Hubbard

"One of the most beautiful qualities of true friendship is to understand and to be understood." ― Lucius Annaeus Seneca

"A true friend never gets in your way unless you happen to be going down." ― Arnold H. Glasow

"The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing... not healing, not curing...that is a friend who cares." ― Henri Nouwen

"Love is the only force capable of transforming an enemy into friend." ― Martin Luther King, Jr.

"Friends and good manners will carry you where money won't go." ― Margaret Walker

"It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them". ― Ralph Waldo Emerson

"A true friend freely, advises justly, assists readily, adventures boldly, takes all patiently, defends courageously, and continues a friend unchangeably." ― William Penn

"A friend is someone who gives you total freedom to be yourself." ― Jim Morrison

"Friendship... is not something you learn in school. But if you haven't learned the meaning of friendship, you really haven't learned anything."  ― Muhammad Ali

“An acquaintance merely enjoys your company, a fair-weather companion flatters when all is well, a true friend has your best interests at heart and the pluck to tell you what you need to hear.” ― E.A. Bucchianeri, Brushstrokes of a Gadfly

“Friendship is the only cure for hatred, the only guarantee of peace.” ― Gautama Buddha

“It's the friends you can call up at 4 a.m. that matter.” ― Marlene Dietrich

“We are all travelers in the wilderness of this world, and the best we can find in our travels is an honest friend.”  ― Robert Louis Stevenson

"Friendship is the only cement that will ever hold the world together." – Woodrow T. Wilson

Proverbs 17:17 

"A friend loves at all times"

John 15:13
Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends. You are My friends if you do what I command you.

Luke 7:34
The Son of Man has come eating and drinking, and you say, ‘Behold, a gluttonous man and a drunkard, a friend of tax collectors and sinners!’

Luke 12:4 
“I say to you, My friends, do not be afraid of those who kill the body and after that have no more that they can do.

So, if these are all the things a friend is...and if you think that being a parent means you aren't all those things to your child...then...what ARE you to your child? 

There is no greater thing you could be to your child than to be their best friend...

And, we wonder what's wrong with kids these days?

Other posts on "Friendship"

On Becoming Friendship-wise...

MY promise to my children

Parent vs Friend

Guest Post: Journey with Aspergers

This is (a rough draft of) chapter 1 of the book, "Journey with Aspergers" that is being written by a friend of mine named David Bell.

I am going to leave it here for you all as he wrote it...

Chapter 1: Growing up 

Now at first when I was growing up, Aspergers was often mistaken as AD/HD which is a different form. It often meant lack of focus and some problems I didn't understand. Teachers were hard on me in normal class, though going back to the beginning is easier. I spent my early years in a Christian School, now that I'm older I realize demonizing the people who did their jobs isn't right. See when you acted out they spanked you, even back than I didn't make friends. I was a distant child who felt nervous in rooms filled with people, which is why I believe I acted out. 

My mother took care of me in ways not many parents could of, I wasn't an easy child to handle. I suffered from abandonment issues severally, often wondering if because a person left I never would see them again. I still to this day suffer from this feeling, it may come from the abandonment issues I suffer from. But even as a child I didn't make friends like most people do. With most people who go through school they make friends and keep contact. I didn't do that, Aspergers in it's most known form is a learning disability but it's more than that. Those with it, suffer extremely socially it's hard for us to figure out things people have. Like unless I spend an extended period of time with a person, I can't see the signals things are wrong.

After the time at the Christian School came my next memory which was going to a public school, while I don't remember this event directly I believe it was painful. I couldn't read at all at the time and one of the teachers forced me to read in front of the class. I believe it may of been an event that triggered a large deal of pain for me as a child. So I tried to block it out and keep only memories that weren't so painful. But as I got older I noticed I had bad hand writing and wasn't exceptionally talented at anything but video games. Like most people I didn't know what I wanted as a child and nobody can really claim they do. I felt alone and outcast even among family. I did have a single talent I could memorize the bible and hold it's scripture dearly within my heart. I believed firmly in God, but I didn't fear him as a child. I felt like he replaced a void in my heart, but the more I think on it. I was in pain but never let anyone in. Something I'm not doing these days, but I'm still inexperienced at letting others inside. I always dreamed as a child that I could be that hero, the person who helped everyone. It's a desire deep within my heart to help others and protect them from the pain I had.

Now I would be lying if I said people didn't really help me learn. As a child I was angry and lost and God saw this and put someone in my life. He guided me and showed me a kindness I hadn't seen before. He even helped my mother who needed it as well, I wish I had known how much she suffered than too. Part of the autism prevented me from seeing it, but I thank God such a person helped her. He helped me accept their was nothing wrong with being different, it was through him I met true friends for the first time. I didn't keep contact with many of them as I grew up. I have no problem claiming this fact for the world to know, this man is my greatest Hero and I always think about how can I honor his memory. As a child he taught me it was ok to be a kid, to live like one. He encouraged me to come out of the box I had built around me. His family and them are some of the greatest people I will ever know, I won't be giving out names as this is a journey for you and me. I can't remember the days of school as he took such good care of me. Helping me through struggles that I doubt anyone but God himself could of helped me through. I used to be scared of being different, but I now accept it and encourage you to do the same.

As time progressed I was put into the school system's class room for people with my autism. AD/HD which was still what people believed I had. It was hard, the kids were violent and often had outbursts of anger. When you are around such people you turn into it, the teachers didn't know what they were dealing with. So they couldn't really contend with children or help us learn effectively in most cases. Some were good and some were bad, I remember being hit and struck by students in the class rooms. 

As I got older it become more clear I was different from the children in the class room, I wasn't angry or upset. But distant and lonely yet again as I started to try and cut myself off from people. Just so I could avoid being hurt and left alone again. This was around the time that wonderful man wasn't in my life for a while. I learned a great many things during this time, becoming a student slowly allowed me to grow. Yet during this time I didn't have any friends that stood out, as a student I didn't have the quality to allow me to make friends. You see I have best friends I grew up with but still even with them I don't keep great contact. Now of course I made friends on the surface and even could remember names. But they weren't people who came around or called me truthfully. Part of this was my isolation of myself, as a child I thought I had to do this. Perhaps it was because I was scared of being abandon and growing attached. The only person I let myself lean on was my Mom and the family of that man.

Some of the friends knew a bit of what I wanted them to know. But as I got older, listening to people who could play music and do many things. I often fell into depression, not knowing what I was supposed to do. What was my talent, surely God couldn't use video games as a talent. But what I didn't know, was that God had a far greater talent hidden within me waiting for the right time. I'll write something here for special showing what my talent is, it's a poem I have been working on for that man. It's called Hero but anyways I'll include it in this section of the book. It's something I wish I had gotten the chance to read to him. 

As I grew up I was switched around school systems. I was put into a school with my best friend, only now have I realized that bullying has forms that people don't know. You have the regular bully who just beats and demoralizes a person. Than you have the people, I say people and not person. Growing up the children who had autism or were in special classes were cut off from other students. During lunch we couldn't pick where we sat, we were forced to sit together. This caused most of us I think to become worse. To seek being alone over being with other people, by cutting us off from other people. It only made us more anti-social than we already were. It felt as though the second type of bully was here, like even if we did reach out. People wouldn't acknowledge us and we just didn't belong in society.

That man came back into my life again for a time, he'd moved out of the old house I had grown so fond of. An apartment complex of sorts is where he'd gone now. I think my mom could tell I was getting worse and put me back with him again. I came out of my shell a little bit, I now wish I had spent more time with him. I played around wishing I could speak other languages often pretending I could just to be more. Most of my childhood around this periods was uneventful, I continued down the path getting guidance from him all the way. God continued to provide guidance with him and his family. But as time went on soon that would disappear and I would have to try and make way through troubled waters. He moved farther away and I felt myself close up again. I kept a mask on for many years so my family only saw that. I was feeling abandoned again, but he did his best to make sure I knew it wasn't that way. I continued in the school districts till I hit my middle school years, which will be talked about in the next chapter. Below this section I will include the poem to show the talent for writing I got as I got older. 

Aspergers isn't a happy story all the time, but we are heroes of our stories. Growing up is hard and you can do this as parents or people with it. Just remember don't close yourself off no matter how hard it is. In closing this chapter I am going to be honest and say that it's a tough road as a parent. I see this only now for my mother, she did things that most parents don't. She worked hard to make sure I was treated normally and to this day fights for me on a daily basis. Now I encourage you to look for things you enjoy, writing, music, and the arts. I didn't have the confidence to try and write but now it's different obviously. Just don't give up yet, you have a bright future ahead of you as you are the hero of this story.

Poem

You are my hero, the one who saved me the road I travel. Who brought me freedom from darkness, showing me light. Delivering me from anger to happiness it's through you my hero that I find peace. The truth is you showed me I was a hero in the making. A hero of a different story and of a different fable. You showed me my road was ok and accepted me as a hero. For that I say you are my hero that forever lives in my heart.

Sorry, Smockity Frocks. Not amused.

So, I just read this on the "Smockity Frocks" blog...

Seems to be a blog that touts itself as being funny and at first...when I started reading this post it sounded funny and good humored...

"And then I found a ring in my baby's butt"

Our 8th child, who we affectionately refer to as “the baby,” is what many would call “a character.”

Or “a pistol”
“A corker”
“A handful”
“A stinker”

We always know where she’s been because we see the signs.

And, here the blog's author inserts several cute photos of funny stuff her little one has done which I could totally relate to as I have similar pictures of my own kids' antics...

Then...

So, one night around midnight I wasn’t too awfully surprised when my oldest daughter knocked on my bedroom door to wake me and said, “You have got to follow me into the living room! You’ll never believe who’s in there!”

She said she came downstairs to get a drink of water and she heard some rustling around on the recliner in the living room. She was a little concerned at what could be making the noise at such an hour when the whole house was asleep, so she nervously shined her cell phone light in that direction.

That’s when she saw her and came to get me.

When I rounded the corner, I saw Li’l Miss 2yo Handful sitting on the recliner,rummaging through my purse.

At midnight.

As naked as the day she was born.

My first response was, “WHAT THE HECK? HOW..? WHY???”

I stood with my hands on my hips and said in a disapproving tone, “WHAT are you doing?!”

She knew she had been caught doing something(S!) she shouldn’t be doing so she made a quick excuse. “I needed gum…” she stammered out.

And, see, right here is where it stopped being funny. The mom doesn't even realize what she just admitted. She just admitted that her style of parenting fills her children with fear so that they will "make quick excuses" (also known as lying.) And, then...

My oldest daughter, who had found her, was stifling giggles by now, and I began listing all the reasons she was in trouble.

1) You do not get out of bed and wander around the house.
2) At midnight.
3) To dig in Mama’s purse.
4) Butt naked.

I told her she was going to get a spanking and I picked her up, turned her around, and bent her over to give her a couple of swats with my hand.

She mentions that her child's private area is now facing her and she's about to hit her there to cause her pain so casually...and she doesn't even know why her little one was doing what she was doing? She's just going to hit her for it...

So, she's admitted something else about her parenting and that of most spankers - they do not take the time to investigate "why" their kids do what they do OR to properly explain to the children what they've done wrong. She was simply gonna swat her hiney, end of story.

She finally gets to the point of her story...

That’s when a ring popped right out of her crack.

You know the costume jewelry kind that you find in the toy aisle in a kit with a crown and a wand?

Like candy from a Pez dispenser.

At this point, my 18yo and I looked at each other and we both lost it. I couldn’t go through with the swats. I couldn’t even breathe.

Apparently the ring was in the chair when she sat down and it got wedged in tight until the moment of truth. Until she became the goose that laid the golden egg. Or the fish that produced a gold coin to pay the taxes.

She was saved by the ring.

So, the moral of this story...I guess, is that if you do something Mom has declared "bad" you will be hurt by Mom...UNLESS...the way you be bad is funny to Mom. If you can make Mom laugh...you won't be punished?

Monty Python often pops into my head when I hear absurd things...and I see the guys mucking about in the mud in "Monty Python and The Holy Grail" and I think that this arbitrary way of administering punishment is hardly a basis for a system of family government...especially one which the blog claims is supposed to be glorifying God...

And, then I scrolled back up and took another look at the pics of the little one doing naughty things and noticed that she was crying in one pic and looking sad in others. It struck me, "Does this mom...take pictures of her kids doing ornery things before/after she spanks them for it for her own fame and fortune?" (blog hits = income and she also sells e-books, oddly, about watching your mouth. Does Mom have a problem with that? I wonder who spanks Mom then?)

But, seriously? These "crimes" her children commit are serious enough to hit them for it and make THEM cry and be in pain...BUT...Mom then turns around and makes the stories "fun" to entertain strangers...for personal financial gain and her 15 minutes of internet fame and her Facebook fan page? (self-promotion or ambition for herself)

Well, sorry. This Christian is not impressed, Smockity Frocks. Large family maybe. But, to the glory of God? I don't think so...

But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your heart, do not be arrogant and so lie against the truth. This wisdom is not that which comes down from above, but is earthly, natural, demonic. For where jealousy and selfish ambition (promoting your blog and fan page) exist, there is disorder and every evil thing. 

But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, reasonable, full of mercy and good fruits, unwavering, without hypocrisy. And the seed whose fruit is righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace."

James 3

Also...I have to add...

I don't know why this memory has never left me and why it is still so vivid, but, here it is... Once Upon a Time...I was 3 or 4. I had a kiddie pool and a mom who was overly cautious so she only put a few inches of water in it and then went inside the house. 

I knew that when you put things into water, for some reason it got deeper. I had apparently observed water displacement, but I was barely outta' diapers so I didn't understand it. My limited knowledge and desire for the water to be deeper gave me an idea: I started putting rocks and pebbles and everything I could find into the pool.

What any adult able to read this knows happened next is that the water was all muddied-up and disgusting. When this finally registered in my young brain I stopped and went and got my mom to explain.

My mom came out and she was very mad. I was punished. The pool was taken from me.

And, ya know what? She never knew or cared WHY I had just done that. The why of what I had just done was actually really cool and an opportunity for learning. I can think of so many possible outcomes had my mom looked at me and seen my little mind and heart at work. But, the actual outcome with a mother with the spanking mindset was that I was punished and seen as naughty. 

No doubt, every person that my mom encountered for the next few days would have heard the story...of how she did the noble and nice thing of spending her hard-earned money to buy me a pool and then I went and just put rocks and dirt in it! What an ungrateful, bad, naughty child she had! And, I would have heard her telling that story over and over...

Had she...and Smockity Frocks...taken the time to investigate and see life from their children's eyes...something more precious than a plastic piece of jewelry would have come out of their children...

Who is He to you?

Saw this meme the other day...and it's funny...but then again...it's not...

It's funny because it "gets ya"! You are expecting that "He" is God so it's got a surprise ending with it being helium. (In case you don't know..."He" is the official abbreviation for helium)

But, the thing about this that's "not funny" is that this really represents a choice we all make...who do you believe "He" is?

One thing that happens with the Theory of Evolution is that it basically forces you to elevate the elements to "godhood". In the Theory of Evolution you go back thru time with something being caused by something...being caused by something...being caused by something...

But, no matter how many millions of years are part of the theory...you can't do it forever. You can't go back in time indefinitely with something causing something then being caused by something else...

Ultimately...something has to be the 1st cause of all things. And that cause would have to be "uncaused".

So, what do you believe that was?

Do you believe that the cause of all things...that led to all this beauty, order, and life on earth...an uncaused self-existent eternal buncha' elements from the periodic table? 

Or, do you believe that the cause of all things...that led to all this beauty, order, and life on earth...an uncaused self-existent eternal personal being? 

Who is "He" to you?

The End is Near? "The Antichrist"

All that has to happen is some rumor of war somewhere and  "End Timers" come outta' the closet and start preaching, "The End is Near!"

Which one of us has NOT been hearing, "We're living in the End Times" since we could hear? I mean, really? Someone has always been saying it...

(And, ya know we used to stone these types in the OT, right?)

One thing that always strikes me is that all of the "end times signs" these people see are based on two things...ignorance and fear. Ignorance of history, of what Revelation actually says, and fear. Lots and lots of fear.

End Timers get all excited about "who is the anti-christ" and it seems that no matter which president is currently in office: it's him! If you ask them about this singular "anti-Christ" they all would direct you to the book of  Revelation...but have a look...

Times the word, "Antichrist" is mentioned in the entire Bible:

I John 2:18
Children, it is the last hour; and just as you heard that antichrist is coming, even now many antichrists have appeared; from this we know that it is the last hour.

I John 2:22
Who is the liar but the one who denies that Jesus is the Christ? This is the antichrist, the one who denies the Father and the Son.

I John 4:3
and every spirit that does not confess Jesus is not from God; this is the {spirit} of the antichrist, of which you have heard that it is coming, and now it is already in the world.

II John 1:7
For many deceivers have gone out into the world, those who do not acknowledge Jesus Christ {as} coming in the flesh. This is the deceiver and the antichrist.

Notable: 

- The word "antichrist" does not appear in Revelation. 

- All appearances of the word are in reference to many people not one person.

- Anyone who is against Christ is an antichrist.

- "Currently" (as in 2000 yrs ago when it was written) there were already many antichrists.

That's what the Bible says, but, that doesn't seem to stop the End Timers...

The modern belief and search for this "singular" antichrist is obviously not Bible based. 

Interestingly, End Timers usually also believe that God will be removing all the Christians from the earth to be spared the suffering of all the end time plagues and horrors...yet...

Rev. 22:18
I testify to everyone who hears the words of the prophecy of this book: if anyone adds to them, God will add to him the plagues which are written in this book; and if anyone takes away from the words of the book of this prophecy, God will take away his part from the tree of life and from the holy city, which are written in this book. 

So, if they we actually living in the end times the End Timers need to get their noses out of Daniel and Ezekiel (and wherever else) that they're "adding" to Revelation...otherwise...far from being spared the horrors (being raptured...which also isn't in Revelation) their horrors will be added to...

Seems to me that more than living in the "End Times" we're living in this...

Jeremiah 5:31
The prophets prophesy falsely, And the priests rule on their own authority; And My people love it so! But what will you do at the end of it?

WTH: The problem of the doctrine of Original Sin

Have you ever noticed how almost casually people talk about who is and isn't "going to hell"?

Everyone has their opinions, right?

Most people'd say Hitler is in hell... 

Some would say all non-Christians...

Some say it's everyone who has never said "the sinner's prayer"...

Some would say you...

Some would say me...

Some would say gays...and Democrats ;)

And, then of course, the Westboro Baptists think...well...everyone but them is going there!!

But, have ya ever thought about what you're really SAYING? I don't think many people really have...

I did a Google image search on "Hell" and you get fantasy pics like these...

Kinda' like, "Welcome to Hell! Population: Everyone you don't like!" Right? Almost cute. A little hot. Touristy. Maybe we can find a nice bar and get a Margarita and party with some wild bikers while we're here, eh?

One thing that's all wrong about all these pictures is that the people are in some sort of light...

Hell is the absence of God. And, He is light and goodness and love...so...if God is not there...there is no light. None. 

There is even beauty in these images and so none of that. There'd be none of that there because God is not there...

In fact...there would be no other beings at all...because being with other beings is good...being alone is bad...

A truer picture of hell would be completely black and alone...

And, the person there...would look more like this person below...

Don't look too closely.

(I was present in 2007 in a town in a 3rd world country when a riot took place and was there when a man was burned alive. I took pics, sorta' as evidence for the police if they wanted it later, which they did...)

We chat so casually about "who" is going to hell...as tho' we're talking about who is going to end up losing their job or end up going bald when they're old...we don't get it.

When we talk about someone going to hell, let's get it straight...

We're saying that whoever this person is...is going to face God someday...and that God will...essentially...douse them with eternal gasoline, light the eternal match and light them eternally on fire...put them in a dark room...on fire...all alone...writhing in flames...on fire...for not a minute...not 3 minutes till they finally die...not a day...a week...not a year...but for all eternity...and walk away...

And, we're saying that after God does this to...not one...not a dozen...but billions of people...that He, like a sociopath, will disconnect from that horrific reality and just...enjoy the rest of us in ceaseless bliss and joy.

And, the rest of us will know this happened and is happening to all our loved ones and most of mankind (if you're a Westboro Baptist!) and we're just gonna be OK with that. We'll just sing praises and have all this fun in heaven while there are billions of people...burning alive...forever...

Really? It kinda' makes me wanna barf. And, I'm supposed to believe God will do this? I couldn't...and I have sinned. I have been evil. I have hurt people on purpose in my life and I couldn't do this to a chicken or a cat...or even a spider. But, I'm supposed to believe God will do this?

And, it gets worse...

Some people have believed the popular Christian doctrine of "Original Sin" to the point that now, they have to "wonder" what God does with babies that die? 

The Bible does say that "whoever doesn't repent will perish" so what do you do with babies if you believe they're born sinful? Being born sinful would have to mean that babies deserve to be set on fire for all eternity...right? (and, if you believe that a person could deserve that simply because they came into existence then you have no idea what sin even is!)

They don't want to admit it, and dance around it, because their common sense is screaming that this is ludicrous, but, they can't let go of their long-believed doctrine! So, I've heard it said many times that, "God must have a special place for babies." But, there's no Biblical support for that! If you believe Jesus' words that you must repent or perish and you believe babies are born sinful then since babies don't repent then you must believe that God...actually sends babies to hell. And, that somehow...He gets some sort of glory out of it.

And, I think people don't take this so seriously because they have a totally wrong picture in their minds of what hell would be...

Seriously...what gets me about the doctrine of Original Sin...is what it makes you think about God's character...

Think about it...

If a doctrine actually makes you even begin to think that God...the Person who died on the cross for you and me...would take an aborted baby...a miscarriage...a newborn...a child...and set them on fire and kill them forever in darkness...because of one choice that their great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great grandfather made...THAT should make us realize that that doctrine came from the enemy!

The only thing that deserves to be set on fire with eternal gasoline and set ablaze...is the doctrine of Original Sin and the being who created it: satan.

Go here if you still think babies are born sinful...