Pain!!

I was just thinking about how the function of pain... 

Romans 1…remember? Says that everything we wanna know about God is evident/obvious thru what He's made because it's clearly seen in the Creation and in us.

So, just take a look at the human brain. We know it's made by God...designed by God...and looking at it either from a Creationist perspective or even from the findings of evolutionary scientists they all come to the same conclusions about how our brains come wired. Our brains are pre-wired to do a lot of things...and one thing it's pre-wired to do is avoid pain.

This is God's loving way of helping us. And, as the Bible says, "He's placed the truth on our hearts." He's wired certain things into us for our own good. 

Another thing that science has shown is that social isolation activates the same area of the brain as physical pain. Being cut off from others doesn't just figuratively or poetically "hurt" us...it's literal. 

So, following God's design of pain avoidance would "save us" from so much in life, wouldn't it? Think of all the negative consequences to sin in life…they're all painful! For example...

Stealing has painful consequences because it hurts those who are stolen from and can result in social isolation (jail)…

Adultery has painful consequences because it destroys relationships and separates us from those we love…

Jealousy has painful consequences because it isolates from the one you're jealous of…

Lying causes relationship troubles...

...and so on...

All those things have negative or painful consequences in our relationships, personal lives, and bodies (health via stress) true? And, so the natural design inside us to avoid pain should keep us away from things that cause us pain...and on a daily basis this would be one way God would be saving us from our own sin! (Paul referred to being saved as a process...not a 1 time thing) It's a beautiful safety design by God, really! Like a permanent helmet or seat belt! 

Christian parents wanna parent as God desires. They want to know "What is God's will for my child?" "What is God's plan for my child?" "What is God's will for me as a parent?"

Again…Romans 1 has the answer…and I believe most parents would agree that it's pretty obvious we parents are wired to be vigilant of our children's safety. We all feel that protectiveness and worry about kids running out into the street,we strap them into car seats, tell them to "be careful" when playing, etc. That protectiveness is always there. So, we're wired to protect and they are wired to avoid pain. Pretty good combination.

As society changes so do the dangers. So, our children aren't necessarily "wired" to look at a stove burner and see that it's red and red = pain. Really, red = pretty and "touch me!" So, our children need taught what dangers are in the world they've been born into.

That's where we parents come in...God's done half the work for us and all we have to do is work with it. It's a beautiful design.

So, our child is born in the age of electricity and gadgets. Our child lives in a house with an electric stove. The child touches a burner when it's on. We hear the child's cry, we respond and we tend to do two main things. We attempt to minimize/stop the pain and help the child understand what has just happened, "See! When it's all bright, shiny, pretty and red it's HOT and OWWIE! Hurts!!! No touchy!!!" 

The parent's part in the child's life is to minimize pain and heal the natural consequences of their bad choices…and point them toward the truth. 

It's beautiful. We're just like God…the healer…protector…savior…and source of truth for our children! All because we're made in His image and all with the goal of pointing our child toward God!

But, now…imagine that the child goes back and touches that red hot burner again! And, again! And AGAIN! What if the child would touch that hot stove purposely every time you turned it on!? Eventually, you would likely take the child to a psychologist because you'd realize something is very wrong!

Why would it be wrong?

It's just not natural to willingly engage in something that's painful! It's not natural and not God's design at all to willingly do things that hurt us. God's wired our brains to avoid pain and we all know that even without a degree in neuroscience. If our child was willingly touching that hot stove every day we'd just know something was wrong. 

Imagine also that child…touching the hot stove and being burned every day and not reacting at all to it! If the child was having no reaction to the pain, then, the alarm bells would really be going off, wouldn't they? You would really know that something is very VERY wrong with the child! Right? 

Most "Christian" parenting books tell parents that it is God's will for them to strike their children on the butt to cause pain to teach them lessons. The logic is the same as in the hot stove - the teaching believes that it is teaching the child that if they do "X" and they get pain and so they will be deterred from doing whatever it is ever again.

This philosophy and teaching does have an element of truth mixed into it because yes, the brain is wired to avoid pain. But, let's look at "what pain" and "what the brain is identifying to avoid."

(Oh, I get it...element of truth...haha)

In the example of touching the hot stove, the lesson learned by the child's choice/actions is touching the hot stove = pain. This is a direct cause/effect lesson. Not all lessons are so straightforward and direct. Some cause/effect relationships between bad activities need help in being pointed out because the effect is much less obvious or direct.

For example, "Don't pull the dog's ears because you will hurt the dog and make the dog turn mean" is a lesson that a child can't learn by pulling the dog's ears once. They must be reasoned with and taught that lesson because little children don't have the mental capacity for "empathy" and the result of the "dog turning mean" could take years. To help a child learn this cause/effect relationship to choices/actions like this takes a lot of patience and time. One disciplinary moment in a situation like this can take 5-15 minutes because of the time it takes to help the child understand what you want them to see.

In the case of the hot stove, obviously the cause/effect is "child chooses to touch = pain of being burned" and the child learns that quickly.

In the case of pulling the dog's ears the cause/effect is much more complex and the parent is required to help the child see that.

But, most Christian parenting books and Christian parents believe that the proper way to demonstrate cause/effect to the child in the 2nd more complex case is to provide the pain themselves in the form of a spanking/smacking.

If it was a question on a school paper they see it as:

Burn is to hot stove as…spanking is to pulling dog's ears

But, that's not correct.

In order for that to be true it would have to read, "Spanking is to touching hot stove as spanking is to pulling dog's ears."

When you look at it that way you should be able to see the problem.
The correct answer would be this, "Burn is to hot stove as...mean hurt dog is to pulling dog's ears"

"The parent's part in the child's life is to minimize pain and heal the natural consequences of their bad choices…and point them toward the truth."
Neither of these things happen when the parent takes on the form of the consequence. The parent unnaturally becomes the amplifier or source of pain (rather than minimizer/healer) and the parent points the child toward the punishment...

Parents who become the source of the pain ruin the child's opportunity to learn the true cause and effect relationship to their actions and pain by skipping the "discipling" part and opting instead for "punishment". It's swift. It's fast. It seems to work. 

Worse than that...What is REALLY happening when a child is being taught to willingly submit to spankings?

When I was "taught" to spank in Sunday School class (that place where we learn about the savior…the prince of peace and author of love and life!) I was taught that any resistance on the child's part is equivalent to "rebellion" and must be "dealt" with. Usually with additional swats or a 2nd spanking.

But, if a child who would touch a hot stove willingly and not react is a sign of a child who needs to see a psychiatrist…what in the world do we think we're teaching kids when we follow thru with the spanking philosophy that expects children to willingly submit to painful stimuli with no protest? We're failing to teach our children cause and effect as God wishes them to learn based on how He designed the world to work…and we're unwiring what God has wired in the child's brain with regards to pain response.

We're parenting against God's design!

For a child to walk willingly into a room where they are about to be hit/hurt/inflicted with pain (spanked) and not do anything "defensive" (like put their hands over their butts or say "no!!!") and then to react almost thankfully and give a hug and not stomp off or cry loudly…WHAT is that doing to their brains which are wired BY GOD to RESIST and AVOID pain!?

The system God put into the child's brain for their safety, protection, health, and futures…is knocked awry by parents who are not really thinking things thru! And, rather than learning to avoid "the action" due to its natural painful consequence…the child ultimately learns to avoid the parent because the parent is the source of the pain. And, by extension then, Christian children learn that if parents = pain…so does God. They learn to believe that when bad things happen in life it's because "God is punishing them."

Remember God said…"My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge."

So, a child who is trained to ignore pain and not taught proper cause and effect for their actions and taught only to expect punishment is going to be at risk for all types of dangers. And, mostly because they will always be in danger of not being able to equate their actions and choices with potential harm…

They will only be able to look at their actions and choices in light of the fear of potential punishment…and without the direct supervision of the punisher (thru whom they look to for all "consequences") the child will be lost. That child will never be free. And, "it was for freedom that Christ set us free…" 

I've said it before...
I'd rather that my child fears running out into the street because he fears getting hit by a car...not by me. I won't always be there in the street...but the cars always will be...

Which does your child fear? 

Matthew 18

At that time the disciples came to Jesus and said, "Who then is greatest in the kingdom of heaven?" And He called a child to Himself and set him before them, and said, "Truly I say to you, unless you are converted and become like children, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever then humbles himself as this child, he is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. And whoever receives one such child in My name receives Me; but whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to stumble, it would be better for him to have a heavy millstone hung around his neck, and to be drowned in the depth of the sea.

Woe to the world because of its stumbling blocks! For it is inevitable that stumbling blocks come; but woe to that man through whom the stumbling block comes!

Look up!

Sometimes the best most interesting thoughts I get come from my teenagers…

I was talking to my 19-year old (who is currently in police academy) the other day and he mentioned that humans don't look up. He says that's why snipers often are in a position up high…

He said it's why often in ancient times that when they wanted to protect a city they'd put guards on the rooftops because bad guys would attack from above. He mentioned a bunch of other examples that all boiled down to the fact that humans are vulnerable from above because we're not wired…to look up for danger.

Right away, of course, I realize this means something. 

Romans 1…says…

"…that which is known about God is evident within them; for God made it evident to them. For since the creation of the world His invisible attributes, His eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly seen, being understood through what has been made, so that they are without excuse."

So…humans…aren't wired to expect danger or harm or pain from above…this is to tell us something from within and without…

God was really awesome to leave this type of truth for us in the Creation. We can't change physics. Gravity is always the same. Biology is always the same. It's just a matter of discovering it and uncovering the truth it's intended to tell us! No one's culture, language, or bad translations can take those unchangeable truths from us. 

So, if humans are not wired to expect attack from above…what would this tell us about God?

First of all…it would tell us that we don't need to be afraid of God. Bad things don't happen because of God. God doesn't attack us. God is not a source of pain. When we do look up "toward the heavens" we see the beautiful sky…and for the most part looking up brings us relaxation and pleasure.

Second of all…what about small people? (More commonly known as kids?) Children are noticeably smaller than adults, aren't they? All their lives until they hit reproductive maturity they are generally forced to spend their whole lives looking up. So, just like adults…when children "look up" at us, what do they see? Do they see something to make them feel at peace? Do they look at us and find refuge and a reason to breathe a sigh of relief? Do they look up at us and sometimes find themselves in awe of us? Or, have we driven them to go against the way God made them and have given them something to be afraid of?

God has wired humans to not look up to expect an attack, that would seem to tell me that as the parent…as the one the child is looking up to…that I should not be a threat...yet that is exactly how most children live.

God has wired humans so that we aren't to look up for danger, yet, pick up just about any "Christian" parenting book and you'll find the instruction give your child something to fear from above. And, according to statistics most children in America live in perpetual fear of their parents hitting them on their butts with something every time they are naughty.

Seems to me something's off…

Is hitting our children on the butt with something to cause them pain (spanking) when they're naughty really God's way or not? With the debate over this truth and the battle of the verses forever waging how can we know?

I'd say we actually do know…because God says He's made it clear and evident to us…so if we're ignorant of it it's because we have "suppressed the truth in unrighteousness"…and that makes Him mad.

And, because of this suppression…we end up raising people who expect what God has wired them not to: to expect pain from Him.

And, the end result of raising up children to fear their parents is that in 2012 we have a church who believes that God has a "plan" for everything and that everything (including bad/painful things) that happens is part of it. Even if they believe He's not doing it He's allowing it (and therefore still responsible). Every terrible fearsome act that happens on the planet gets attributed to having "come down from above"…

Despite what Romans 1 says… (everything knowable about God is knowable thru the Creation)

Despite what James says… (every good and perfect gift comes from above)

Despite what the life and sacrifice of Jesus says… 

The church can fuss about elections. Fuss about the "non-Christians" pushing their agendas. But, the real enemy…the real "anti-Christ" is anything that puts itself against the knowledge of Christ…and that is what most Christian parents are actually doing when they teach their children to look up and be afraid…which is why God can lament, "My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge…"

Imagine a world run by un-spanked adults

I have a lot thoughts running around my head throughout any day, really, and lately it's been too much to focus on one particular thing to actually write about. Sometimes what it takes to make my brain find a target is a post like this on a friend's wall to bring some thoughts to the surface and bubble over onto "paper!"

What would a world look like if it were run by adults who'd never been struck by their parents? People who got rewarded just for trying even if they didn't win?

Statistics would indicate that most of us know that fear that we felt as children when we'd done something that we knew our parents weren't going to like. Sometimes we had done it on purpose, and sometimes it was an accident, but we knew either way "we were in trouble" and we were "gonna get it." When we knew we were "in trouble" the farthest thing from our minds at that point was "what we'd done" or "how to fix what we'd done" but what was foremost on our minds was "what we had comin'!" True? Ai yai yai! We could almost feel the paddle on our butts, our skin almost prickling from the thought of it, and we would have done anything to avoid it! (Even now, it makes my butt feel a little weird just remembering!) 

I have 8 children ages 25 to 4. Right before my 4 year old was born our household went thru a huge huge change: we stopped using spanking as a parenting method.

For years I was familiar with all the reactions that children who "know what's coming" had when caught doing wrong. 

Among the reactions are things like:

hiding

You get a report from another kid that one did something naughty. When you investigate, the perp can't be found anywhere!

denial and lying

You find the hiding one and say, "What did you do?" 

"Nothing!"

Or, you ask, "Who broke this thing?"

"Not me!!!!"

blaming

"My brother made me do it!!!"

begging for mercy while holding hands over their bottoms

Something important is there in all those reactions. All of the reactions that the children had to doing wrong were focused on what?

The punishment.

Those children…when they make mistakes…clearly fear punishment…of that there is no doubt. And, many of those children who are instilled with a sincere and real fear of punishment are effectively deterred from ever doing the same "wrong" thing again. 

But, is that really what we wanna be taught and teach our children: to fear punishment?

Is "fearing punishment" a good character quality? Is it what we look for in leaders? Is it what we look for in mates? I mean, do you listen to political campaigns and hear them professing proudly, "Vote for me! I will balance the budget and I fear punishment!" Do you log onto online dating and look for potential mates who "fear punishment?" 

That would be silly. We don't look to leaders who "fear" or base their decisions on "fear" because "fear" is not a noble quality. Fear is the quality of cowards, isn't it? Fear is focused on "me."

So, as I mentioned earlier…my 8th child has never been struck. She's never been punished. I don't take her toys, make her go to bed early, yell at her, or sit her in time-outs. So, she basically is to become what the image on my friend's wall "fears" for the future of our nation. What if our nation's future leaders were all raised like this? 

What horror awaits us?

She has given me a glimpse of what the future holds...and I will now share it with you...

A few days ago she and my 7-year old were sitting in the back seat while we were driving down the road. They were talking to each other about something that had to do with a recent "naughty behavior" event…

Then, my 4-year old turns her attention to me and says to me: 

"Mom! When we be bad, you need to forgive us, or we will be sad." 

This is how she sees being caught being bad. 

Where is her focus?

What does she fear?

What does she expect and hope for?

"When we be bad you need to forgive us or we will be sad."

Her focus is not on punishment.
Her focus is on the relationship.
She does not fear punishment.
She fears the breach in the relationship caused by the "naughtiness."
She hopes for and expects restoration when a relationship is breached.

The thing she fears as the "worst thing" that can happen from being bad…is that if I don't forgive her then that will make her sad. 

I thought about this some more in the days after she said it and I realize that yes, when she is "bad":

She doesn't hide. 

She doesn't deny having done it or lie about what she's done. 

She doesn't blame her siblings.

She doesn't put her hands over her butt and look afraid. 

She doesn't fear me at all so...she comes right to me and tells me what happened and immediately asks me to forgive her. 

So, I ask…What horror would befall our great nation if our leaders were to be raised this way?

Imagine a politician who...doesn't hide from his mistakes...

Imagine a politician who doesn't deny wrongdoing or...lie?!!!!!

Imagine a president who doesn't blame the other party for the country's problems...

Imagine a politician more focused on restoring the country and fixing it's problems than avoiding the wrath of any particular group?

Yes...just imagine...



I'm not alone in finding that meme annoying. Someone else did, also, and posted it March 1, 2013 on Facebook with a few corrections ;)

New Blog!

"20" (or 120) Reasons NOT to Spank!!!!

1970's discussion in 2012

It's hard not to get frustrated watching two politicians dance around a touchy topic. Especially, when I expect grown-ups to be smart. Frustrated by their skirting a certain issue I run to type on my computer...and this is what I was thinking...

Let's imagine there is a land developer who has some old properties he wants to blow up/bring down so that he can build a shopping center or something. It's his property. His money. His future. His right to do with his own property as he chooses.

So, the whole demo team is there one day to blow up the building. Just as they're about to push the button…some guy with a Peta shirt comes running into the area, "No! Stop! Don't! There's a momma labrador retriever in there with a buncha' puppies! Stop!"

Now. The property owner could react a few ways.

One way he could react would be to look up and see this whack-job environmental rights tree hugging Peta fella' running at him...roll his eyes and say, "Get outta' here you whack-job environmentalist tree hugger! What the hell do you know about my building?" Then, without investigating the claim, proceed as planned and blow up the building. 

And, if the land developer did that…that would say something about him, wouldn't it?

Another way the guy could react would be to look up and see this whack-job environmental rights tree hugging Peta fella' running at him…roll his eyes…signal to his demo team to "wait", sigh, shake his head, and say, "What are you talking about? Why do you say this?" and actually listen to the guy. Then, still rolling his eyes and feeling quite annoyed…he could actually send in a team to investigate to see if there really is a momma lab and puppies in that building or not. 

And, if the land developer did that…that would also say something about him, wouldn't it?

Which of the two reactions would you think is more intelligent? More foolish?

The way I see it…the first way is the way both sides of the political debate handle the abortion question. One side looks like a buncha' radical whack-jobs wanting to stop people from doing with their own property what they want. The other side just looks at disgust at the claims and without investigating…simply proceeds.

Back when abortion was pushed into legalization it was a whole different world when it came to information and facts. We didn't have Google. We didn't have the Internet. We didn't have all pregnant ladies going for ultrasounds and books full of prenatal photography. We didn't have neurobiologists investigating the development of the human brain all the way back to the moment of conception and writing books about it. Back in the 70's all we had were these ancient things called libraries and those libraries...were not full of books with fetal photography, or books written by neurobiologists that could tell us "what" the abortion debate was discussing.

What we had back in the 70's was the news. It wasn't even on 24/7 but you had to watch it at certain times of the day or you missed it. What we had were some powerful people making the news as they were trying to legalize something they felt strongly about. This something was something that the general public was completely ignorant about and had no way of personally investigating or challenging the catchy slogans and inflated and false statistics. 

These slogans and false data appealed not to some evil baby-killing lust of the American public. No! Slogans like, "It's my body my choice!", "Keep the government off my body" and all the false/mis-representational data like calling the baby "a cluster of cells" and "the products of conception" appealed to the empathic, loving, and trusting side of the American public who felt that this was a reasonable and helpful way to get women out of a tough situation. 

What annoys and frustrates me listening to these "educated" people in politics and others on TV when they discuss abortion is that their discussion is still back in the 70's. Their discussion hasn't progressed to 2012, Google, and modern technology. We still argue slogans, rhetoric, and misrepresented data. The actual facts are kept far away from the discussion because most people don't think any farther than their parents threw them (they just believe what they were raised to believe) or because some know that as soon as the facts are exposed then the entire discussion will have to change. 

I've seen this happen in my own life...

See…back a few months ago I was faced with such a turning point in my own life. Starting in 2010 I'd started pounding on the weight. I could feel it. And, it troubled and effected me all the time. I argued with myself about it round and round every day. It troubled me when I shopped for clothes. I was uncomfortable in public. But, do you know what I would not do? I would not weigh myself.

Not only would I not weigh myself but I also got MAD whenever someone even hinted at the truth by say…taking a photo of me. My oldest daughter was scared into never EVER daring to post ANY photos of me on Facebook lest she endure my wrath! Yes! If I saw full body photos of me they incited me to feel anger.

The truth hurts. And, so when we don't want to hear it we get mad, don't we?

In all my years I've not once seen any intelligent discussion on TV about abortion where the facts were discussed. Only rhetoric, slogans, and opinions. Everyone arguing over who should be able to decide the fate of the not born human based on...opinions and slogans. 

But, ya know…back to my imaginary land developer situation...it would not matter how that momma labrador and her puppies got into the building or who owned it…the only thing that an intelligent person could do when faced with the dilemma of, "if you do this someone or something might die" is to investigate and find out the truth.

The only intelligent thing for that imaginary land developer to do would be to go in and see if there really is a dog in there or not…and to base his decision and discussion about his building on that. 

If upon investigation he would discover there really was a dog in there as asserted by the guy he saw as a whack-job...once his error has been proven...the only intelligent thing for him to then do would be for him to approach the whack-job environmentalist and say, "My hat's off to ya. You were right." And, THEN…proceed with blowing up his building.

Or, if he goes into the building and sees that it's just a buncha' old stuffed animals…then the intelligent (and probably fun thing) for him to do would be for him to come out…drop the evidence at the whack-job's feet and ask, "Can I now proceed?" And, at that moment the only intelligent thing for the environmentalist to do would be to say, "My apologies. Thank you for checking."

Right?

So, whose right is it to decide when a human being is to have their life ended unnaturally if that human being has not yet left the uterus? Who has the right to "push the button" and "bring down the building?" The "property owner?" 

Obviously, the woman should have the right to decide to do with her own body whatever she would choose…as long as the claims of what is INSIDE that body are investigated first.

And, so far…they haven't been.

This is why the discussion continues because as long as the discussion is about opinions...the discussion will never end. Everyone's opinions are equally valid. But, facts are facts.

Both sides are really stubbornly displaying their childish ignorance by sticking to the slogans and technology of the 70's. The anti-abortion side has not done their homework and is generally uneducated about what's "in the building". They stick to the old slogans and to pulling the "God Card." And, the pro-abortion side is like me not wanting to stand on the scale. Show them a photo of an aborted baby and watch the anger erupt (almost as bad as me when my daughter would post fat pics of me on Facebook!) 

Right now…our country is stuck in the 70's, not looking at the scale, justifying whatever they want to do and getting mad at anyone who wants them to step on the scale and face the facts.

No one…would have a problem telling that land developer what he could or could not do with his own property if it was an indisputable fact that there was a momma lab and puppies in that building who'd be killed if he blew up his own property. No one would cry that the government was imposing its morality on him to stop him from killing that family of dogs. No one would think of themselves as anti-land-developing if they joined in to stop the man from blowing up the building. 

And, if that man focused on asserting his rights as a man and a land owner and insisted on his right to ignore the claims that there was a family of dogs in his building and he insisted on his right to blow up his building without interference…if he asserted that this decision was to be made between him and his finance director in the privacy of his own office...and that it was no one else's business…yes…that man would sound like what?

The land developer could say, "Well! It's not MY dog! I didn't put that dog in there!" And, use that excuse to justify proceeding with the demolition. 

The land developer could say, "My ex-wife put that dog in there just to cause me problems!" And, use that excuse to justify proceeding with the demolition.

But, it wouldn't matter how the dogs got in there would it? The only thing that would matter in the decision whether or not to demolish that building or not would be "are there live dogs in that building?"

So, rape? Incest? Some people wanna try to say they're, "pro-Life"...but...with exceptions. They think they're holier and more noble than the plain old, "pro-Choicers." But, the pro-lifers-with-exceptions have the SAME OPINION as the pro-choicers...and that is, "If I feel/agree that the woman's pregnancy is very unpleasant then she should be able to abort." The difference between the pro-choicers and pro-lifers-with-exceptions is the scale of unpleasantness. Pro-choicers find financial stress or deprivation of schooling to be unpleasant enough to abort. Pro-lifers-with-exceptions believe that being raped would be unpleasant enough. They think they have different beliefs but they both believe the same thing. "If I feel the woman's pregnancy is very unpleasant then I agree she can end it unnaturally." That's it. Neither of them address the only thing that makes a difference and that is, "what is it!"

Unless the essence of what is conceived is completely different when the conception occurs in a very unpleasant or traumatic manner...then the discussion of the pleasantness of the conception is all a matter of opinion and is therefore completely irrelevant. 

If that life conceived even during a traumatic act of sex is a human being…alive and growing...then that changes the discussion. And, that's the question that needs to be openly discussed by both sides.

In the last 40 years it's been 50 million abortions in the US?

We'd better hope that once the intelligent discussion is opened up, that it turns out that those claiming that there's a LIFE inside "that building" are wrong…'cause if you can imagine the fuss there'd be if a building owner went ahead and blew up a building and in the rubble they found a momma dog and some puppies after all? Can you imagine the Facebook pages, petitions, boycotts, websites, and news reports about this horrible, selfish, stupid man who just recklessly brought down that building even tho' the Peta guy had come and told him the little animal lives were inside there? That's the ruckus that'd start over one momma dog and some puppies destroyed because some man decided to do with his own building what he wanted to without thoroughly investigating the claims that there was life in the building…and this is over dogs...so imagine the ruckus there should be over the US gov't allowing 50 million human babies to be destroyed…

I wonder if I'll ever see such an open discussion in my lifetime? Old habits die hard, and this is a 40 year long cultural "habit" with too many people who are "guilty" of promoting the abortion culture that I doubt we'll ever be brave enough for it to happen...

For me...I had to get sick and end up in the hospital on a scale to see what I weighed...

I wonder what that will be for the US? What will make us finally "step on the scale" and see what's really "in that building?"

- - -

Fetal photography of a legally abortable 20 week old female...

How to Teach Forgiveness

I had an experience the other night that has left me troubled and unsettled. I have that feeling one might have if you walked out of a store (by accident) and had an item in your cart that you didn't actually pay for. (Now, some might feel triumphant having accidentally stolen something and in that case…I'm not talking to you. I'm talking to Christians right now.) What I am talking about is that troubling feeling that something is owed. I have that feeling. Only, the thing I owe isn't an item I accidentally took, it is an offense I caused against another person.

I dropped my 17 year old off at soccer practice and explained to him that I'd be a few minutes late getting him and not to worry. The reason I'd be late is because at the time he was to be picked up I'd be just exiting gymnastics with 2 of his little sisters. That time came (which was 7:30), and we exited. And, rather than driving the 1/4 mile over to the soccer field, I totally spaced it out. Yep. I drove to Lowe's and casually looked at some plants. I drove home and casually ate some food and started cleaning out one of the fish tanks. La la la. Around 8:30 my older son walks into the room and asks, "Where's Josi?"

Panic! Horror! It was an hour ago that he was to be picked up! It was already dark! And, I had noticed when he got out of the van when I let him out that he'd forgotten his cell phone!

I ran to my van and did my best to not speed while I pushed every limit to get there as fast as I could.

He said the guys had continued playing soccer until about sundown (which was after 8) and that he'd actually turned down an offer of a ride home because I'd already warned him I'd be a few minutes late! Ughh! But, after about a half hour and it becoming completely dark, he figured I'd actually forgotten and he'd started walking home. When I found him he was about 1/2 mile into his walk and the guilt was terrible! I pulled over, heart racing, feeling sick in my stomach, feeling ashamed...expecting and almost wishing for an angry face and some yelling or some scolding, but, he smiled and laughed that I'd forgotten. He didn't seem to feel any need to "punish" me at all for this. 

He forgave me for forgetting.

This is supposed to be awesome, isn't it? Forgiveness? It's what Jesus did for us on the cross, right? But, I don't feel "free" to BE forgiven for it. Something inside me feels the need to suffer before I can feel OK about what I did.

For the Christian this is probably one of the most important things to comprehend. Yet, do we? We evangelize and try to get people to recite that sinner's prayer all the time to be forgiven, but, yet do we actually comprehend "forgiveness" at all in the church?

Let's look at verses about "forgiveness" and see…

- - -

Psalm 130:4
But there are punishment and consequences with You, that You may be feared.

Psalm 130:7
O Israel, put your hope in the Lord, because with the Lord there are consequences and with him there is unlimited punishment

Psalm 14:9
The wise make fun of guilt, but there is forgiveness among permissive people.

Matthew 18:21
Then Peter came and said to Him, "Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times?" Jesus said to him, "I do not say to you to forgive him because he should experience consequences, I do not say to to repay him up to seven times, but to repay him up to seventy times seven."

Matthew 26:28
for this is My blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for the beginning of the forgiveness of sins.

Mark 1:4
John the Baptist appeared in the wilderness preaching a baptism of experiencing consequences and punishments for the forgiveness of sins.

Luke 1:76-78
"And you, child, will be called the prophet of the Most High; for you will go on before the Lord to prepare His ways; to give His people the knowledge of salvation by the experiencing of consequences because of their sins,"

Acts 26:18
[I am sending you] to open their eyes so that they may turn from darkness to light and from the dominion of Satan to God, that they may receive punishment for their sins and an inheritance among those who have been sanctified by faith in Me.

Hebrews 10:18
This is the covenant that I will make with them. After those days, says the Lord; I will put My laws upon their heart, and on their mind I will write them. And, their sins and their lawless deeds I will punish them for." Now where there is punishment for these things, there is no longer any offering for sin.
- - -

Oh wait!

That's not what the Bible says, is it? I altered those verses…didn't I?! 

We all know that "it's by grace we've been saved thru faith and that's nothing we did it is the gift of God…" Right? We all know that, don't we?

I think we all know that like a skinny lady "knows" she's not fat. Our minds tell us one thing but our hearts are convinced of another...

God wrote the Bible. Therefore it was His idea to refer to Himself as our "Father" and we His "children". He chose this purposely. Romans 1 says so. And, Romans 1 says that we're supposed to learn lessons from everything He's made and to not learn makes Him mad! So, a few lessons this analogy could teach us are for one...we are supposed to be able to look at our own interactions with our own children and learn about God. And, we are supposed to be able to look at our own interactions with God and learn how to be a parent.

When we look at those verses without me messing them up...we see how God parents His children when they're naughty…

- - -

Psalm 130:4
But there is forgiveness with You, that You may be feared.

Psalm 130:7
O Israel, put your hope in the Lord, because with the Lord there is mercy and with him there is unlimited forgiveness

Psalm 14:9
Stubborn fools make fun of guilt, but there is forgiveness among decent people.

Matthew 18:21
Then Peter came and said to Him, "Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times?" Jesus said to him, " I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven."

Matthew 26:28
for this is My blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for forgiveness of sins.

Mark 1:4
John the Baptist appeared in the wilderness preaching a baptism of repentance for the forgiveness of sins.

Luke 1:76-78
"And you, child, will be called the prophet of the Most High; for you will go on before the Lord to prepare His ways; to give His people the knowledge of salvation by the forgiveness of their sins, because of the tender mercy of our God."
- - -

Which way do you parent? Are you more like those first verses that I altered or like the ones you just read?

When your kids are naughty do you…forgive them or do you...take their cell phones? 
Do you forgive them or do you...take their favorite toys? 
Do you forgive them or do you...make them go to bed without supper? 
Do you forgive them or do you...ground them? 
Do you forgive them or do you...take their car keys?
Do you forgive them or do you...hit/spank them? 

I'm almost positive that if you're like me...your mind says, "Yeah! But, kids NEED to have consequences!"

Uh huh. Yep. 
THINK about this!  
Our minds have been totally warped by the world and how we were raised.

God is the one who told us that the way we raise kids up…when they're old they won't depart from it.

Check this verse out...

- - -

Acts 26:18
[I am sending you] to open their eyes so that they may turn from darkness to light and from the dominion of Satan to God, that they may receive forgiveness of sins and an inheritance among those who have been sanctified by faith in Me. 

- - -

Until we're able to receive forgiveness…we're in darkness and in the dominion of Satan. Until we're able to RECEIVE forgiveness we're still in darkness and in the dominion of Satan.

Do you realize what that means, really?

My son forgave me for forgetting to pick him up, but, I can't RECEIVE that. I can't accept that. Something in me…that was trained as a child that when I messed up I got hurt…I got a butt whacking or something taken from me…SOMEHOW I PAID for what I'd done…that's still in me. That training that I'm obligated to PAY for what I've done prevents me from RECEIVING forgiveness for even small things like being late to pick up my son from soccer…when he's not even mad!

Is this in my head? No. I believe him that he's not mad. But, in every other cell of my body I feel like I need to "pay" for this somehow.

The reason for this is simple: this was how my parents trained me by giving me consequences and punishments. I am old now but I have not gone far from that.

Parents who are striving to not use punishment are usually accused by punishers of being, "permissive" and that those kids will run wild…but…re-read the verses about forgiveness. What kind of parent is God? Clearly, He forgives. Clearly, He knows best how to raise kids. And, clearly, He does not "spank" us. He forgives us. And, this forgiveness for "sins" is supposed to set us free, release us from darkness, and release us from satan's power…

And, He is our example how to live.

He is our example how to parent.

And, when we fail to follow His example, our children end up unable to receive forgiveness. We end up raising kids who overwork themselves to earn our love...to earn God's love. We raise kids who are too hard on themselves. And, we raise kids who live in constant "stress" which ultimately makes their bodies sick...

So many parents…and people who follow the teachings of people like the Pearl's in, "To Train up a Child", think that they're helping to ensure the salvation of their children. They think that they're parenting like God. They think that they're doing right. But, when they train up their child to expect punishment for wrongdoing, they are ensuring that their children remain in darkness and in the dominion of satan because of their inability to receive forgiveness.

The only way to raise up children who can receive forgiveness is to raise them in such a way that they do not expect to be punished for doing wrong.

Somehow, I am sure that I will find a way to "punish" myself for having forgotten to pick up Josi. I'll either buy him something or make him his favorite meals for a while. Or, once something bad happens to me I'll feel released. But, until then…darkness and satan have a power over me that Jesus died to release me from. AND...the other way that darkness "has me" is that I expect payment for sin from myself...and others. Being raised in a punitive environment makes it so that when people "sin" against you...you need to see them suffer before you can forgive them...That isn't God's way, either... :(

The "rod" of Bible times was a weapon that the shepherds carried and used on predators. If a shepherd were to have struck his fragile sheep with that weapon it would have only hurt and weakened the sheep and therefore made it easier for a predator to get that sheep. Turning on your children and using the rod on the…spiritually…insures the same thing.

Hebrews 10:18
This is the covenant that I will make with them. After those days, says the Lord; I will put My laws upon their heart, and on their mind I will write them. And, their sins and their lawless deeds I will remember no more." Now where there is forgiveness of these things, there is no longer any offering for sin.

The Biblical Rod:

Family Feuding and Taxes

I was just thinking...about politics...

Last night we had a couple of friends over who have two kids and all evening all of the kids…from the oldest of the bunch who was 12…down to Tori who is 4…played and played and played together with very few dramatic incidents. My husband noted at the end of the night how cool it is that whenever there are kids around, that everyone is always happy to play with Tori, even tho' she's "the baby". I thought that's probably because our kids all like her and like to play with her, so, it just makes everyone like her, too. 

Our kids all like her which makes family life run much more smoothly. Makes sense, doesn't it? If the kids resented her or found her irritating it would cause trouble within the family and when others became involved.

Recently I've been thinking about the "imbalance" that we have in our household. I was raised in a household with only 2 kids who were 6 years apart…a household with a very capable mother. She could easily do it all herself... and so she did. So, now I am the mother of a household with 8 children and I was "trained" that the mom does all the work...but in a household of 10 it's not so easy to "do it all" and I've recently realized that it's hard for me to imagine how a household like this is "supposed" to run. 

If I would never blog, make photo books on Shutterfly, or look at Facebook I would actually have plenty of time to do it all myself. But, I don't only do housework from sunrise to sunset, so, a lot of things don't get done. And, I've struggled to figure out how to work that. 

It's finally hit me about how the family needs to "work as a team" in order to be successful and "win" in life just like in a game. And, so everyone needs to play a part. Even the littlest. 

Imagine if I identified who the most "capable" of my kids are and put ALL the housework…on them. And, even made them serve the younger less capable kids. What if I made it that I would expect my older and more capable kids to give me a huge portion of their free time to clean the house and do laundry for me AND clean up the littlest kid's toys all the time. And, then…basically…since the littlest one is only 4 I would not expect her to do ANYTHING. Not even pick up her own toys.

Questions about running a household this way...

Would you think this would be a good idea for my family?

Would you expect this to work well for my kids?

Would you expect this to help my kids get along or not?

Would this be a "team" effort? 

Could this possibly cause resentment between the children? 

What types of attitudes or qualities might this type of system produce in my youngest? What would she learn to expect from "life"?

Would you consider it fair for Tori to not be expected to contribute anything to the well-being of the household? Not even pick up her own toys?

Here's another thought…

What if my littlest one were not only 4 but say she was also handicapped. Say she was in a wheelchair and…couldn't move around the easiest. Would you think it would still be a good idea for her to NEVER have to contribute to the household? 

Do you think that would make her feel good and happy with herself?

I was thinking about this and really, when we "don't expect anything" from someone…aren't we really saying, "you're basically not good for anything…not capable of doing anything useful to me so…I don't want anything from you."

And, that doesn't make anyone feel good!

You can tell we all DO have this innate desire to contribute because of how little kids are...always...wanting to help! They wanna help mom cook! They wanna just be included and be part of things and help. And, from my experience I see that kids who live in households where their contributions are actually "needed"...those kids are really really happy.

And, this isn't just in the family situation that this is so...it's this way in so many instances, our contributions to a larger "entity" and our service is something that brings us joy. Like, you're invited to a picnic…don't you feel happier showing up with something to "contribute?" Don't you feel more like you "belong" in that group when they ask you to help and allow you to contribute?

Or, if you're on a sports team…if they never "expected" anything of you and never put you in the game…you could sit there week after week with that team jersey on at the games but would you ever really feel like you were "part of that team?" Would it bring you camaraderie with your teammates? Would you be able to really even be excited about your team winning if you'd never done anything to help that happen? And, isn't it a huge insult by the coach if he never puts you in and "expects" anything of you? Wouldn't it even make it hard for you to be happy for your team if they won if they never included you? Wouldn't it almost make you jealous and angry toward the players that got to contribute?

No one likes being treated like they're useless. No one likes being treated like they have nothing to offer.

And, so getting back to a family…a family functions best and is happiest when everyone has the opportunity to contribute. Even my littlest one…she loves to go get the mail and bring it in! She loves opening the mail box and carrying in the mail and is so proud of herself when she does it. She beams. She's so proud of herself that she can bring in the mail! And, the cool thing that happens also is...not only that but the other kids are proud of her when they see her doing it. Is it much of a job? No. But, according to her ability she is doing her part to contribute to the household...and it brings the whole family closer together.

That's how that works in a small world...in one household...in a family. How about the larger world? How about the household of the USA?

No one likes to be considered useless. 

No one likes to be "on a team" with useless people.

I feel like the gov't system in the US is like a married couple. The Democrats are more like the tender-hearted mom who can't bear to see the kids suffer and the Republicans are more like the practical dad who is worried about discipline and bringing home the bacon! And, together they really should be working together to have a happy balanced "family" but instead keeping each other's strengths and weaknesses in check. BUT…all they do is bicker and fight and threaten divorce and have played the game of dividing "the kids" (general public) against one other.

So, we have a variety of "kids" in the US. We have a boatload of "average" kids...and on either end of the scale we have the "overachievers" (highly capable) and the "underachievers" (the poor). And...what our "parents" (government) has done is they've decided to run our "household" by putting ALL the responsibility on the "capable" (the rich) and expecting NOTHING of the poor.

And, how is this working for us so far?

Are we a happy healthy country?

We're overweight...sickly...aborting...and having homes foreclosed on everywhere...

Hmmm...if my family was having such symptoms, I might be inclined to think I am not doing something right!

But, what the gov't does is tries to do MORE OF THE SAME...and see if that fixes things. But, we're getting fatter...sicker...aborting more...and the economy isn't getting better...I think lab rats are smarter than humans most of the time!!!

On the one side we have the highly "capable" successful businesses who the government is expecting to carry everyone's load…just because they're more capable than "the poor". So we tax them and get all mad if the gov't ever wants to do anything to "give them any breaks". Right?

And, we expect nothing of the poor. Their tax rate = 0%. But, is that really honoring them? Is that making them feel part of the "American Family?" Or, it is more like denying them even the opportunity to "get the mail and bring it in" for us? Is telling the poor they have nothing to contribute really helping them and making their lives better? 

And, in giving the poor no way to contribute...the more "capable" children who are contributing never get to have that feeling my older kids get when they see my little one happily bringing in the mail.

When a family is unhappy…it's more likely that the members will hurt and neglect one another.

When a family is happy…it's more likely that the members will care for, help, serve, and protect one another.

So, we can keep up the division…the fighting…the name calling. We can keep all the "kids" in this family (USA) fighting between Democrats (mom) and Republicans (dad)…we can make all the "kids" choose between mom and dad (we know how healthy that works in a real family, right!) and we can keep insisting that the "capable" pay more and more and do it all and we can continue expecting nothing of the "poor" and guess what? It's not going to fix the problem! It's actually helping make the problem worse!

If I made my oldest take care of 100% of the household chores...it would not make a happy family. It would not make my oldest care for my youngest more. SO...Even if we taxed the rich at 100% and had some outrageous overflow of cash and no national debt and all the rich were slaves to their workers…GUESS WHAT? As long as we're divided and have no actual care or concern for one other...the problems will not go away!!!

The key to happiness in the US...which really is what everyone's striving for...is not free health care…it's not making sure it stays legal that women can kill their unwanted offspring…it's not making sure that the poor get free stuff and the rich get to keep less stuff and get taxed more…it's getting neighbors to care about one another. And, constantly pitting neighbor against neighbor based on income and political affiliation isn't getting that job done and never will…

So much more could be said about the parallels between family life and politics play out...

We could also talk about how the cultural habits of ignoring the cries of the weakest in the family could play into the politics of how we treat the poor...

We could talk about how the cultural habit of using force and pain to control the weakest in the family play into the politics of how we treat the poor...

Or...I could go do something else besides sit here and type...

I'm a little teacup judging loud!

So, I was at Disney yesterday...and learned a few lessons...about me...and one...I just have to mention...

It was close to 11pm...I had been scorched by 100º weather, rained on, tidal-waved by "Splash Mountain", peed on, and we're heading past the teacup ride...whatever it's actually called I forget...and my grouchy-been-crying-all-day 6-year old and my waaaay tired 4-year old light up and want to ride. Fine. It's only a 5 minute wait. So, we get in line.

They sorta' herd the "right amount of people" into this gated area and that's the people who go in each time there's a turn. When the gates open for the next group to go in and get on the cups we managed to be last going in and I'm not very aggressive/pushy so by the time we made it to the other side of the ride-area all the tea cups were "full". Full...as in there were like 2 people in each cup. I was finding it very annoying and rude that people were "hogging the cups" like that...but...I walked with the girls back to the holding area to wait for the next round.

The attendant sees me coming back and approaches the nearest cups with just 2 in each where it's obviously a group of four. I can see him talking to them and he turns and walks away and said, "You'll have to wait for the next round."

"Wow!" I thought. If that wasn't the epitome of rudeness!
(Isn't epitome a weird-looking word!?)

So, I stood there and commented to the lady standing next to me about how rude those people are. She looked at the mom in 1 cup with 1 kid and the dad in the other cup with 1 cup...with them smiling and waving at each other and she jumped on my bandwagon with me, "Yeah! Some people!"

So rude!

So, I smugly stood there in my un-rude self-righteousness and watched the tea cups go round and round. I thought, "I oughta' take a picture of them and post it on fb and maybe someone would know them and I could shame these rude people!"

THEN...I see it.

The dad...was in a cup with a boy of about 5 years old and they...were spinning like mad! Like Mad Hatters in tea cups! And, the mom...was holding...a 1-year old. Not spinning. Just sitting, holding, adoring, and smiling. One of the few few rides one can get on with a 1 year old at Disney.

Hmmm.

"Judge not lest you be judged!"
"Get that log out of your own eye before you worry about that other guy's splinter!"
"Let he who has no sin cast the first stone."

Jesus really shoulda' said something like that in the Bible so I'd know better than to act like that, huh?

Yeah.

Well, the message did hit me right away and I felt ashamed and stupid for my rash judgment of these people...and I even said something to the lady who had joined my bandwagon and she too was like, "ohhhhh..." Yeah.

I have had this lesson probably a quarter of a thousand times. (People don't say that. Isn't that funny? 25 is a quarter of 100 when talking money...250k is a quarter of a million...but...we don't say quarter of a thousand. Probably too much math. ;)) But, I have had that lesson at least that many times. So, I'm SURE that this time that lesson stuck, right?

30 seconds later the ride is over and I hear the lady who was on my bandwagon with me fussing with her husband about one of the kids. She gruffly says, "I'm just tired of this! He's not riding this! Take him out to the entrance!" and then the son is taken away protesting and crying with his dad while mom gets on the ride with the daughter. And, I thought, "Hmph...what is her problem? It's 11pm for Pete's sake give the kid a break! I bet she spanks her kids, too..." and on it went for a few seconds in my mind thinking about how rotten of a mom this lady was...

Hmmmm.

Guess I will need another quarter of a thousand lessons on not judging till I finally get it mastered...

:(