MY promise to my children

This picture-post came across my news feed on Facebook today...and it irks me extremely! So much so I can't even comment because I don't want to make the post-er feel bad because I know that it is meant to be positive but I just don't see it as a well-thought out thing...If you really think about each thing you'll see what I mean... 

Check it out...it reminds me of Ezzo's advice in "Babywise"...

SO so so many things are wrong with this!!!!!

Let's look at it bit by bit!!!

"I am your parent 1st ~ your friend 2nd"

A parent is a biological fact. You make offspring and you are a parent. Parents come in all shapes, sizes...and attitudes. Some parents are loving and kind, some don't give a hoot, and some are downright abusive and unsafe.

A friend...is a choice. A friend...is a purpose. It's a relationship. And, a friend...loves at all times. A friend...doesn't allow you to do things that are bad for you. A friend is someone you want to be around...someone you trust and run to when you're sad, upset, confused or afraid. A friend doesn't let you go out in a dress that makes ya look fat. :) A friend doesn't sit back and watch you make choices that are bad for you. A true friend is something we all yearn for...and who...do you want your child to find friendship in? Who do you want your child to trust to always tell them the truth and never stand back and watch them hurt themselves or others? I want that to be me. 

"I will stalk you"

Um...who likes stalkers? And, someone who "stalks" you doesn't have a relationship with you...they intrude on you and invade your privacy as they look at you and watch you "from afar". How would you be so far from your children, ever, that you would even be able to stalk them? Only if you've driven them away? I don't want to ever have to stalk my children. 

"I will flip out on you"

Who likes to be flipped out on? I don't like being flipped out on! And, when you flip out on someone...don't you usually have to go back and apologize for it? Isn't "flipping out on"  when you lose control and cut loose and say rude, harsh, or disrespectful things to someone in a burst of emotion!? Generally, "Flipping out on" behavior is not mature or beneficial to any relationship, is it? Certainly not behavior you'd want your children to learn and do back to you. I don't want to be flipped out on or ever flip out on my kids.

"lecture you"

I don't like being lectured! A lecture is when you talk AT someone. It's not a mutual conversation where both parties talk to each other it's where one person talks AT another. Again...just like stalking and flipping out on...they are all things that are not part of or indicative of a healthy relationship. It's not behavior I'd want to model to my kids because I don't want them to end up lecturing others in life.

"drive you insane"

OK, we all do that to someone sometimes, I guess...but why do we drive people insane? "Driving someone insane" is where you do things they dislike to the point they feel they can't take it another minute. Why would you want to do this to your child? Again...if you think driving your kids "insane" with your stalking, flipping out, and lectures you aren't really talking about having a healthy respectful relationship with your child OR modeling good healthy behavior that your child should use in the world with you or anyone else. 

"be your worst nightmare"

This one really gets me. Worst nightmare. You know, our kids will have nightmares in life and I sure hope I'm never the cause of any. A nightmare is something that scares you and is something you want to get away from. I would hope I'd never be the source of fear for my child or that my child would desire to get away from me.

"hunt you down like a bloodhound when needed"

Bloodhounds are used for hunting things that are hiding from you because they are afraid of you. How sad that your child would ever need to be "hunted down". You don't run and hide from things you trust. You hide from things you fear...like maybe...your worst nightmares. You hide from things that drive you insane...stalk...and flip out on you. Again...just like stalking, flipping on, lecturing, driving insane, and being your worst nightmare...this is another thing that is not part of a healthy respectful relationship. 

"Because I LOVE YOU"

Ohhh kay. I will observe you from a distance, flip out on you, talk at you, become a terror to you...all because I love you. So, someday if your daughter was living with a guy who had first courted her by stalking her, and had a habit of flipping out on her, talking at her harshly, scaring her and making her want to hide from him...you would respond to her by assuring her of this man's LOVE? Of course you wouldn't! So, why are you teaching your child that this is LOVE?

"When you understand that I will know you are a responsible adult."

This is just too sad. To believe that people who stalk me, flip on me, talk at me and scare me LOVE ME doesn't make me "responsible". I know people right now...who are married and living miserably ever after with people who have this level of respect for them and they stay with them. "Understanding" that this type of treatment is loving makes you a sad adult not a responsible one.

"You will never find someone who loves, prays, cares and worries about you more than I do."

Again...by this posts definition of LOVE I would hope that no one would stalk them, flip out on them, lecture them, and scare them MORE than this. Prayer and worry are obviously going to be needed for a child who has been raised to believe that those who love them are distant but invasive (stalking), flip out on them, talk at them and scare them because if this has been the model for "love" for the child...the child will approach all relationships this way. They will be a stalker, flipper outer, lecturer, scarer, and will seek out people who are the same.

"If you don't hate me once in your life - I am not doing my job properly."

I guess if you believe that all these aspects of unhealthy relationship are part of your "job" as "parent" then your child will hate you at least once in their life...But, this makes no sense! If all of these things are supposed to be out of LOVE...they would not lead to HATE! 

"Re-post if you are a parent and agree"

Please. Why do people always add this to the end of their posts?!

Fathers do not provoke your children to anger, but instead bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

Ephesians 6:4

For Christian parents...I have to ask...do you believe that God is your Father, sure, but certainly not your friend! Do you believe that because God was Abraham's friend that that meant He let Abraham run amuck and He engaged in shenanigans with Abraham...that THAT is what "friendship" is? Do you believe God "stalks" you and isn't really in your life but watches you from afar? Does God "flip out on you"? Does God sit you down and point His finger at you and talk at you and "lecture you"? Does God treat you in such a way that you feel like you just can't TAKE HIM ANYMORE! Does God terrify you and make you awaken in a cold sweat? Does God make you want to run and hide from Him? Is that what God wants you to understand once you're mature enough that THAT is what He's like and what LOVE looks like? 

Remember that your REAL "job" with your kids is to show them God...to show them what He is like...so if you get your kids to the point where they hate you and believe that treatment that leads them to hate you is LOVE...you have not done your "job" right.

And, even for non-Christian parents...is this how you want your children to look for their mates in life? For mates who will treat them as outlined above?

I believe this picture-post should be re-written and look like this:

For more (but a short post) on the difference between being a "Parent" or a "Friend": Parent vs Friend

To be able to say that "I am a friend of God"...is the highest honor and safest place in the world. God is my friend...and my example how to be a parent...and therefore...I hope to be the best friend 2nd only to God...that my kids ever have...

Click here for...

CLICK HERE for a free e-book by Samuel Martin on why spanking is NOT Biblical

How does prayer move God?

I was just thinking…about a friend of mine in Canada who will awaken today to the horrible reality that her niece is missing. Her car has been found but she's nowhere. While this stuff is always supposed to happen to someone else or on TV…it's actually happening to my friend and her family and I find it unreal and sad in so many many ways.

There was a police report published on Facebook and I "shared" it. Another kind friend of mine also "shared" and she'd put the caption, "Let's pray her home!" to encourage Christians to pray for her. 

This is what in particular has got me thinking today.

I thought about it recently with another Facebook friend. She'd said that were it not for the fact that she can help a little girl with cancer by posting her updates and getting people to pray for her…she'd deactivate her account.

I thought about this a few months ago when my 3-year old was lost at Disney for 20 minutes.

I thought about this before, also, a long long time ago. 1998. My husband was killed on his way to work by a jackknifed tractor trailer.

Prayer. 

I know how Christians think about it. They think that if we pray "we can move mountains". If we pray we can…change the world…by moving God to act. Right?

Well, I wonder how many other people ever stop to think about it long enough and ask enough questions to get disturbed by this. I think we have to be believing something backwards with this because…

For God to find a lost young woman…

For God to heal a 3 year old with cancer…

For God to find a lost 3 year old at Disney...

For God to prevent the death of a 29 year old man with 4 kids and a wife…

How many people, exactly, does God need to have praying?

Does this number vary depending on things?

Does He require more or less prayers for cancer than abduction?

Does He require more or less prayers for a 3-year old cancer victim than a 30-yr old cancer victim?

What is the prayer requirement difference between healing a 3-year old with cancer, and finding a 3-year old who is lost?

Does God require more or less or the same amount of prayers to find a young woman who's been abducted if she's a Christian or a non-Christian?

What does God do for people without lots of friends? What about the lonely villager in Guatemala with only a handful of friends in their own village?

Does the number change depending on the spiritual health of those praying? Does a highly righteous and very spiritual person praying count for two slovenly carnal Christians?

If non-Christians pray, too, do they even count?

How often do we need to pray? 

How long do the prayers need to be? 

Does it matter the person's spiritual condition when they pray?

Does it matter how many people are praying at the same time or is it counted over a 24 hour period? 

And, if God is not yet responding to prayers because there aren't "enough"...then...what is He doing until then? Nothing?

What I don't get is…

…why it could possibly matter how MANY people pray? God isn't like the evil mother kangaroo on "Horton Hear's a Who"…who is about to boil that dust-speck until that one last person speaks up and she hears the voices crying out on that dust-speck. God hears even the faintest whisper and even the unspoken prayers. God hears. So, what is the need for "many" people to pray? 

…is it because God doesn't WANT to help and we have to bug bug bug Him (like the person at the unrighteous judge's door asking for bread) and then once we have SO MANY people praying He finally gets up and says, "FINE! OK! I'll help now!" God's not like that!

…wouldn't healing someone or finding a lost woman based on the number of people praying be favoring the "popular" people? Favoring the people who have Facebook and Twitter? Favoring the people who have friends who "share" on those sites? Favoring those who happen to go to large churches? 

…isn't this "policy" unfair to people who have no computers? No Facebook? No Twitter with which to notify the masses that prayer is needed? Isn't this distinctly favoring the white American in the USA who can all afford computers and internet service and distinctly leaving out the dark-skinned people in Africa and other parts of the world who are poor and can't even dream of owning a computer?

…when my 3-year old was lost at Disney…did God count the heart-felt desperate prayers of the panicked mother the same as He would count the random casual prayers of strangers notified by a friend of a friend on the internet? How would that make any sense?

…if it really matters to get LOTS of people praying…then does it really happen that sometimes God just lets the bad guy kill the girl, cancer kill the child…and so forth…and His reasoning is that, "Well, you just didn't have ENOUGH people praying." You realize…that for Him to say that…He would have to be "counting". He'd have to have a number…a requirement. It couldn't be random. Like, it couldn't be that 20 would be enough in "this case" and then "50" enough in the next…God is FAIR. So, what? If God requires 100 people to pray for a lost young woman to be returned home safely and only 99 pray…He does nothing. And, He's OK with that? He feels good and loving about that? If He requires that 300 pray for the young cancer victim to be healed and only 200 pray…God feels good and loving to let that child die?

Is this only NOT making sense to me?

If I know God…and He knows me…and He is my Father…my friend…and if He is compassionate, loving, kind, and all-powerful…then if my 3 year old is lost…the only "prayer" that needs to happen to move Him to help me would be ME. Me crying out to Him, "Help!" And, He loves me. He hears me even when I make no sense when I pray 'cause I'm in a panic and can't think straight. He's going to help me! 

Wouldn't it be a huge insult to me and my friendship with Him if He said, "Yeah, I hear ya. You lost your child, I know that sucks, but, you need to get your phone out and post this on Facebook 'cause really until you at least have 50 people praying My hands are tied. Sorry."

Really? 

Thinking of God like this is crazy, it's true! And, I bet most people would wanna say that no way that God's not like this…at the same time trying to cling to the belief that He needs all these prayers to "do" anything. You believe that the numbers of people praying makes a difference without all these points being true. 

So…what is it then?

Did Moses or a huge mass of people pray and move the Red Sea? 

Moses had a huge mass of people there and could have told them all to "pray" to open the sea but he didn't. Did Moses speak to God and have God change His mind about wiping out all the Israelites? Did one man, Moses, not speak one sentence (not even repeatedly) to God and have God change His mind about killing millions of people? Didn't one man, Elijah, pray for rain? Didn't one man, Elijah, pray that God would send fire down from heaven? Did God not stop the sun for Joshua? Didn't one woman reach out in the crowd and touch Jesus in order to be healed? Did not one Man hang on the cross?

Seems to me that there are a lot of instances in the Bible where God did huge things and didn't require a chorus of people repeating prayers and fasting for weeks to get it. Seems to me that most of the time God worked with individuals…like Jonah. Moses. Abraham. Isaac. Jacob. David. Mary. Jesus.

I think the modern Church just simply doesn't "know" God…at all. And, I could list some examples of things that demonstrate that right now…but…I'll skip that and say that this topic of prayer is just one more thing that the church has no clue about because we don't know how God operates 'cause we just don't know Him.

To pull this in with "child rearing"…I believe that the key to prayer isn't in numbers of people praying…but the people who are listening to God.

Think about it this way…

If God hears a prayer to find a missing 3-year old at Disney…what is He going to "actually DO". Like…God doesn't do stuff "by magic" right? So, what would He actually DO to reunite a lost 3-year old with her mama? Think about that for a second and you'll see that the number of people praying…wouldn't even effect this. God will do what He does just the same with one or one thousand people praying and what it all boils down to is how well do we hear Him? And, this is effected by the way we're trained in the crib…and on thru childhood. How responsive are we?

So, my daughter is wandering alone and scared…confused. God "speaks to her" to tell her to walk a certain direction toward people God wants to find her. Will she go or won't she? He won't "magically make her legs" move. She has to "hear" God's voice…choose to respond to it. How have I trained her? Have I trained her to believe that her feelings mean something and that she can trust her body? Have I trained her that when her body says, "I'm hungry" you trust it and give your body food? Have I trained her that when she feels awake I let her be awake? When she feels sleepy I let her go to sleep? Have I trained her to listen to her body? So, then when God speaks to her gut…does she trust it? Does she follow it? 

But, then what about the people who are the people God wants to find her…what about them? When God prompts them to "see her"…He's not going to "magically" force their eyes to go in her direction. What if they don't listen to God? What if they've been trained to be "unresponsive" to their feelings and intuitions? What if those people had parents who were unresponsive to them to teach them to "self-soothe" as babies and so they are not sensitive to their "gut"? 

What really strikes me about this is this…

The church "today" really blames God for everything. They don't believe they're blaming Him but they do because...they believe that everything that happens somehow is part of God's mysterious "plan" for our lives. When something bad happens they look skyward and cry, "Why! God! Why!" because they believe that God "did" this somehow. Some try to make it that they only believe that "He ALLOWED it to happen..." but they are still blaming God. They believe that "God is in control" and to "trust Him that He has a purpose" for whatever crap we're going thru! And, I believe this attitude in adults is all because of how we've raised up our children. We've bought the "old wives tales" and taught our children to ignore their bodies…to ignore their feelings and intuitions…we've taught children not to think and feel but to blindly comply and obey…and then we wonder why GOD doesn't DO SOMETHING when tragedy strikes.

My oldest son told me that the "ancients" (before Jesus) told a story about a man who needed rocks to build something. Rocks were too far away and the project too big so he planted trees on a mountainside. 100 years later…when it was someone else's task to be building that structure that needed rocks…those trees' roots had pushed thru the side of that mountain and broken it up. The next builder had his rocks for building because a man thought ahead, planned, acted on it, and had faith that his actions would do something. He was referred to in those days as the "man who moved a mountain". 

When Jesus said we can move mountains…He didn't mean we could get a buncha' people together to bug God and then God would "do magic" for us and "move a mountain". He meant that we have it in us, built in, because we are made in the image of God…to think, plan, act, and have faith that what we do can "move a mountain". 

But, modern parenting has pretty much squashed all of that in us. We don't move mountains because we teach our infants they are helpless. We teach them that when they're all alone and in the dark and they cry out they're on their own and that they can't do a thing to change their situation except to just simply "check out" and "go to a happy place" and wait till it's over. We teach them their voice doesn't matter and they can cry all night but no one is coming. We teach them they can't "have their own way". We teach them that when they're hungry not to trust that feeling 'cause it's not time to eat yet. We teach them to keep eating after their bodies say "stop" because that "feeling" in their body isn't anything to be paid attention to only that plate that needs to be emptied. We teach them they can't even move US let alone move God or move a mountain. 

And, so here we are…in 2012…believing that God is "in control" because we don't believe we have any control and SOMEONE has to be in control. We believe we need 1000 OTHER people to pray for our needs because we've been taught since day one in that crib that our voices aren't enough.

But, we're wrong.

God doesn't respond to us on a schedule. God does hear us. God does react when we cry out to Him...every time. God is always good. God is love. We don't need 1000 strangers to talk to God for us...He hears us when we speak no matter how softly or what time of the day or night.

It's an almost impossible thing to believe when we've been raised to ignore every drive God built into us. Almost impossible to believe God could respond to just us...just a tiny grunt...when we were babies left in cribs all alone to scream and scream and scream till we passed out from exhaustion and no one ever came. God said that how we're raised up when we're old we won't depart from it...and this is a very hard thing to depart from. It's like it never FEELS real that God hears our individual voices...even if we choose to believe that. We still think we need to have 1000 strangers also praying because we really don't BELIEVE God hears us or will do a thing if He does...

One of the most successful weapons that satan has ever had to use against God and against the Church is how we parent our babies. Gary Ezzo, James Dobson, Michael Pearl, and all the child-training gurus out there who promote the "breaking their will" type child-rearing are doing more damage to the world than any war or any plague that's ever happened in history…

It is such a huge problem I don't even know how it can be stopped…

That's what I'm thinking about today...

That's what I'm thinking about most days, actually...

Yeah, you should live with me. I'm quite the broken record.

;)

Maggoty Food: Why you don't need the bad in life to appreciate the good!!!

I was just thinking…about an experience I had the other day...

I grew up in the US for the first 31 years of my life. I was gone only 10 years. You'd think I know how things work here, right? But, things changed fast in those 10 years and I have a lot of experiences where I just feel like "duh" as I've been readapting...

One of those things happened a few days ago. I was shopping at Kohl's…which I never even heard of before I left the US…and every time I've ever been in the store since being back in the US…and I mean EVERY TIME…there's a sale. There's always a sale. I came to believe that that's just how that store operates and the stuff is always "on sale". So, I went in there today and gathered a few items and got to the cash register and the lady tells me my total is like $50 higher than I was expecting. I thought something was wrong! Well, I didn't notice that there were NO "sale" signs up anywhere. Nothing was on sale.

This "mistake" of mine...and what I learned from it...got me thinking about something then…something that's a pet peeve of mine that of course, has to do with Christians...

Have you ever eaten maggoty food?

Have you ever puked profusely after eating a specific food?

How do you feel about those foods after experiences like these? I know I once threw up (while pregnant) after eating a meal of spaghetti (which I have always loved) and can you guess? It was YEARS before I ever ate spaghetti again!!!

This is the normal and natural reaction to having ruined, spoiled, nasty food. It doesn't make us love and appreciate the good version of that food more…it repulses us at even the good versions of that food!

So, my pet peeve has what to do with gross food and shopping at Kohl's? 

There is a sentiment that is hugely prevalent in the Christian community that sickens me about as much as maggoty food…and that is when you hear people say things like, "If we didn't have the hard times in life we'd never appreciate the good times."

Worse still is when Christians look at the "table before them" in life…and see "maggoty food" there and proclaim, "Well, God is in control…He must have a plan for this!" 

My pet peeve...is when Christians look at any situation in life, no matter how terrible it is, and they try to make it into some spiritual "test" that God is putting us thru to strengthen and improve us.

Though they would never look a battered wife in the eye and tell her that she should look at her husband's hurtful use of his hands as a way to make her better appreciate the times when he touches her kindly...yet..that's exactly the type of God they think they serve. 

If you get smacked in the face by your husband...that experience does not make you appreciate his loving touches more...it makes you pull away from his touch all together. His hurtful touch...ruins the good touch. And, no loving husband would use that technique to help his wife appreciate him more or to "grow" in to a better person. And, neither does God.

What would you think of a fireman who saved most of the people from a burning building...who had been the one to set the fire so that he could inspire people with his heroism and with the good things that would happen after the tragedy?

God and His mysterious "plan" are not behind the bad things that happen in life. Especially if there is any "sin" anywhere in the picture that caused the situation...God did not inspire, motivate, cause, or "control" that situation.

Romans 1 tell us we can learn about everything about God by the things He's made. God designed the human body. It's normal for us to be repulsed by and avoid or run away from things we have bad experiences with.

Bad experiences with food make us wanna stay away from that food not appreciate it more when it's not rotten. That tells us something about God.

God does not give us bad experiences in LIFE because…He is good. And, because He made us…and He knows that would make us repulsed…by life…not appreciate it more. Bad experiences at any time in life can harden us and rob us of our joy in life. Bad experiences in early life have been proven to lead to depression and anxiety later in life. Bad experiences are the ones that lead to suicide...not good ones. That's not "learning to appreciate life more"…that's being repulsed by something good after having had a portion of it that was "rotten". 

Jesus came to give us LIFE.

Satan is here to steal kill and destroy.

It is the blessing of the Lord that makes rich and He adds no sorrow to it. (Prov. 10:22)

It's good...if you are able to learn and get something out of bad things...but don't get confused...God is not the author of the bad in your life to make you appreciate the good...unless He's a psycho. 

The only way you know and appreciate what's good is to experience what's good...and the bad experiences mar and hinder your appreciation of what's good...not the other way around...

"Woe to those who call good evil and evil good…"

Yep. 

That's a cockroach on the chicken that

just came home from the market.

Feeling hungry???

How to "give your kids a bath"...spiritually...

We're all familiar with verses like these that refer to our needing to be "cleansed" from sin:

Acts 11:9
But a voice from heaven answered a second time, ‘What God has cleansed, no longer consider unholy.’


2 Corinthians 7:1

Therefore, having these promises, beloved, let us cleanse ourselves from all defilement of flesh and spirit, perfecting holiness in the fear of God.


2 Timothy 2:21

Therefore, if anyone cleanses himself from these things, he will be a vessel for honor, sanctified, useful to the Master, prepared for every good work.


Hebrews 9:14
how much more will the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered Himself without blemish to God, cleanse your conscience from dead works to serve the living God?


1 John 1:7
but if we walk in the Light as He Himself is in the Light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus His Son cleanses us from all sin.


1 John 1:9
If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.


These are just examples...there are many many places that the Bible equates being "in sin" with "being dirty" and that we get "cleansed" from it...

So, let's talk about "cleansing"...

We are God's children…and He cleanses us. So, how does He do that? How do we figure that out?

Romans 1:19-20 says:
"that which is known about God is evident within them; for God made it evident to them. For since the creation of the world His invisible attributes, His eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly seen, being understood through what has been made, so that they are without excuse.

If we wanna know what it looks like when God cleanses us…Romans 1 tells us that we can see that in the Creation. So, if we look at the physical world and how "cleansing" occurs…we will see how God cleanses us and we will learn something about "sin".

Without getting "too technical"…we can say that we need cleansed from things which are not part of us. Things which are foreign to us which have gotten onto us and "defiled" us in some way. First off, very simply and easily this tells us that if we need to get "cleansed from sin" that sin is not something that is a natural part of us. Sin is a foreign substance which gets on us somehow and dirties us. It is not an innate inborn part of us.

What would be part of the "procedure" for cleansing?

Cleansing your car
Get out a soft cloth or sponge (so as to not damage the paint) and you use a lot of water and you rub every square inch of that vehicle and rinse it.

Cleansing your clothing
You put them into a machine that gently agitates them in a lot of water. Delicate plates are not put in.

Cleansing your carpet
You first use a vacuum that runs across it combing/brushing it and sucking out the dirt and then you use another machine which does the same only with water.

Cleansing your dishes
You use a soft cloth or sponge and soap and massage the dishes with water or put them into a washer which squirts water on them.

Cleansing your kitchen appliances like your refrigerator
You get cloth out (that's soft to not damage it) and you wipe it down with something water-based or with water.

Cleansing windows
You get a mac. Just kidding. You use a soft cloth to prevent scratching the glass and wipe water (with chemicals).

For things we care about we clean them mostly with water, by rubbing them down with something that will not damage them. Special attention is paid to not hurt, mar, or damage things.

Would you ever cleanse your car, clothes, carpet, dishes, kitchen appliances by hitting them with sticks? Hitting them with a baseball bat? Scratching them with abrasive steel wool? The only time harsh cleansers are ever used on anything is if the harshness of the cleanser will only effect the dirt and not the item being cleaned.

Now, what about our children? When they get dirty what's the best way to clean them? Normally, we fill up a tub of comfortably and pleasurably warm water and we plop our naked kid into the water. We get down on our hands and knees and take soap and something which won't scratch their skin and we basically give them a full body massage. We rub every part of their body down and rinse them thoroughly with water. When not giving them this massage we play with them. And, then, when we take them out of the tub after they've been cleansed they are happy, relaxed, and ready to rest.

What if you found out that the soap you use on your child is actually burning their skin? Will you continue to use it? What if the cloth you used to clean them was too abrasive and scratched them and they were unhappy and saying, "ow". Would you stop using it? What if you plopped them into the water and they began to scream, "no! no!" and they jumped back out of the tub (in defiance of what you'd just done with them) because the water was hurting them?

You realize, of course, that my point is about "spanking" and other forms of discipline. 
Most Christian parents believe that it is their job to "beat Adam" out of their child or to rid their child of sin. But, just look at a couple of these verses again:

1 John 1:7
but if we walk in the Light as He Himself is in the Light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus His Son cleanses us from all sin.


1 John 1:9
If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

The blood of Jesus cleanses us from sin…just how is that? Does Jesus "beat us", "shame us", "punish" us, "lay down the law", "ground us", "give us more rules" or put us in the "time-out chair" with His blood? 

Of course that's ridiculous. 
So, then why do so many parents who desire to live godly and raise up kids as Jesus would...do all those things?

Jesus is our example as to how to live…
God cleanses us from sin…
The Creation tells us the truth about God…

So, factoring in all those things, what should a "cleansing" (disciplinary) moment include?

"Warm water"
Do your kids feel they are stepping into a pleasant atmosphere that gives them relief from their stress, pain, and dirt...or do they enter into a disciplinary moment with you knowing "they're in HOT WATER!"

"Nudity"
Do your kids insist on remaining "covered" and refuse to "bare it all?" Do they kick and scream and lie and rationalize what they've done?

"Knees"
So, what's your "posture" when your kids "are dirty" and you're "cleansing" them? Are you looming above them and disconnected from them? Or, are you "on their level"...humble and "on your knees" touching them gently with your hands?

"Massage"
When we rub our kids down with a bath scrunchie or sponge or wash cloth, it releases a pleasant odor (soap) and it massages their whole body. It feels good. It gets their blood flowing. It releases healthy relaxing chemicals into their systems AND it releases "oxytocin" into their system which is the hormone "of love"...Studies have shown that (for example) if a waitress touches her guests that her tips will increase. Why? Because touch stimulates trust. So, in the way you touch your children thru the "cleansing" process do you stimulate their minds, hearts, relaxation, love, bonding and trust?

"Play"
Cleansing time is also a fun time. Bubbles. Toys. Is there any joy in your disciplinary moments?

Ultimately, a child leaves a bathtub (often reluctantly) clean, smelling good, happy, relaxed and refreshed. This is literal cleaning. Spiritual cleaning should look the same. The result of any disciplinary situation when it's over the child should be smiling and relaxed just like when you take them out of the tub. Maybe even resistant to letting the moment end because it has been such a good experience they don't want it to be over. 

(A good example of this is the scene in the Lion King when Mufasa takes Simba off alone to "teach him a lesson" about disobedience)

Most commonly, unfortunately, the way parents "cleanse" their children... would be more like filling the tub with painfully hot water and forcing the child to sit in it without protesting even though it's hurting him…while the parent stands over them with an extension pole and brillo pad on the end scrubbing the child's skin as they cry. Any protest or rejection of this by the child is seen as "rebellion" and the water is made hotter and the brillo pad is exchanged for steel wool until the child passively accepts the pain. Then, when the child has been sufficiently "humbled" and has cried enough and suffered enough, THEN, they are considered cleansed. But, reality is that all that has happened to the child is that they've been hurt, and even scarred, by what the parent has just done; not cleansed of anything.

Being set free from "sin" is something we all should WANT to do...and we all generally do NOT want to do things that hurt. Our brains are designed to avoid pain. So, think about what you are doing for your child's future...if bathing was like this would YOU want to ever cleanse yourself from anything? I wouldn't. I would do anything to avoid bathing and found simply focus on trying to cover up my filth. And, so spiritually being cleansed this way as a child is surely going to train them one thing: getting caught with "dirt" on you hurts. Their brains are wired that pain is to be avoided. So they'll learn that it's better to just hide your dirt.

Next time you are bathing your child…think about what everything you're doing would "look like" if it were a disciplinary situation. And, likewise next time you are "disciplining" your child think about what everything your doing would look like as a "bath". Put the two together correctly and you will be well on your way to parenting like God...and growing up a child who will become an adult who looks forward to ridding themselves of bad attitudes, unhealthy behaviors, etc...an adult who looks forward to "bathing"...

The hand that rocks the cradle really does rule the world...

I was just thinking...

Do you know who is the most powerful person on the planet?

It's not the President of the USA…and it's definitely not a man. 

It's a nursing mom. Yep.

Look at any newborn baby…the way the mother of that baby treats him will determine if that baby will grow up to become…

…nice or mean...

…happy or depressed…

…angry or contented…

…a rapist or a dedicated husband...

…a serial killer or a philanthropist…

The way that mother treats that baby will essentially determine how that person will end up treating others and the earth…

Quite literally…"the hand that rocks the cradle rules the world." And, even the President of the US doesn't have that power.

Look at it this way…

World War 2…estimated death tolls appear to be between 62-78 million people. Military and civilians dead. There was a madman on the loose and all the powers of so many mighty men on earth were unleashed to fight! There were armies from how many countries? How many presidents were involved? There were troops upon troops of young, strong, healthy, armed men! There were warships on the sea and in the air. Bombs! Heavy artillery. So much power…which resulted…in the deaths of 22-25 million military personnel and how many million civilians (Jews and others) were killed before one madman could be stopped?

All that might. 
All those mighty men. 
All that power. 
All that death. 

And, reality is that all that was needed to stop that madman was one woman. 

From "The Natural Child Project" in an article entitled, "The Critical Importance of Mothering" by Dr. Elliott Barker:

"Evidence exists that psychopaths are created early in childhood. An article entitled "How to Succeed in the Business of Creating Psychopaths Without Even Trying" chronicles the kinds of multiple disruptions in infancy and toddlerhood that are associated with later psychopathy."

"Inadequate nurturing tends to have different consequences depending on the developmental stage in which it occurs. When nurturing of the child is not adequate in the first three years, what is at risk is the development of psychopathic traits; and when nurturing is inadequate after the first three years, what is at risk is the development of neurotic traits. Whereas psychopathic individuals create difficulties for other people, neurotic individuals create difficulties for themselves. They are prone to excessive worries, phobias, depression, and so on."

(Full article: http://www.naturalchild.org/elliott_barker/mothering.html)

Hitler's mom had the power over him to treat him in such a way to wire his brain to be empathic and non-violent…or not. She had the power over him to raise him gently and teach him respect for himself and for others…or not. One woman had that power and could have stopped WWII from ever even happening. 

That is power. 

And, that is power available to every woman on the planet equally. Black. White. Beige. You name it. We all have that same power. All Hitler's mom had to do was cuddle, rock, be responsive to, nurse, and love her baby. That's not even hard work and requires no "education" as we woman just "know" these things instinctually…and men don't. Just hand a newborn to a man and watch him stand still like a statue :) and you can see that men are not built to care for babies…

Hand the same baby even to a teenage girl and immediately she'll start moving…women instinctively know because this is our strength…

There's a lot of "controversy" surrounding a certain buncha' verses in the Bible. Check it out:

1 Peter…says that Jesus was right in every way and "submitted" to death on the cross and that women…not men…are to follow His example.

Does this mean that women like Margaret Thatcher are wrong because women shouldn't lead? I don't think so. But, just like a stay-at-home dad can learn to bounce a baby…he's really best suited for cutting down trees and taking down big game to drag home and eat…because his body is build for physical strength so a man's "power" is limited when he's lifting a 10 pound baby and sitting in a house…I think it means that Margaret Thatcher's "power" is "limited" or not at it's strongest when she's in that role as well… 

What do I mean? Well, what makes a woman "powerful"? Well, by definition power-full would mean full of power. What does power look like?  

Jesus, for example, came to earth to wage a battle bigger and badder than WWII. He came to fight sin/satan/death. He could have chosen any weapon in the universe. He's the almighty. The all-powerful, right? All power was at His disposal. So, what'd He use? Did He rally war generals and huge out-of-this-world weaponry? Nope. Did He choose force in any way? Anything that we think of as "powerful" to defeat the world's most powerful enemy? No. He chose the weapon that God endowed moms with. The most powerful weapon in the universe that Jesus used to kick satan's butt and the power of death right off the planet is the weapon that God did not give to men…but to women. And, it is submission. Service. Self-sacrifice. 

And, so then if you think about the last century in the Westernized world…the best way to defeat an armed enemy is to…disarm them, right? There is a force in the universe which fears the power that women have and so we have been…disarmed. Women now look at "submission" as a dirty word that equals the polar opposite of what it actually is: weakness. We've bought the lie that to be awesome, strong, independent women of the 21st century we have to put down our weapon…and do our best to…be like men…and put the shame of being a "housewife" behind us and get a real job!! 

"Eew. Housewife. Stay-at-home mom. So not prestigious! So…so…meaningless. Like, what a waste of a woman's life to skip college and the career and just take care of her kids and cook and clean. What a sell-out. So lazy! Disgusting!"

But, look at the last century. Right around WWII women up and went to work, right? Now we were "liberated". Did that effect our country at all? What do you notice about the culture in the US? It's becoming more and more…what? Happy? Content? Healthy?

No. The US is not just violent it's increasing in violence. We're angry. We're ADD. We're OCD. We're depressed. Drug dependent. Addicted. Divorced. Obese.

Coincidence? You want to say it's coincidence and unrelated? That makes no sense...

I read somewhere that the US has more people in jail than some countries even have people and that like most of the incarcerated people in the entire world…are incarcerated in the USA. 

The biggest change in the 1900's was women left home and went to work and started looking at caring for their homes with disdain and restlessness…and got the "freedom" to kill their own offspring…

I don't see that as coincidence!

This is how much we matter.

This is how much what we do as women effects history.

When we put down our weapon the enemy wins. 

And, I am really shocked at how many Christian women have bought the lie.

With Hitler we can look back and wonder, "What if?" What if his mom had worn him in a sling and slept with him and nursed him till he was 3…what if in that household instead of an iron fist and daily "spankings/smackings" what if little Adolph had been treated with love and respect, gentleness and kindness? That would have ended a war before it started. That one woman would have saved 70+ million lives. That…is not meaningless. That is not lame. That would not have been a waste of that woman's life. 

(And, since I don't think Hitler's mom had a job outside the house…it's notable that it not only matters if mom is in the house…it matters what she does while she is there…and for a very enlightening perspective of what led to the 3rd Reich read, "For Your Own Good" by Alice Miller)

So, something cool to think about is…ya have to wonder how many "Hitler's" are currently squalling infants at this moment…but…they are snuggled in a sling…sleeping with mom…getting' boobie…and being treated with gentleness and kindness? How many little Adolphs will never become a madman because of the loving dedication of his mother? And, we will never know these women's names, yet, they are the most important and powerful women in the world today...

It's women like that…woman in the UK, for example, who won't be having movies made of their lives because they're not Prime Ministers…but it's women like "The Mule" who have chosen to push the "pause button" on her life outside her home in order to care for her children who are the truly powerful ones…changing and even ending wars that history will never know about...