Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Love and Respect

I was thinking last night and this morning about respect...

Dictionary.com says:


  [ri-spekt]  Show IPA
a particular, detail, or point (usually preceded by in ): todiffer in some respect.
relation or reference: inquiries with respect to a route.
esteem for or a sense of the worth or excellence of aperson, a personal quality or ability, or somethingconsidered as a manifestation of a personal quality orability: I have great respect for her judgment.
deference to a right, privilege, privileged position, orsomeone or something considered to have certain rights orprivileges; proper acceptance or courtesy;acknowledgment: respect for a suspect's right to counsel; to showrespect for the flag; respect for the elderly.
the condition of being esteemed or honored: to be held inrespect.

(I bolded the ones that stuck out to me.)

I think most of the problems we have in this world is due to a lack of esteem for or sense of worth or excellence of others. A lack of respect.

Where would this come from? Why do we humans fail to see the worth of others and treat them accordingly? It's my opinion we're raised that way. Yes. Even tho' most parents force kids to "speak" respectfully to everyone with their, "Now say 'thank you' to Miss So-n-So" orders all the time...we teach our kids the value of others by the way we treat them.

The Bible says, "Train them up...and when they are old they won't depart from it." Right? More commonly it's simply put, "the apple don't fall far from the tree." Or, it could even be put, "What comes around goes around." Kids learn what they live...and then...they live what they learned...

Parents "today" seem to say the same thing parents always have, "Kids these days..." and then the answer for whatever seems to be ailing "kids these days" is more "discipline"...which most people have wrongly defined as more punishment and more control over kids.

I thought "the greatest if these was love?" I thought, "love never fails"? But, yet, parents think kids need more suffering and more control?!

So, recently in the "news" (internet) there have been 2 dads who have been shown "disciplining" their daughters. What I find most disturbing about the 2 videos is all of the comments approving of these dad's actions...saying, "this is what kids these days need..."

The first video is the one of the Texas judge beating his teenage daughter with a belt while cussing her out.
The 2nd video is the one of the cowboy-hat-clad dad with the pistol who shoots her laptop.

I think a lot of people who approve of the 2nd one but not the 1st, are failing to see that both videos show dad's with the same heart...a heart of disrespect toward their daughters. The only difference between the two dads is the way they chose to express their disrespect.

Both dads identified something "wrong" that their daughters had done. Both chose the modern-day idea of "discipline" to remedy this. They used humiliation and pain as the way to correct this wrong. One did it by cussing and hitting, the other did it by reading her words for everyone to read and then destroying her computer.

Some people have applauded one and not the other...some have applauded both, believe it or not. I have read so many comments praising these days for "stepping up" and "being involved in their daughter's lives" and for "caring" and for "teaching these naughty girls a lesson". (I normally avoid reading comments because it seems comment boxes attract the world's most confused people...with bad spelling...)

Hmmm. So! Today is Valentine's Day. The day dedicated to love and caring, right? So...who else would it be be termed "loving and caring" for these men...to humiliate and hurt? Who else would it be considered good acceptable for the dads to teach the same lessons to? Their wives? Their employees? Their friends? Their co-workers? Customers? Just who else would it be OK for those men to humiliate and hurt to teach them a lesson? Who else could those men destroy the property of to teach them a lesson and have that be OK?

So, what if the daughter in the 2nd video had not been the target of the video. Say it had been her mom. Say that girl had turned on her computer and seen that video posted on her mom's wall...and then realized she could hear her mom over in her room sniffling (crying) all alone while Dad sat smugly at the kitchen table sipping a cup of coffee and reading the paper? What if the daughter had that experience? What would you all say to her? Would you all tell her that her dad was just using "tough love" on his disrespectful wife and that it was all for the best, "Chin up!" Or, would you think that that lady needs to get herself out of that abusive situation, leave that man, and take her daughter with her asap? Would you see it as abusive for a man to do that to his wife? Then, why not the daughter? Why is it acceptable to treat the child that way and not the mother?

And, ya have to realize the extent of what the dad did. Go back 10 years...and what happened was...she wrote a note to one of her friends about how much she was mad at her parents. That kids' mom found it and gave it to her dad then, feeling concerned. Then, the dad grabbed some of her school books, some of her book reports that were soon due that she'd been working on, her encyclopedia set, all of her research books and her library card, all of her photo albums, all of her birthday cards and letters she'd received in the last few years, and all of her music CD's...and he put them out in the yard in front of the house and burned them while CNN International aired it. That is what that man did to his daughter.

Or, what if the father had not made this video...what if it had been this girl's boyfriend? What if her boyfriend had given her that computer and had done the same thing? What might her dad have said to her about that boy? Would he have been like, "That's a great future husband for you!" or might he have forbidden her from seeing that boy again after seeing how controlling and hurtful that boy was? Is that the kind of man that father wants for his daughter? He should realize that most girls marry someone just like their dads...

And, I don't even have to get into the guy with the cussing and the belt...anyone who really thinks that was OK is not worth even trying to reason with...

Basically, since we learn best by example, what did both of the girls get taught by their dads?

From the girls' perspectives, they saw their dads as they discovered that someone under their authority had done something wrong And, the way their dads taught their girls to handle a situation like that is that the proper way to deal with a subordinate's bad behavior is to either:

1. harm them physically with violence
2. harm them with words
3. destroy their personal property with violence

The dads taught their daughters that when you are in a position of authority over someone, and that person is weaker than you, and they do something which embarrasses you or disrespects you that the way to handle it is to hurt the person. Period. That is the lesson both dad's taught.


For the girl whose dad just shot her computer, I can only imagine how she feels waking up this morning. And, if he were to come to her and try to give her a Valentine's card or something...I don't even know how I'd react to that double-standard of treatment. I don't know what I'd do with a dad who'd do that to me one day, violate me so, and then try to say, "I love you."

Sad sad world. That's what I was just thinking.

BTW...I know there is a lot of "stock" photography all over the internet...but I actually took this pic with my own camera and saw this cloud with my own eyes. It was in front of a Beall's store in DeBary, Florida in 2009...yep yep...and it was so quick...we all looked up and there it was...grabbed a camera...snap snap...then it was gone... :)

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