I was watching that hoakey Spanish soap opera I watch the other day...(which I must admit that at this point I actually LIKE!) and the main conflict/problem in the show was a very loose and wild scantily dressed teenage girl who'd gotten drunk off her butt at a party (she'd lied to her parents about going to) with a buncha' guys (she was hanging all over) and ended up raped. The guys'd videoed it with their phones and that's how she found out because she actually didn't remember anything she'd gotten that drunk...
After all the crying, etc, the boys were arrested and justice was served. The message that it was wrong to be taking advantage of passed out girls at parties was clear. It's wrong and you do it you deserve to go to jail no matter what!!!
What I liked to see was that there was a 2nd message...which was when someone sat down with the girl and talked to about her own responsibility in what had happened. The person got the girl to admit that not only had those boys abused her, but, that she had contributed to this happening by her own abuse...of alcohol.
I had a friend over the other day who lives in a house with SEVEN dogs...and she has horses and cats...etc. So, my one dog, after this third visit to my house, finally came over and put her head on my friend's knees and was like, "OK, sure, I've decided that tho' you have so many smells on you it scrambles my doggy brain, I have decided that you can pet me or something..." And, my friend, when she noticed this move, reached down and stroked my dog's head but didn't look at her. Every time she looked at my dog's eyes she'd growl quietly and shy a way a little. My friend pointed out that somehow dogs take that as a "threat" so she did not look directly at her face and just kept petting her and talking to me.
That...is wisdom. To know how you can be being perceived by something/someone else and adjust your own behavior to create an atmosphere of safety and peace is wise. But, for some reason, I've noticed that a lot of women these days find the idea that a woman has ANY responsibility in the situation of "rape" (or even in child molestation) to be totally offensive. And, I don't get that?
If I'm going to teach my daughter to not look a dog in the eye because dogs can take that as a threat and it can possibly arouse aggressive behavior in the dog...why wouldn't I also likewise teach her how to not do things which could possibly arouse aggressive sexual behaviors in another mammal...the human male?
When it comes to self-preservation and walking wisely, it's irrelevant what the other person (or animal) should or shouldn't do. That is their choice. But, humans are mammals...and there are things that universally arouse certain emotions in us...and there are things that are not so universal. But, for the things which are universal, if there is a behavior that is scientifically proven to arouse human males sexually, if a woman is wise, if she is out somewhere in the presence of men (especially strangers)...unless she wants to arouse those men...she should not engage in that behavior...because she doesn't know whether the men she's with are good men or bad?
I feel like to not teach my girls that certain things push certain buttons in men would be to be failing them, and almost teaching them to be very selfish and disrespectful and foolish. To think that a girl can go out into public dressed however she wants...and act however she wants...without regard to those other moral creatures with mammalian bodies and how they will be affected by her is simply foolish...
I know it's a tough balance to teach our children, in general, how to be safe in this world that's got more and more crazies every year, it seems. I don't want to fill my children full of fear and make them "afraid of all strangers" but at the same time, all strangers must be approached with a certain level of wisdom and caution...the same way you approach a strange dog. Not all dogs bite, but, it's still wise to approach them and behave around them in a way that is scientifically proven to be least threatening and least likely to result in an attack. It only seems reasonable, therefore, to treat the human mammal in the same manner. Not because my daughters are lesser of value or because they're "being oppressed" but because my daughters should be wise...
That's my random thought for the day.
