How to Teach Forgiveness

I had an experience the other night that has left me troubled and unsettled. I have that feeling one might have if you walked out of a store (by accident) and had an item in your cart that you didn't actually pay for. (Now, some might feel triumphant having accidentally stolen something and in that case…I'm not talking to you. I'm talking to Christians right now.) What I am talking about is that troubling feeling that something is owed. I have that feeling. Only, the thing I owe isn't an item I accidentally took, it is an offense I caused against another person.

I dropped my 17 year old off at soccer practice and explained to him that I'd be a few minutes late getting him and not to worry. The reason I'd be late is because at the time he was to be picked up I'd be just exiting gymnastics with 2 of his little sisters. That time came (which was 7:30), and we exited. And, rather than driving the 1/4 mile over to the soccer field, I totally spaced it out. Yep. I drove to Lowe's and casually looked at some plants. I drove home and casually ate some food and started cleaning out one of the fish tanks. La la la. Around 8:30 my older son walks into the room and asks, "Where's Josi?"

Panic! Horror! It was an hour ago that he was to be picked up! It was already dark! And, I had noticed when he got out of the van when I let him out that he'd forgotten his cell phone!

I ran to my van and did my best to not speed while I pushed every limit to get there as fast as I could.

He said the guys had continued playing soccer until about sundown (which was after 8) and that he'd actually turned down an offer of a ride home because I'd already warned him I'd be a few minutes late! Ughh! But, after about a half hour and it becoming completely dark, he figured I'd actually forgotten and he'd started walking home. When I found him he was about 1/2 mile into his walk and the guilt was terrible! I pulled over, heart racing, feeling sick in my stomach, feeling ashamed...expecting and almost wishing for an angry face and some yelling or some scolding, but, he smiled and laughed that I'd forgotten. He didn't seem to feel any need to "punish" me at all for this. 

He forgave me for forgetting.

This is supposed to be awesome, isn't it? Forgiveness? It's what Jesus did for us on the cross, right? But, I don't feel "free" to BE forgiven for it. Something inside me feels the need to suffer before I can feel OK about what I did.

For the Christian this is probably one of the most important things to comprehend. Yet, do we? We evangelize and try to get people to recite that sinner's prayer all the time to be forgiven, but, yet do we actually comprehend "forgiveness" at all in the church?

Let's look at verses about "forgiveness" and see…

- - -

Psalm 130:4
But there are punishment and consequences with You, that You may be feared.

Psalm 130:7
O Israel, put your hope in the Lord, because with the Lord there are consequences and with him there is unlimited punishment

Psalm 14:9
The wise make fun of guilt, but there is forgiveness among permissive people.

Matthew 18:21
Then Peter came and said to Him, "Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times?" Jesus said to him, "I do not say to you to forgive him because he should experience consequences, I do not say to to repay him up to seven times, but to repay him up to seventy times seven."

Matthew 26:28
for this is My blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for the beginning of the forgiveness of sins.

Mark 1:4
John the Baptist appeared in the wilderness preaching a baptism of experiencing consequences and punishments for the forgiveness of sins.

Luke 1:76-78
"And you, child, will be called the prophet of the Most High; for you will go on before the Lord to prepare His ways; to give His people the knowledge of salvation by the experiencing of consequences because of their sins,"

Acts 26:18
[I am sending you] to open their eyes so that they may turn from darkness to light and from the dominion of Satan to God, that they may receive punishment for their sins and an inheritance among those who have been sanctified by faith in Me.

Hebrews 10:18
This is the covenant that I will make with them. After those days, says the Lord; I will put My laws upon their heart, and on their mind I will write them. And, their sins and their lawless deeds I will punish them for." Now where there is punishment for these things, there is no longer any offering for sin.
- - -

Oh wait!

That's not what the Bible says, is it? I altered those verses…didn't I?! 

We all know that "it's by grace we've been saved thru faith and that's nothing we did it is the gift of God…" Right? We all know that, don't we?

I think we all know that like a skinny lady "knows" she's not fat. Our minds tell us one thing but our hearts are convinced of another...

God wrote the Bible. Therefore it was His idea to refer to Himself as our "Father" and we His "children". He chose this purposely. Romans 1 says so. And, Romans 1 says that we're supposed to learn lessons from everything He's made and to not learn makes Him mad! So, a few lessons this analogy could teach us are for one...we are supposed to be able to look at our own interactions with our own children and learn about God. And, we are supposed to be able to look at our own interactions with God and learn how to be a parent.

When we look at those verses without me messing them up...we see how God parents His children when they're naughty…

- - -

Psalm 130:4
But there is forgiveness with You, that You may be feared.

Psalm 130:7
O Israel, put your hope in the Lord, because with the Lord there is mercy and with him there is unlimited forgiveness

Psalm 14:9
Stubborn fools make fun of guilt, but there is forgiveness among decent people.

Matthew 18:21
Then Peter came and said to Him, "Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times?" Jesus said to him, " I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven."

Matthew 26:28
for this is My blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for forgiveness of sins.

Mark 1:4
John the Baptist appeared in the wilderness preaching a baptism of repentance for the forgiveness of sins.

Luke 1:76-78
"And you, child, will be called the prophet of the Most High; for you will go on before the Lord to prepare His ways; to give His people the knowledge of salvation by the forgiveness of their sins, because of the tender mercy of our God."
- - -

Which way do you parent? Are you more like those first verses that I altered or like the ones you just read?

When your kids are naughty do you…forgive them or do you...take their cell phones? 
Do you forgive them or do you...take their favorite toys? 
Do you forgive them or do you...make them go to bed without supper? 
Do you forgive them or do you...ground them? 
Do you forgive them or do you...take their car keys?
Do you forgive them or do you...hit/spank them? 

I'm almost positive that if you're like me...your mind says, "Yeah! But, kids NEED to have consequences!"

Uh huh. Yep. 
THINK about this!  
Our minds have been totally warped by the world and how we were raised.

God is the one who told us that the way we raise kids up…when they're old they won't depart from it.

Check this verse out...

- - -

Acts 26:18
[I am sending you] to open their eyes so that they may turn from darkness to light and from the dominion of Satan to God, that they may receive forgiveness of sins and an inheritance among those who have been sanctified by faith in Me. 

- - -

Until we're able to receive forgiveness…we're in darkness and in the dominion of Satan. Until we're able to RECEIVE forgiveness we're still in darkness and in the dominion of Satan.

Do you realize what that means, really?

My son forgave me for forgetting to pick him up, but, I can't RECEIVE that. I can't accept that. Something in me…that was trained as a child that when I messed up I got hurt…I got a butt whacking or something taken from me…SOMEHOW I PAID for what I'd done…that's still in me. That training that I'm obligated to PAY for what I've done prevents me from RECEIVING forgiveness for even small things like being late to pick up my son from soccer…when he's not even mad!

Is this in my head? No. I believe him that he's not mad. But, in every other cell of my body I feel like I need to "pay" for this somehow.

The reason for this is simple: this was how my parents trained me by giving me consequences and punishments. I am old now but I have not gone far from that.

Parents who are striving to not use punishment are usually accused by punishers of being, "permissive" and that those kids will run wild…but…re-read the verses about forgiveness. What kind of parent is God? Clearly, He forgives. Clearly, He knows best how to raise kids. And, clearly, He does not "spank" us. He forgives us. And, this forgiveness for "sins" is supposed to set us free, release us from darkness, and release us from satan's power…

And, He is our example how to live.

He is our example how to parent.

And, when we fail to follow His example, our children end up unable to receive forgiveness. We end up raising kids who overwork themselves to earn our love...to earn God's love. We raise kids who are too hard on themselves. And, we raise kids who live in constant "stress" which ultimately makes their bodies sick...

So many parents…and people who follow the teachings of people like the Pearl's in, "To Train up a Child", think that they're helping to ensure the salvation of their children. They think that they're parenting like God. They think that they're doing right. But, when they train up their child to expect punishment for wrongdoing, they are ensuring that their children remain in darkness and in the dominion of satan because of their inability to receive forgiveness.

The only way to raise up children who can receive forgiveness is to raise them in such a way that they do not expect to be punished for doing wrong.

Somehow, I am sure that I will find a way to "punish" myself for having forgotten to pick up Josi. I'll either buy him something or make him his favorite meals for a while. Or, once something bad happens to me I'll feel released. But, until then…darkness and satan have a power over me that Jesus died to release me from. AND...the other way that darkness "has me" is that I expect payment for sin from myself...and others. Being raised in a punitive environment makes it so that when people "sin" against you...you need to see them suffer before you can forgive them...That isn't God's way, either... :(

The "rod" of Bible times was a weapon that the shepherds carried and used on predators. If a shepherd were to have struck his fragile sheep with that weapon it would have only hurt and weakened the sheep and therefore made it easier for a predator to get that sheep. Turning on your children and using the rod on the…spiritually…insures the same thing.

Hebrews 10:18
This is the covenant that I will make with them. After those days, says the Lord; I will put My laws upon their heart, and on their mind I will write them. And, their sins and their lawless deeds I will remember no more." Now where there is forgiveness of these things, there is no longer any offering for sin.

The Biblical Rod:

Family Feuding and Taxes

I was just thinking...about politics...

Last night we had a couple of friends over who have two kids and all evening all of the kids…from the oldest of the bunch who was 12…down to Tori who is 4…played and played and played together with very few dramatic incidents. My husband noted at the end of the night how cool it is that whenever there are kids around, that everyone is always happy to play with Tori, even tho' she's "the baby". I thought that's probably because our kids all like her and like to play with her, so, it just makes everyone like her, too. 

Our kids all like her which makes family life run much more smoothly. Makes sense, doesn't it? If the kids resented her or found her irritating it would cause trouble within the family and when others became involved.

Recently I've been thinking about the "imbalance" that we have in our household. I was raised in a household with only 2 kids who were 6 years apart…a household with a very capable mother. She could easily do it all herself... and so she did. So, now I am the mother of a household with 8 children and I was "trained" that the mom does all the work...but in a household of 10 it's not so easy to "do it all" and I've recently realized that it's hard for me to imagine how a household like this is "supposed" to run. 

If I would never blog, make photo books on Shutterfly, or look at Facebook I would actually have plenty of time to do it all myself. But, I don't only do housework from sunrise to sunset, so, a lot of things don't get done. And, I've struggled to figure out how to work that. 

It's finally hit me about how the family needs to "work as a team" in order to be successful and "win" in life just like in a game. And, so everyone needs to play a part. Even the littlest. 

Imagine if I identified who the most "capable" of my kids are and put ALL the housework…on them. And, even made them serve the younger less capable kids. What if I made it that I would expect my older and more capable kids to give me a huge portion of their free time to clean the house and do laundry for me AND clean up the littlest kid's toys all the time. And, then…basically…since the littlest one is only 4 I would not expect her to do ANYTHING. Not even pick up her own toys.

Questions about running a household this way...

Would you think this would be a good idea for my family?

Would you expect this to work well for my kids?

Would you expect this to help my kids get along or not?

Would this be a "team" effort? 

Could this possibly cause resentment between the children? 

What types of attitudes or qualities might this type of system produce in my youngest? What would she learn to expect from "life"?

Would you consider it fair for Tori to not be expected to contribute anything to the well-being of the household? Not even pick up her own toys?

Here's another thought…

What if my littlest one were not only 4 but say she was also handicapped. Say she was in a wheelchair and…couldn't move around the easiest. Would you think it would still be a good idea for her to NEVER have to contribute to the household? 

Do you think that would make her feel good and happy with herself?

I was thinking about this and really, when we "don't expect anything" from someone…aren't we really saying, "you're basically not good for anything…not capable of doing anything useful to me so…I don't want anything from you."

And, that doesn't make anyone feel good!

You can tell we all DO have this innate desire to contribute because of how little kids are...always...wanting to help! They wanna help mom cook! They wanna just be included and be part of things and help. And, from my experience I see that kids who live in households where their contributions are actually "needed"...those kids are really really happy.

And, this isn't just in the family situation that this is so...it's this way in so many instances, our contributions to a larger "entity" and our service is something that brings us joy. Like, you're invited to a picnic…don't you feel happier showing up with something to "contribute?" Don't you feel more like you "belong" in that group when they ask you to help and allow you to contribute?

Or, if you're on a sports team…if they never "expected" anything of you and never put you in the game…you could sit there week after week with that team jersey on at the games but would you ever really feel like you were "part of that team?" Would it bring you camaraderie with your teammates? Would you be able to really even be excited about your team winning if you'd never done anything to help that happen? And, isn't it a huge insult by the coach if he never puts you in and "expects" anything of you? Wouldn't it even make it hard for you to be happy for your team if they won if they never included you? Wouldn't it almost make you jealous and angry toward the players that got to contribute?

No one likes being treated like they're useless. No one likes being treated like they have nothing to offer.

And, so getting back to a family…a family functions best and is happiest when everyone has the opportunity to contribute. Even my littlest one…she loves to go get the mail and bring it in! She loves opening the mail box and carrying in the mail and is so proud of herself when she does it. She beams. She's so proud of herself that she can bring in the mail! And, the cool thing that happens also is...not only that but the other kids are proud of her when they see her doing it. Is it much of a job? No. But, according to her ability she is doing her part to contribute to the household...and it brings the whole family closer together.

That's how that works in a small world...in one household...in a family. How about the larger world? How about the household of the USA?

No one likes to be considered useless. 

No one likes to be "on a team" with useless people.

I feel like the gov't system in the US is like a married couple. The Democrats are more like the tender-hearted mom who can't bear to see the kids suffer and the Republicans are more like the practical dad who is worried about discipline and bringing home the bacon! And, together they really should be working together to have a happy balanced "family" but instead keeping each other's strengths and weaknesses in check. BUT…all they do is bicker and fight and threaten divorce and have played the game of dividing "the kids" (general public) against one other.

So, we have a variety of "kids" in the US. We have a boatload of "average" kids...and on either end of the scale we have the "overachievers" (highly capable) and the "underachievers" (the poor). And...what our "parents" (government) has done is they've decided to run our "household" by putting ALL the responsibility on the "capable" (the rich) and expecting NOTHING of the poor.

And, how is this working for us so far?

Are we a happy healthy country?

We're overweight...sickly...aborting...and having homes foreclosed on everywhere...

Hmmm...if my family was having such symptoms, I might be inclined to think I am not doing something right!

But, what the gov't does is tries to do MORE OF THE SAME...and see if that fixes things. But, we're getting fatter...sicker...aborting more...and the economy isn't getting better...I think lab rats are smarter than humans most of the time!!!

On the one side we have the highly "capable" successful businesses who the government is expecting to carry everyone's load…just because they're more capable than "the poor". So we tax them and get all mad if the gov't ever wants to do anything to "give them any breaks". Right?

And, we expect nothing of the poor. Their tax rate = 0%. But, is that really honoring them? Is that making them feel part of the "American Family?" Or, it is more like denying them even the opportunity to "get the mail and bring it in" for us? Is telling the poor they have nothing to contribute really helping them and making their lives better? 

And, in giving the poor no way to contribute...the more "capable" children who are contributing never get to have that feeling my older kids get when they see my little one happily bringing in the mail.

When a family is unhappy…it's more likely that the members will hurt and neglect one another.

When a family is happy…it's more likely that the members will care for, help, serve, and protect one another.

So, we can keep up the division…the fighting…the name calling. We can keep all the "kids" in this family (USA) fighting between Democrats (mom) and Republicans (dad)…we can make all the "kids" choose between mom and dad (we know how healthy that works in a real family, right!) and we can keep insisting that the "capable" pay more and more and do it all and we can continue expecting nothing of the "poor" and guess what? It's not going to fix the problem! It's actually helping make the problem worse!

If I made my oldest take care of 100% of the household chores...it would not make a happy family. It would not make my oldest care for my youngest more. SO...Even if we taxed the rich at 100% and had some outrageous overflow of cash and no national debt and all the rich were slaves to their workers…GUESS WHAT? As long as we're divided and have no actual care or concern for one other...the problems will not go away!!!

The key to happiness in the US...which really is what everyone's striving for...is not free health care…it's not making sure it stays legal that women can kill their unwanted offspring…it's not making sure that the poor get free stuff and the rich get to keep less stuff and get taxed more…it's getting neighbors to care about one another. And, constantly pitting neighbor against neighbor based on income and political affiliation isn't getting that job done and never will…

So much more could be said about the parallels between family life and politics play out...

We could also talk about how the cultural habits of ignoring the cries of the weakest in the family could play into the politics of how we treat the poor...

We could talk about how the cultural habit of using force and pain to control the weakest in the family play into the politics of how we treat the poor...

Or...I could go do something else besides sit here and type...

I'm a little teacup judging loud!

So, I was at Disney yesterday...and learned a few lessons...about me...and one...I just have to mention...

It was close to 11pm...I had been scorched by 100º weather, rained on, tidal-waved by "Splash Mountain", peed on, and we're heading past the teacup ride...whatever it's actually called I forget...and my grouchy-been-crying-all-day 6-year old and my waaaay tired 4-year old light up and want to ride. Fine. It's only a 5 minute wait. So, we get in line.

They sorta' herd the "right amount of people" into this gated area and that's the people who go in each time there's a turn. When the gates open for the next group to go in and get on the cups we managed to be last going in and I'm not very aggressive/pushy so by the time we made it to the other side of the ride-area all the tea cups were "full". Full...as in there were like 2 people in each cup. I was finding it very annoying and rude that people were "hogging the cups" like that...but...I walked with the girls back to the holding area to wait for the next round.

The attendant sees me coming back and approaches the nearest cups with just 2 in each where it's obviously a group of four. I can see him talking to them and he turns and walks away and said, "You'll have to wait for the next round."

"Wow!" I thought. If that wasn't the epitome of rudeness!
(Isn't epitome a weird-looking word!?)

So, I stood there and commented to the lady standing next to me about how rude those people are. She looked at the mom in 1 cup with 1 kid and the dad in the other cup with 1 cup...with them smiling and waving at each other and she jumped on my bandwagon with me, "Yeah! Some people!"

So rude!

So, I smugly stood there in my un-rude self-righteousness and watched the tea cups go round and round. I thought, "I oughta' take a picture of them and post it on fb and maybe someone would know them and I could shame these rude people!"

THEN...I see it.

The dad...was in a cup with a boy of about 5 years old and they...were spinning like mad! Like Mad Hatters in tea cups! And, the mom...was holding...a 1-year old. Not spinning. Just sitting, holding, adoring, and smiling. One of the few few rides one can get on with a 1 year old at Disney.

Hmmm.

"Judge not lest you be judged!"
"Get that log out of your own eye before you worry about that other guy's splinter!"
"Let he who has no sin cast the first stone."

Jesus really shoulda' said something like that in the Bible so I'd know better than to act like that, huh?

Yeah.

Well, the message did hit me right away and I felt ashamed and stupid for my rash judgment of these people...and I even said something to the lady who had joined my bandwagon and she too was like, "ohhhhh..." Yeah.

I have had this lesson probably a quarter of a thousand times. (People don't say that. Isn't that funny? 25 is a quarter of 100 when talking money...250k is a quarter of a million...but...we don't say quarter of a thousand. Probably too much math. ;)) But, I have had that lesson at least that many times. So, I'm SURE that this time that lesson stuck, right?

30 seconds later the ride is over and I hear the lady who was on my bandwagon with me fussing with her husband about one of the kids. She gruffly says, "I'm just tired of this! He's not riding this! Take him out to the entrance!" and then the son is taken away protesting and crying with his dad while mom gets on the ride with the daughter. And, I thought, "Hmph...what is her problem? It's 11pm for Pete's sake give the kid a break! I bet she spanks her kids, too..." and on it went for a few seconds in my mind thinking about how rotten of a mom this lady was...

Hmmmm.

Guess I will need another quarter of a thousand lessons on not judging till I finally get it mastered...

:(

Persecuted for Christ

All the fuss about Chick-fil-A has me thinking a lot this week about Christians...

A popular urban legend for Christians to say, "Oooh wow!!" over is that story of the people meeting somewhere in a barn for church…and some soldiers come in and threaten to kill anyone who stands up for Jesus and allows people who wanna leave to leave. Some leave and the soldiers shoot into the air so those who left will think all inside have perished...and then announce to this amazing congregation that they are Christians, too, and needed to be sure they were with SINCERE believers before they joined them.

Great story…and most people who post/retell/share this story would of course, picture themselves as one of those amazing faithful who would take a bullet for Jesus.

Really?

I don't have statistics on this, obviously, but I would be willing to wager most of my life's savings that MOST of the people who think they would take a bullet for Jesus…won't even drive the speed limit. (Romans 13:1) 

And, I'd bet that a lot of those who believe they'd take a bullet to stand up for Jesus won't stand up for Him in other small daily things...like...I just bet a lot of them...

…cheat on their taxes (Matthew 22:16-18)

…text while driving (Philippians 2:2-4)

…gossip (Proverbs 20:18-20)

…disrespect their spouses (Ephesians 5:24-26)

…are overweight (Proverbs 23:20-22)

…are covetous (shopaholics!)

…and so forth.

So, they think they'll take a bullet for Jesus…but they won't control their own eating or spending or their mouth. 

This is what the dictionary defines as hypocrisy.

Yep. And, the world sees it. 

This last week it's been all about Chick-fil-A. The "left" crying, "hate!" and the right almost cheering, "Yay! We're being persecuted for Christ!" But…what's really going on?

My opinion is that the left is smelling a rat. Smelling a hypocrite. The log in the church's high-divorce-rate eye is so huge they can't see past it but they manage to find time to fuss at the gay splinter-in-the-gay-marriage-eye. 

There is a t-shirt I saw once:

"Preach the gospel always…and when necessary…use words."

I have since then often thought that it would be a blessing to God if the church were struck mute. It's not the barn and bullet situation that's a true test in 2012 of who Christ's TRUE followers are…it would be who would still be identifiable as a Christian if they were not able to speak and preach (or in these days type!) Who would LIVE in such a way that people would see them "shining a light before men?" 'Cause guess what? The BIBLE says that if we shine our light…then people will what? 

"Let your light shine before men in such a way that they may see your good works and glorify your Father who is in heaven." Matthew 5:16

God says that if we live a certain way…our works will SHINE…and the world will glorify God. 

God doesn't say, "use words to say you stand up for what's written in the Bible and you can rejoice when you really make the world mad at you."

No.

In fact…if you look in the Bible…WHO hated Jesus?

Did the promiscuous hate Jesus?

Did the prostitutes hate Him?

Did the liars hate Jesus?

Did the cheats hate Him?

Did the total losers hate Him?

No…those people loved Him. They flocked to Him, felt free to touch Him, and hung out with Him.

Who hated Him while He was on the earth living a life that attracted sinners to Him? And, who hated Him FOR hanging with sinners?

The Son of Man came eating and drinking, and they say, ‘Behold, a gluttonous man and a drunkard, a friend of tax collectors and sinners!’ Yet wisdom is vindicated by her deeds.” Matthew 11:18-20

The church people of that day hated Jesus.

The people who thought they were in the "in" crowd hated Jesus.

The people who thought they were going to heaven hated Jesus.

The people who thought they were righteous and knew their scripture hated Jesus. 

"For you have been called for this purpose, since Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example for you to follow in His steps." 1 Peter 2:21

Jesus said He was the perfect representation of how God IS. (John 14:6-8) Jesus hung with the "liberals". Jesus hung with the "leftists". Jesus…hung with the equivalent of the "Obama supporters!" (and all the other groups I see mocking fb posts by Christians about!) Those types were drawn to Jesus and felt safe and welcomed by Him. He didn't condemn them. He didn't mock them. He didn't get in their faces and tell them they were going to HELL! (Matthew 7:1-3)

His harshest words, in fact, were aimed at...who?

"But when He saw many of the Pharisees and Sadducees coming for baptism, He said to them, "you brood of vipers, who warned you to flee from the wrath to come?" Matthew 3:6-8

"You brood of vipers, how can you, being evil, speak what is good? For the mouth speaks out of that which fills the heart." Matthew 12:33-35

That is the example Jesus left us as our example as to how to live.

So…to follow Jesus' example…which is what makes a person actually a Chrisitan…that would mean we'd need to live a life that draws in and welcomes those we look at as "sinners". Does that characterize your life? 

To follow Jesus' example that would mean we'd share meals and hang out with and be friends with people…on the "left"! To follow Jesus' example it means we'd hang out with…"the liberals"!!! Following Jesus' example means those people would feel safe and welcomed by us. It means they'd like spending time with us. It means we'd respect them and they'd respect us! And...it means…that the church…would see us hanging with these people and question our Christianity (Matthew 11:18-20). Following Jesus' example means that the people on earth who would persecute us would not be the liberals, the gays, the pro-choicers, the leftists...but would be the "2012 Pharisees"…

So…who do you attract?

Who approves of you?

Who do you spend the majority of your time with?

Do you post mocking statuses about "liberals" and "lefties"?

Does everyone in the church just think you're awesome and totally approve of everything and every way you're living? 

Could it be that the "left" starts name calling and accusing the "right" when something like this Chick-fil-A thing happens not because we're "being persecuted" but...maybe because...

"...for in the way you judge...you will be judged; and by your standard of measure, it will be measured to you."

And, maybe it would do the church well to take heed of the rest of that admonition by Jesus and...

"Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? You hypocrite!!! First!!! Take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye."

Maybe if the church did that...and followed Jesus' example...we'd actually start to shine!? 

Something worth thinking about...

MY promise to my children

This picture-post came across my news feed on Facebook today...and it irks me extremely! So much so I can't even comment because I don't want to make the post-er feel bad because I know that it is meant to be positive but I just don't see it as a well-thought out thing...If you really think about each thing you'll see what I mean... 

Check it out...it reminds me of Ezzo's advice in "Babywise"...

SO so so many things are wrong with this!!!!!

Let's look at it bit by bit!!!

"I am your parent 1st ~ your friend 2nd"

A parent is a biological fact. You make offspring and you are a parent. Parents come in all shapes, sizes...and attitudes. Some parents are loving and kind, some don't give a hoot, and some are downright abusive and unsafe.

A friend...is a choice. A friend...is a purpose. It's a relationship. And, a friend...loves at all times. A friend...doesn't allow you to do things that are bad for you. A friend is someone you want to be around...someone you trust and run to when you're sad, upset, confused or afraid. A friend doesn't let you go out in a dress that makes ya look fat. :) A friend doesn't sit back and watch you make choices that are bad for you. A true friend is something we all yearn for...and who...do you want your child to find friendship in? Who do you want your child to trust to always tell them the truth and never stand back and watch them hurt themselves or others? I want that to be me. 

"I will stalk you"

Um...who likes stalkers? And, someone who "stalks" you doesn't have a relationship with you...they intrude on you and invade your privacy as they look at you and watch you "from afar". How would you be so far from your children, ever, that you would even be able to stalk them? Only if you've driven them away? I don't want to ever have to stalk my children. 

"I will flip out on you"

Who likes to be flipped out on? I don't like being flipped out on! And, when you flip out on someone...don't you usually have to go back and apologize for it? Isn't "flipping out on"  when you lose control and cut loose and say rude, harsh, or disrespectful things to someone in a burst of emotion!? Generally, "Flipping out on" behavior is not mature or beneficial to any relationship, is it? Certainly not behavior you'd want your children to learn and do back to you. I don't want to be flipped out on or ever flip out on my kids.

"lecture you"

I don't like being lectured! A lecture is when you talk AT someone. It's not a mutual conversation where both parties talk to each other it's where one person talks AT another. Again...just like stalking and flipping out on...they are all things that are not part of or indicative of a healthy relationship. It's not behavior I'd want to model to my kids because I don't want them to end up lecturing others in life.

"drive you insane"

OK, we all do that to someone sometimes, I guess...but why do we drive people insane? "Driving someone insane" is where you do things they dislike to the point they feel they can't take it another minute. Why would you want to do this to your child? Again...if you think driving your kids "insane" with your stalking, flipping out, and lectures you aren't really talking about having a healthy respectful relationship with your child OR modeling good healthy behavior that your child should use in the world with you or anyone else. 

"be your worst nightmare"

This one really gets me. Worst nightmare. You know, our kids will have nightmares in life and I sure hope I'm never the cause of any. A nightmare is something that scares you and is something you want to get away from. I would hope I'd never be the source of fear for my child or that my child would desire to get away from me.

"hunt you down like a bloodhound when needed"

Bloodhounds are used for hunting things that are hiding from you because they are afraid of you. How sad that your child would ever need to be "hunted down". You don't run and hide from things you trust. You hide from things you fear...like maybe...your worst nightmares. You hide from things that drive you insane...stalk...and flip out on you. Again...just like stalking, flipping on, lecturing, driving insane, and being your worst nightmare...this is another thing that is not part of a healthy respectful relationship. 

"Because I LOVE YOU"

Ohhh kay. I will observe you from a distance, flip out on you, talk at you, become a terror to you...all because I love you. So, someday if your daughter was living with a guy who had first courted her by stalking her, and had a habit of flipping out on her, talking at her harshly, scaring her and making her want to hide from him...you would respond to her by assuring her of this man's LOVE? Of course you wouldn't! So, why are you teaching your child that this is LOVE?

"When you understand that I will know you are a responsible adult."

This is just too sad. To believe that people who stalk me, flip on me, talk at me and scare me LOVE ME doesn't make me "responsible". I know people right now...who are married and living miserably ever after with people who have this level of respect for them and they stay with them. "Understanding" that this type of treatment is loving makes you a sad adult not a responsible one.

"You will never find someone who loves, prays, cares and worries about you more than I do."

Again...by this posts definition of LOVE I would hope that no one would stalk them, flip out on them, lecture them, and scare them MORE than this. Prayer and worry are obviously going to be needed for a child who has been raised to believe that those who love them are distant but invasive (stalking), flip out on them, talk at them and scare them because if this has been the model for "love" for the child...the child will approach all relationships this way. They will be a stalker, flipper outer, lecturer, scarer, and will seek out people who are the same.

"If you don't hate me once in your life - I am not doing my job properly."

I guess if you believe that all these aspects of unhealthy relationship are part of your "job" as "parent" then your child will hate you at least once in their life...But, this makes no sense! If all of these things are supposed to be out of LOVE...they would not lead to HATE! 

"Re-post if you are a parent and agree"

Please. Why do people always add this to the end of their posts?!

Fathers do not provoke your children to anger, but instead bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

Ephesians 6:4

For Christian parents...I have to ask...do you believe that God is your Father, sure, but certainly not your friend! Do you believe that because God was Abraham's friend that that meant He let Abraham run amuck and He engaged in shenanigans with Abraham...that THAT is what "friendship" is? Do you believe God "stalks" you and isn't really in your life but watches you from afar? Does God "flip out on you"? Does God sit you down and point His finger at you and talk at you and "lecture you"? Does God treat you in such a way that you feel like you just can't TAKE HIM ANYMORE! Does God terrify you and make you awaken in a cold sweat? Does God make you want to run and hide from Him? Is that what God wants you to understand once you're mature enough that THAT is what He's like and what LOVE looks like? 

Remember that your REAL "job" with your kids is to show them God...to show them what He is like...so if you get your kids to the point where they hate you and believe that treatment that leads them to hate you is LOVE...you have not done your "job" right.

And, even for non-Christian parents...is this how you want your children to look for their mates in life? For mates who will treat them as outlined above?

I believe this picture-post should be re-written and look like this:

For more (but a short post) on the difference between being a "Parent" or a "Friend": Parent vs Friend

To be able to say that "I am a friend of God"...is the highest honor and safest place in the world. God is my friend...and my example how to be a parent...and therefore...I hope to be the best friend 2nd only to God...that my kids ever have...

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CLICK HERE for a free e-book by Samuel Martin on why spanking is NOT Biblical

How does prayer move God?

I was just thinking…about a friend of mine in Canada who will awaken today to the horrible reality that her niece is missing. Her car has been found but she's nowhere. While this stuff is always supposed to happen to someone else or on TV…it's actually happening to my friend and her family and I find it unreal and sad in so many many ways.

There was a police report published on Facebook and I "shared" it. Another kind friend of mine also "shared" and she'd put the caption, "Let's pray her home!" to encourage Christians to pray for her. 

This is what in particular has got me thinking today.

I thought about it recently with another Facebook friend. She'd said that were it not for the fact that she can help a little girl with cancer by posting her updates and getting people to pray for her…she'd deactivate her account.

I thought about this a few months ago when my 3-year old was lost at Disney for 20 minutes.

I thought about this before, also, a long long time ago. 1998. My husband was killed on his way to work by a jackknifed tractor trailer.

Prayer. 

I know how Christians think about it. They think that if we pray "we can move mountains". If we pray we can…change the world…by moving God to act. Right?

Well, I wonder how many other people ever stop to think about it long enough and ask enough questions to get disturbed by this. I think we have to be believing something backwards with this because…

For God to find a lost young woman…

For God to heal a 3 year old with cancer…

For God to find a lost 3 year old at Disney...

For God to prevent the death of a 29 year old man with 4 kids and a wife…

How many people, exactly, does God need to have praying?

Does this number vary depending on things?

Does He require more or less prayers for cancer than abduction?

Does He require more or less prayers for a 3-year old cancer victim than a 30-yr old cancer victim?

What is the prayer requirement difference between healing a 3-year old with cancer, and finding a 3-year old who is lost?

Does God require more or less or the same amount of prayers to find a young woman who's been abducted if she's a Christian or a non-Christian?

What does God do for people without lots of friends? What about the lonely villager in Guatemala with only a handful of friends in their own village?

Does the number change depending on the spiritual health of those praying? Does a highly righteous and very spiritual person praying count for two slovenly carnal Christians?

If non-Christians pray, too, do they even count?

How often do we need to pray? 

How long do the prayers need to be? 

Does it matter the person's spiritual condition when they pray?

Does it matter how many people are praying at the same time or is it counted over a 24 hour period? 

And, if God is not yet responding to prayers because there aren't "enough"...then...what is He doing until then? Nothing?

What I don't get is…

…why it could possibly matter how MANY people pray? God isn't like the evil mother kangaroo on "Horton Hear's a Who"…who is about to boil that dust-speck until that one last person speaks up and she hears the voices crying out on that dust-speck. God hears even the faintest whisper and even the unspoken prayers. God hears. So, what is the need for "many" people to pray? 

…is it because God doesn't WANT to help and we have to bug bug bug Him (like the person at the unrighteous judge's door asking for bread) and then once we have SO MANY people praying He finally gets up and says, "FINE! OK! I'll help now!" God's not like that!

…wouldn't healing someone or finding a lost woman based on the number of people praying be favoring the "popular" people? Favoring the people who have Facebook and Twitter? Favoring the people who have friends who "share" on those sites? Favoring those who happen to go to large churches? 

…isn't this "policy" unfair to people who have no computers? No Facebook? No Twitter with which to notify the masses that prayer is needed? Isn't this distinctly favoring the white American in the USA who can all afford computers and internet service and distinctly leaving out the dark-skinned people in Africa and other parts of the world who are poor and can't even dream of owning a computer?

…when my 3-year old was lost at Disney…did God count the heart-felt desperate prayers of the panicked mother the same as He would count the random casual prayers of strangers notified by a friend of a friend on the internet? How would that make any sense?

…if it really matters to get LOTS of people praying…then does it really happen that sometimes God just lets the bad guy kill the girl, cancer kill the child…and so forth…and His reasoning is that, "Well, you just didn't have ENOUGH people praying." You realize…that for Him to say that…He would have to be "counting". He'd have to have a number…a requirement. It couldn't be random. Like, it couldn't be that 20 would be enough in "this case" and then "50" enough in the next…God is FAIR. So, what? If God requires 100 people to pray for a lost young woman to be returned home safely and only 99 pray…He does nothing. And, He's OK with that? He feels good and loving about that? If He requires that 300 pray for the young cancer victim to be healed and only 200 pray…God feels good and loving to let that child die?

Is this only NOT making sense to me?

If I know God…and He knows me…and He is my Father…my friend…and if He is compassionate, loving, kind, and all-powerful…then if my 3 year old is lost…the only "prayer" that needs to happen to move Him to help me would be ME. Me crying out to Him, "Help!" And, He loves me. He hears me even when I make no sense when I pray 'cause I'm in a panic and can't think straight. He's going to help me! 

Wouldn't it be a huge insult to me and my friendship with Him if He said, "Yeah, I hear ya. You lost your child, I know that sucks, but, you need to get your phone out and post this on Facebook 'cause really until you at least have 50 people praying My hands are tied. Sorry."

Really? 

Thinking of God like this is crazy, it's true! And, I bet most people would wanna say that no way that God's not like this…at the same time trying to cling to the belief that He needs all these prayers to "do" anything. You believe that the numbers of people praying makes a difference without all these points being true. 

So…what is it then?

Did Moses or a huge mass of people pray and move the Red Sea? 

Moses had a huge mass of people there and could have told them all to "pray" to open the sea but he didn't. Did Moses speak to God and have God change His mind about wiping out all the Israelites? Did one man, Moses, not speak one sentence (not even repeatedly) to God and have God change His mind about killing millions of people? Didn't one man, Elijah, pray for rain? Didn't one man, Elijah, pray that God would send fire down from heaven? Did God not stop the sun for Joshua? Didn't one woman reach out in the crowd and touch Jesus in order to be healed? Did not one Man hang on the cross?

Seems to me that there are a lot of instances in the Bible where God did huge things and didn't require a chorus of people repeating prayers and fasting for weeks to get it. Seems to me that most of the time God worked with individuals…like Jonah. Moses. Abraham. Isaac. Jacob. David. Mary. Jesus.

I think the modern Church just simply doesn't "know" God…at all. And, I could list some examples of things that demonstrate that right now…but…I'll skip that and say that this topic of prayer is just one more thing that the church has no clue about because we don't know how God operates 'cause we just don't know Him.

To pull this in with "child rearing"…I believe that the key to prayer isn't in numbers of people praying…but the people who are listening to God.

Think about it this way…

If God hears a prayer to find a missing 3-year old at Disney…what is He going to "actually DO". Like…God doesn't do stuff "by magic" right? So, what would He actually DO to reunite a lost 3-year old with her mama? Think about that for a second and you'll see that the number of people praying…wouldn't even effect this. God will do what He does just the same with one or one thousand people praying and what it all boils down to is how well do we hear Him? And, this is effected by the way we're trained in the crib…and on thru childhood. How responsive are we?

So, my daughter is wandering alone and scared…confused. God "speaks to her" to tell her to walk a certain direction toward people God wants to find her. Will she go or won't she? He won't "magically make her legs" move. She has to "hear" God's voice…choose to respond to it. How have I trained her? Have I trained her to believe that her feelings mean something and that she can trust her body? Have I trained her that when her body says, "I'm hungry" you trust it and give your body food? Have I trained her that when she feels awake I let her be awake? When she feels sleepy I let her go to sleep? Have I trained her to listen to her body? So, then when God speaks to her gut…does she trust it? Does she follow it? 

But, then what about the people who are the people God wants to find her…what about them? When God prompts them to "see her"…He's not going to "magically" force their eyes to go in her direction. What if they don't listen to God? What if they've been trained to be "unresponsive" to their feelings and intuitions? What if those people had parents who were unresponsive to them to teach them to "self-soothe" as babies and so they are not sensitive to their "gut"? 

What really strikes me about this is this…

The church "today" really blames God for everything. They don't believe they're blaming Him but they do because...they believe that everything that happens somehow is part of God's mysterious "plan" for our lives. When something bad happens they look skyward and cry, "Why! God! Why!" because they believe that God "did" this somehow. Some try to make it that they only believe that "He ALLOWED it to happen..." but they are still blaming God. They believe that "God is in control" and to "trust Him that He has a purpose" for whatever crap we're going thru! And, I believe this attitude in adults is all because of how we've raised up our children. We've bought the "old wives tales" and taught our children to ignore their bodies…to ignore their feelings and intuitions…we've taught children not to think and feel but to blindly comply and obey…and then we wonder why GOD doesn't DO SOMETHING when tragedy strikes.

My oldest son told me that the "ancients" (before Jesus) told a story about a man who needed rocks to build something. Rocks were too far away and the project too big so he planted trees on a mountainside. 100 years later…when it was someone else's task to be building that structure that needed rocks…those trees' roots had pushed thru the side of that mountain and broken it up. The next builder had his rocks for building because a man thought ahead, planned, acted on it, and had faith that his actions would do something. He was referred to in those days as the "man who moved a mountain". 

When Jesus said we can move mountains…He didn't mean we could get a buncha' people together to bug God and then God would "do magic" for us and "move a mountain". He meant that we have it in us, built in, because we are made in the image of God…to think, plan, act, and have faith that what we do can "move a mountain". 

But, modern parenting has pretty much squashed all of that in us. We don't move mountains because we teach our infants they are helpless. We teach them that when they're all alone and in the dark and they cry out they're on their own and that they can't do a thing to change their situation except to just simply "check out" and "go to a happy place" and wait till it's over. We teach them their voice doesn't matter and they can cry all night but no one is coming. We teach them they can't "have their own way". We teach them that when they're hungry not to trust that feeling 'cause it's not time to eat yet. We teach them to keep eating after their bodies say "stop" because that "feeling" in their body isn't anything to be paid attention to only that plate that needs to be emptied. We teach them they can't even move US let alone move God or move a mountain. 

And, so here we are…in 2012…believing that God is "in control" because we don't believe we have any control and SOMEONE has to be in control. We believe we need 1000 OTHER people to pray for our needs because we've been taught since day one in that crib that our voices aren't enough.

But, we're wrong.

God doesn't respond to us on a schedule. God does hear us. God does react when we cry out to Him...every time. God is always good. God is love. We don't need 1000 strangers to talk to God for us...He hears us when we speak no matter how softly or what time of the day or night.

It's an almost impossible thing to believe when we've been raised to ignore every drive God built into us. Almost impossible to believe God could respond to just us...just a tiny grunt...when we were babies left in cribs all alone to scream and scream and scream till we passed out from exhaustion and no one ever came. God said that how we're raised up when we're old we won't depart from it...and this is a very hard thing to depart from. It's like it never FEELS real that God hears our individual voices...even if we choose to believe that. We still think we need to have 1000 strangers also praying because we really don't BELIEVE God hears us or will do a thing if He does...

One of the most successful weapons that satan has ever had to use against God and against the Church is how we parent our babies. Gary Ezzo, James Dobson, Michael Pearl, and all the child-training gurus out there who promote the "breaking their will" type child-rearing are doing more damage to the world than any war or any plague that's ever happened in history…

It is such a huge problem I don't even know how it can be stopped…

That's what I'm thinking about today...

That's what I'm thinking about most days, actually...

Yeah, you should live with me. I'm quite the broken record.

;)