Monday, March 21, 2011

"Cause and Effect"

I was just thinking...that when it comes to understanding "cause and effect" humans tend to be very shallow. If you see me take a stick and stab it into the ground and remove it and you see a hole there, you can very easily put that together and realize that hole was caused by that stick. But, when it comes to more complex things or things that take longer to see the "hole" people are painfully "shallow"...

There are 4 different types of households a child can grow up in "basically". Authoritarian, Authoritative, Indulgent, or Neglectful. In each type of household the children learn different "causes and effects"...

If a raised up in a punitive authoritarian household...(that's where the parents are the bosses or consider themselves "in charge" and use punishments/spankings) what do the children "really learn"?

Let's look at this...

If a child lives in an environment where they are aware that whatever they do is being scrutinized by their parents constantly as the parents scan their child for "disobedient" or "rebellious" behavior so as to execute punishment if the child displays that kind of behavior...the child will learn first of all to what? To keep their behavior in check...but not in a "self-evaluative" way...they will learn to constantly watch their own behavior based on how OTHERS view it and judge it. (That aspect alone is really sad because that teaches the children TO worry about what others think about everything they do)

Secondly, children who live in an environment like this...are being trained by the example of their parents to what? To be how? How do their parents live before them? Their parents watch others (the children) to judge all of their behaviors. And, when the parent sees in others (the children) behavior which they find unacceptable they will then proceed to cause the child discomfort or pain for it. That's the basics of it. 

No matter what the process is called (discipline/shepherding) it still is what it is. We as parents can believe with our whole honest hearts what we wanna believe we're trying to teach our kids, but, that does not change the reality of what they are ACTUALLY learning...because kids do not learn from their parents INTENTIONS but learn from their parents ACTIONS...

WELL...we kids learn best from our parents EXAMPLES, right? So, if we're raised by parents who live that way before else can we grow up...but to be the same way? We will grow up to scan our environment and watch others to judge all of their behavior. And, when we then see in others behavior which we find unacceptable...we will feel a need then to proceed to cause them discomfort or pain for it.

BUT, unless the "others" are our children, it's not so easy to cause them pain or discomfort. Like, if it's our neighbor, Bob, and he's cheating on his wife...we can't spank our neighbor! We can't call the police and have him arrested. We can't get the president to drop bombs on him. So what then?

Why, we gossip about him.

A couple of things you do when you gossip about someone you:
are judging them (as we were judged as kids)
have a sort of "control" over them (which our parents had over us when they judged us)
can hurt them for what they've done (which is what our parents did to us)

Because we don't parent our kids for one day and the next day they begin these behaviors we don't see the cause and effect relationship as easily as the stick in the ground creating a hole. But, the truth of the matter is there if you choose to investigate it. This connection is just one more evidence that "traditional parenting"...the controlling/spanking style of not leading to the results that most parents who use these methods hope to achieve. Controlling and spanking our children, as Christians anyway, actually leads our kids away from God...

Worth thinking about...

Romans 1: 18-20
...that which is known about God is evident within them; for God made it evident to them. For since the creation of the world His invisible attributes, His eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly seen, being understood through what has been made, so that they are without excuse.

2 Corinthians 12:20
For I am afraid that perhaps when I come I may find you to be not what I wish and may be found by you to be not what you wish; that perhaps there will be strife, jealousy, angry tempers, disputes, slanders, gossip, arrogance, disturbances;

Romans 1:29
being filled with all unrighteousness, wickedness, greed, evil; full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, malice; they are gossips, 

1 Timothy 3:11
Women must likewise be dignified, not malicious gossips, but temperate, faithful in all things.

Timothy 5:13
At the same time they also learn to be idle, as they go around from house to house; and not merely idle, but also gossips and busybodies, talking about things not proper to mention. 

2 Timothy 3:3
unloving, irreconcilable, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal, haters of good 

Titus 2:3
Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good,
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