With more spanking would we have less delinquents and criminals?

I think we've all seen this:

It basically says that if you don't spank your kids the only other alternative is that they run hog wild! 
Spanking = good parenting and good kids = safe world. 
Not spanking = bad parenting and bad kids = crime!!

Right?

Either you spank...and raise good productive citizens...OR...if you don't spank...you raise brats who have no self control and could very well end up criminals!!!

Right?

I think we've all heard it, and, if you're someone who sees spanking as a valuable parenting tool...you believe it. And, because spanking does give immediate results, I understand why you believe that. I do. But, we have to remember that we're dealing with moral human beings...and just because we do something to them and they give us an "immediate" response...that doesn't tell us what's necessarily actually going on on the inside of them, does it? The only way to tell how spanking really affects kids is to look at the big picture. You have to look at how many in your society spank...and then look at society at large and see how the whole society is doing.

Well...there are people out there who like gathering data. I'm thankful for those people because I'm a person who likes seeing the data they collect...

Doing a search on countries and the % of their population that is incarcerated I found many websites with the same data. Below is a chart I found on one of those sites that has the data laid out quite nicely, I think, showing how many people per 100,000 of the population that are in jail...So, I copied/pasted it here...

And...I added a little detail to the chart...

I also did searches on countries in the world...in which using hitting/spanking/corporal punishment as a parenting tool...is banned and highlighted those countries in yellow.

According to the above graphic...the countries in the top spots for having the most % of their populations in jail are going to be countries in which spanking is banned! Because with more of "this" (spanking) there'd be less of "this" (delinquents/crime). Therefore, countries where spanking is banned...crime should be rampant.

According to a wide variety of sources I find...somewhere around 90% of US parents spank...

So, according to that graphic...the US should be pretty far down on the scale with crime rates well below the countries in which spanking is banned...because more spanking = less crime and if we have 90% of our population spanking...that's almost our whole society...

Here is what the information shows...

Rank	Country (or dependent territory) Countries not in yellow = spanking is not banned Yellow = country in which spanking is banned	Prisoners per 100,000 population
1	United States of America	716
2	St. Kitts and Nevis	649
3	Seychelles	641
4	Virgin Islands (USA)	539
5	Rwanda	527
6	Georgia	514
7	Cuba	510
8	Russian Federation	502
9	Anguilla (United Kingdom)	480
10	Virgin Islands (United Kingdom)	460c
11	Belarus	438
12	El Salvador	425
13	Bermuda (United Kingdom)	417
14	Azerbaijan	407
14	Belize	407
16	Grenada	402
17	St. Vincent and the Grenadines	389
18	Antigua and Barbuda	387
19	Cayman Islands (United Kingdom)	385
20	Barbados	377
21	Bahamas	371
22	St. Maarten (Netherlands)	369
23	Panama	366
24	Dominica	356
25	Palau	348
26	Greenland (Denmark)	340
27	Thailand	337
28	Ukraine	334
29	Iran	333
30	Curaçao (Netherlands)	331
31	Guam (USA)	328
32	Kazakhstan	316
33	Costa Rica	314
33	Lithuania	314
33	Swaziland	314c
36	St. Lucia	313
37	Maldives	311c
38	South Africa	310
39	Latvia	304
40	Puerto Rico (USA)	303
41	French Guiana/Guyane (France)	297c
42	Chile	285
43	Taiwan	282
44	Mongolia	280
45	Uruguay	279
46	Botswana	267
47	Brazil	260
47	Guyana	260
49	Trinidad and Tobago	259
50	Estonia	252
51	Cape Verde (Cabo Verde)	246
52	Gibraltar (United Kingdom)	238
52	United Arab Emirates	238
54	Singapore	237
55	Israel	236
56	Colombia	235
57	Aruba (Netherlands)	228
58	Samoa (formerly Western Samoa)	227
59	Turkmenistan	224
60	Poland	220
61	Czech Republic	218
61	Montenegro	218
63	Martinique (France)	217
64	Dominican Republic	210
65	Mexico	206
66	Slovakia	203
67	Morocco	199
68	American Samoa (USA)	198
68	Tunisia	198
70	Gabon	196
71	New Zealand	194
72	Namibia	191
72	Suriname	191
74	Peru	190
75	Macau (China)	186
76	Moldova (Republic of)	183
77	Mauritius	182
78	Kyrgyzstan	181
79	Hungary	173
79	Saudi Arabia	173
81	Guernsey (United Kingdom)	172
82	New Caledonia (France)	171
83	Guadeloupe (France)	169
84	Turkey	168
85	Jersey (United Kingdom)	167
86	Jamaica	163
87	Reunion (France)	161
88	Honduras	159
89	Algeria	156
89	Fiji	156
91	Armenia	155
92	Serbia	154
92	United Kingdom:  England &  Wales	154
94	French Polynesia (France)	152
94	Uzbekistan	152c
96	Tonga	151
96	United Kingdom: Scotland	151
98	Spain	150
99	Romania	149
99	Venezuela	149
101	Albania	148
102	Bulgaria	146
103	Argentina	145
104	Northern Mariana Islands (USA)	142
105	Nauru	139
106	Malta	138
107	Kuwait	137
108	Bahrain	136
108	Ethiopia	136
110	Bhutan	135
111	Hong Kong (China)	132
112	Tajikistan	130
113	Australia	129
114	Isle of Man (United Kingdom)	127
114	Portugal	127
114	Vietnam	127
117	Kenya	126
117	Malaysia	126
117	Zambia	126c
120	Luxembourg	124
121	Kiribati	122
121	Nicaragua	122c
123	China	121 or 170[2]
123	Zimbabwe	121c
125	Myanmar (formerly Burma)	120
125	Tuvalu	120
127	Cameroon	119
128	Burundi	118
128	Lebanon	118
130	Croatia	115
130	Iraq	115
132	Canada	114
133	Bolivia	112
133	Cyprus (Republic of)	112
133	Macedonia (former Yugoslav Republic of)	112
136	Greece	111
136	Sao Tome e Principe	111
138	Philippines	110
139	Cook Islands (New Zealand)	109
139	Italy	109
141	Lesotho	107
142	Brunei Darussalam	105
143	Austria	104
143	Cambodia	104
143	Mayotte (France)	104
146	France	102
147	Angola	100
147	Belgium	100
147	Sri Lanka	100
150	Paraguay	97
151	Uganda	96
151	United Kingdom: Northern Ireland	96
153	Ireland	95
154	Jordan	95
154	Madagascar	95
156	Republic of Korea	92
157	South Sudan	89c
158	Guatemala	87
158	Netherlands	87
160	Ecuador	86
161	Micronesia, Federated States of	85
162	Tanzania	84
163	Djibouti	83
163	Germany	83
165	Egypt	80c
166	Bosnia and Herzegovina: Federation	77
167	Switzerland	76
168	Benin	75
168	Bosnia and Herzegovina: Republika Srpska	75
170	Afghanistan	74
170	Denmark (banned spanking in 1997)	74
170	Malawi	74
173	Andorra	73
173	Norway (banned spanking in 1987)	73
173	Vanuatu	73
176	Haiti	72
177	Sweden (banned spanking in 1979)	70
178	Laos	69
178	Mozambique	69
180	Kosovo/Kosova	66c
181	Marshall Islands	64
181	Slovenia	64
183	Oman	61
183	Togo	61
185	Qatar	60c
186	Finland (banned spanking in 1983)	59
187	Indonesia	58
187	Papua New Guinea	58
187	Syria	58
190	Senegal	57
191	Cote d'Ivoire	56
191	Gambia	56c
191	Sudan	56c
194	Japan	55
195	Ghana	54
196	Libya	49
197	Yemen	48
198	Iceland	47
198	Mauritania	47
198	Solomon Islands	47
201	Nepal	45c
202	Niger	43c
203	Bangladesh	42
203	Sierra Leone	42
205	Chad	41
205	Guinea Bissau	41
207	Pakistan	40
208	Liberia	39
208	Republic of Guinea	39c
210	Mali	36
211	Monaco	34
212	Congo (Brazzaville)	33c
212	Democratic Republic of Congo (formerly Zaire)	33c
214	Nigeria	31
215	India	30
215	Liechtenstein	30
217	Burkina Faso	28
218	Timor-Leste (formerly East Timor)	22
219	Faeroe Islands (Denmark)	21
220	Central African Republic	19
220	Comoros	19c
221	San Marino	3[3]

The first time one of the non-spanking countries even appears on the chart is #30...with a rate of 331 incarcerated people per 100,000 of the population. That is less than half of the # of people the 90% spanking USA has in jail. Less than half.

And, one interesting and noteworthy country in this list...for Christians to take notice of...is Israel...Israel is the country full of the people who are direct descendants of the people who wrote the Bible who would best comprehend the cultural and social things and history in the Bible. In Israel...they don't use "English" Bibles...transliterated (as in not translated...transliterated) NIV's written on an American 8th grade reading level. No. They still use some of the Bible's original languages and still use the Old Testament. 

The country that has the best ability to comprehend the meaning of the Old Testament verses of "the Biblical rod"...has spanking banned...

So, you have a choice. You can continue to choose to believe something...that's not true. Or you can choose to change. You spank your kids for continuing to do the same wrong thing over and over? Even after, "I told you not to do that! You know better!" they do it again and you punish them for that, right? So, what are you going to do now that you know better?

According to the chart the worlds where kids were never spanked...
that world is 50% less crime ridden than the USA...
What are you afraid of?

"Perfect" report card!

I had a cool experience last night that I want recorded. So, here it is...

Tori. My 5 year old who was nursed on demand until 2.5 years...who not only co-slept...but still sleeps with me. She's been told "no" before...but I've never "punished" her...and never hit/spanked her. This little girl of mine was playing "Apples to Apples" with me, several siblings, her dad, and two  of our neighbors. 

If you've never played that game...there are red cards with lots of different things on them. Then, there are green cards with descriptive words. Each person takes a turn at putting out a green card and then everyone else picks from their hand of 7 red cards and chooses something they think the green card describes. Then, the person who put out the green card chooses which of the red cards they think is best and then that person wins that round and takes that green card.

So...it was my 7 year old's turn to put out the green card. The card said, "Perfect."

Tori was to my right in between me n' my neighbor and she was having fun with the neighbor. The neighbor was helping her read the cards. So, Tori's needing to choose from among her 7 cards which thing she has in her pile that she think best describes, "Perfect." 

My neighbor reads through her cards with her and I can see that Tori thinks for sure she's got the winning card. She puts her card out and she is laughing and clapping and is SO excited. She's just like, "I am going to win this one!"

I was taking pics of her just 'cause she was being so cute and SO excited, I wondered what in the world she could have put down!? She was just like so excited 'cause she "just knew" she'd won this round!

Elisa (my 7 year old) then flips all the red cards over to decide which one best describes, "perfect," and in that pile of about 7 cards is a the card that says, "My Family." 

Without hesitation, Elisa picks that card up and says, "This one!"

To that, Tori reaches over and gets the green card and is like laughing and beside herself, "I knew I was going to win! That was my card!!"

They had no idea at that moment what they'd just said to me about the home they live in! As a mom who is constantly wondering how I'm doing and having those days that I feel like I just have done everything wrong...seeing that spontaneous and completely honest expression of their opinion of our family...I will treasure that moment always!!! <3

People I don't like

Last week my littlest one got some sorta' reaction on her skin...and so I looked up "Poison Oak" to see if she was having a reaction to that. And, what I found...was that what I'd believed my whole life...was poison oak...was actually, "Virginia Creeper."

Hmmm.

Talked to others in the fam about it and they too were all like, "What? Everyone says that that is Poison Oak!"

Yeah. 

Check it out...

What I thought was Poison Oak:

What IS Poison Oak...

Me...my whole fam...and everyone we've ever talked to about this thinks Virginia Creeper...is Poison Oak.

This isn't the 1st time something like this has happened to me. I have to admit it's a yucky feeling. I resist it. I looked and looked and Googled and Googled almost "arguing" that no...I wasn't wrong my whole life! 

But, I was. And, the only sane and intelligent thing to do is just admit it, deal with it, adjust my "belief system" and move on. Does this mean that every time I look at this...that I don't think "Poison Oak" and have a reminder that I was wrong? Of course I do. I might even wanna still "argue." 

But, facts are facts and let's face it...of all the facts available to be made aware of in the universe...I'm sure I haven't even hit the tip of the iceberg! Even if I learned and learned my whole life I'd still know but a teensy tiny fraction of the facts in the universe!

I can look back over my life and see myself feeling "this" way about lots of things...different books I read or things I discovered that just turned a light on that I was wrong about something. It's a long list. But, the longer the list gets...all that means is the closer I'm getting to being who I wanna be...the me I hope to be...

And, one thing I've learned about myself in the last few weeks for sure...is that of all the types of people there are in the world...all the people there are to "judge" or "discriminate against"...there really is only one type of person I actually have no tolerance for...and actually truly dislike...really...is this type...

I can relate to these people only so far as the feeling you get that makes you "want" to stick your head in the sand. That feeling that I had just dealing with realizing something I'd believed my whole life about something simple was wrong. I get (can relate to) the feeling of wanting to just not deal with it. But...how do you learn or improve or grow if you don't just deal with that uncomfortable feeling and change your mind about things? And, these people are not only like this about themselves, but, they encourage others to be that way, too...

These people frustrate me...
Very much... 

No moral to this story.
Just a venting.
And, that's all I have to say about that...
(say that last part with Forrest Gump accent)

Disobedience saved my life...

One popular story I always heard Christians telling as they explained how important spanking and "obedience" were was the story about the boy and the snake. 

Ever hear that one?

There's a boy playing by a tree and his dad out of the blue commands the boy to drop to the ground. He does. He commands the boy to crawl quickly toward him. He does. The obedient boy reaches his father and turns to see a deadly snake hanging from the tree just above where he was.

Although I was a "spanker" for years...I always had a lot of "feelings" about things I should and shouldn't do with my kids, and one of those feelings was that I should let them argue with me.

Some people shook their fingers at me, "Tsk! Tsk! You shouldn't let your kids talk to you that way!"
Some people told me it was "wrong!" (as in on a Christian level it was wrong.)
Christians saw my kids being able to protest and speak their minds as "disobedience."

I'm not talking about kids being snotty, rude, or "smarting-off." I'm talking about kids who I would say, "Do this!" and they might say, "I don't want to!" or ask, "Why!?" So, people would say the kids "shouldn't talk to me that way," but, the kids weren't ever speaking "disrespectfully" to me...but they did often disagree or argue with me. 

How then did "disobedience save my life?"

A few months ago I was in the passenger's seat of my mini-van. A newbie driver, aged 15, was in the driver's seat. We were sitting at an intersection waiting to turn left. I told her it was safe to pull out. I told her to go. She quickly assessed the situation and said, "No," and didn't pull out. It became immediately apparent then that the approaching car was obviously coming at us too fast for her to make it. 

Had she "been obedient" to me and pulled out...she'd have learned a hard lesson about blind obedience...and so would I have. But, fortunately, she was raised to believe that she was allowed to disagree with me and to act on that belief...so, she didn't pull out...

So many parents think obedience is the highest goal of parenting...

But, obedience is only as safe as the person who you are obeying...

I'd rather have kids who can think...because 2 heads are better than just one :)

I was spanked and I'm OK...if you call being 40 and acting like a little kid OK...

Back when I used to be a "spanker" I would have told you that I appreciated how my parents punished me so consistently for all wrong-doing. I'd have told you that EVERY time I did something bad I got busted. NO MERCY! Ever! If I got caught I got punished and it was always harsh. Years ago I thought that that had spared me from getting involved in wrong things when I was older and that I "at least" appreciated that about how my parents'd raised me.

Hmmm.

No. My parents being consistently punitive with me is not what kept me from "doing bad" in life...it's actually what's kept me from "doing good."

I've done a lot of naughty things in my day. I could fill books about it. I had a time of total unbridled wildness that I'm not proud of. 

My parents being harsh with me my whole growing-up years didn't stop me from starting to cuss like a sailor and favor the F word from the time I was in 3rd grade! It didn't stop me from sneaking out of their house to go to parties when I was 15. It didn't stop me from getting pregnant in their basement at age 17. It didn't stop me from punching my boyfriend in the face when I was 18. It didn't stop me from cheating on my boyfriend (father of my baby.) It didn't prevent me from speeding. It didn't prevent me from passing on hills or driving erratically (dangerously.) It didn't even prevent me from driving after drinking alcohol. 

And...there is a certain time period in my life in which I will not share pics publicly because I'm afraid of who will recognize me and suddenly realize THAT was me!!! And, guess what? I'd been spanked growing up...and it didn't prevent me from living that 6 months of things of which I now only regret!

I will tell you what it did prevent me from doing, though...


Back in 2009 my family and I all lived in Guatemala and we believed at that time that we were moving to Canada. So, we got this greeeeaaaat idea to spend a whole buncha' money to fly to Florida for 2 weeks for a "Once in a Lifetime" trip to Orlando. (We now live 90 min. from Orlando!)

My mom is a half hour from Orlando so part of that trip was spending a week with her. At one point in our stay I knocked an old picture frame off the wall that had been in my house as a kid as long as I remembered.

It hit the floor and SMASH!! I was horrified!! 

I was 40 years old. Standing there looking at this smashed "family heirloom" on the floor. You know what I did with it? I can't even believe, now, looking back that this is what I did but...I took it and put it in a grocery bag...wrapped it up tightly...snuck out to the garage...and put it as far into the bottom of the trash can as I could.

I hid it!

Isn't that...ridiculous?

When we moved to FL then in 2011 something compelled me to "confess" what I'd done...She admitted she'd wondered where in the world that thing had gotten to... 

I managed to find the same "graphic" as was in the picture and I created a Christmas tree ornament of it for her the following year. I also perused ebay trying to find a replacement to no avail.

SO! Yesterday!

I'm at her house and I noticed that in the same place she had a square frame with the same "picture" inside. I asked where she'd gotten it and she told me that she'd come across the pictures in the "Good Will type store" she works in...she said as she spoke, "I sure wish you hadn't thrown the whole thing away I could have at least gotten the picture reframed...I had that on my wall since I was a little girl and I don't even know where it originally came from..."

(she mis-remembered how the pic was in the frame 'cause you can see the pic is ON the glass...)

As soon as she says all that the first question that pops into my head is, "Dara! Why DID you just throw that away!? Why did you hide it?" and of course, the answer followed immediately..."Well, Mom, unfortunately, you simply reaped what you sowed with me. I did what you trained me to do with you."

No! I didn't say that! I kept my mouth shut. That wouldn't have gone over well. But, that's the truth of what happened the day I hid that picture frame. My mom lost something that was dear to her because of how she'd raised me...

My parents consistent punitive parenting of me did nothing to stop me from doing bad things when I was younger...but...what it did do was prevent me from being able to redeem a simple mistake of breaking a picture frame. Over and over I'd not been taught, "You messed up! Oh! Here's how to fix that!" No. I'd been taught, "You messed up! WHACK!"

I was spanked..."the right way"...consistently...and 30 years after the last time I'd actually been hit it prevented me from being able to handle a simple situation like an adult because of how I'd been trained...

I was spanked...and 40 years later...it's obvious that no...I'm not...OK...

:(

- - -

CLICK HERE for a free e-book download of the book by Samuel Martin that shows that spanking/smacking is not Biblical...

How valuable are your children?

So, you own two cars parked in your driveway one sunny Sunday afternoon... 

One is a fully restored 1958 Chevy convertible...valued at over $50,000...

Just look at it...

<dreamy sigh>

The other car in your driveway is a 1999 Ford Escort. You wrecked it twice in a blizzard in 2003. You backed into a tree with it after that party in 2007. The muffler fell off last spring when you ran off the road and over a mailbox after you almost hit that deer. This poor car is soon heading for the junk yard!

You're about to fire up the grill on this beautiful Sunday afternoon when just then a severe weather alert comes on your TV warning of possible golf ball-sized hail and possible tornadoes in your area!

You go outside and look up at the sky and all seems well to you. 

You have two cars in your driveway and one space in your garage. What do you do with the cars?

I would imagine that anyone with such a valuable investment would pull...the old classic car into their garage. Better safe than sorry, right?

Imagine that you were off at a friend's house in your neighborhood and saw that severe weather alert while your classic car was back home in your driveway. You'd probably drive home immediately (not wait till you actually SEE hail) and get that car into the garage!

The old beater that's soon destined for the junk yard? Eh. It'd sit there and get pelted by hail, right?

When something is valuable to us, we go out of our way to protect it, even when we don't see a threat ourselves. When something is not valuable to us, we don't. Simple, right?

How much would you say your children are worth? Would you sell one of them for $50k? Think they're worth more?

I had my first child in 1987...and did as had been done to me growing up and as I had been taught in Sunday School class by people I loved and respected: I whacked my kids when they were naughty. (In other words I spanked...but I hate that word! Sounds sexual to me!) 

One day, in 2008 I was asked by a friend what I thought on the subject and as I prepared to explain to her why she should hit/spank...I ran across this picture of an ancient shepherd's rod...

I had been "looking at the sky and thought it looked sunny" but suddenly...this "severe weather warning" flashed across my screen and I froze.

What is this? It's a weapon that the shepherds used for predators. The shepherd used his rod for hitting/hurting predators to protect the sheep. The shepherd didn't hit the sheep with this.

This changed the meaning of every verse that I'd ever read about "the rod." This changed the meaning of Psalm 23. The new interpretations of those verses horrified me! But, at the same time, I'd been "spanking" for over 20 years...and was about to give birth to my 8th child in a few months. I was still looking up into the sky and seeing sun...but...because my children were more valuable to me than a 58 Chevy convertible, I took protective steps in case there really was a storm coming.

And, since that time, I've read probably over 100 articles on the harm that spanking does to children. Harm far worse than golf ball-sized hail on a car. Far more devastating and hard to "repair" than hail.

And, what I've noticed is that there is a significant population of "Christians" who would be moved to protect a car...but rather than react in a "better safe than sorry" manner about this...treat their children more like that 1999 Ford Escort...Unlike me who when offered just one tidbit of information that suggested that I was doing something wrong and reacted...these people look at the evidence and just flat out deny that that evidence is there!?

Despite the endless succession of articles they see passing by on their news feed and despite the fact that people like me can give them over 120 reasons why spanking is wrong...they still just keep on doing it...

They wouldn't "argue" that there is no storm coming and stubbornly insist to leave their car in the driveway. Especially if they actually saw dark clouds and rain approaching. Yet, despite they have to spank their kids repeatedly for the same things...despite their children becoming aggressive...despite evidence they can see in their own family...they insist that hitting their kids is "God's way" and keep on...

To me...these "Christians" who insist that grown-ups hitting their small children to teach them lessons is God's way...ignoring all the arguments and evidence...I see these people like the owner of a 58 Chevy standing idly by watching hail pelting it saying, "What hail? I don't see any hail?"

It's something I'll never understand...and will always make me scratch my head and say...you guessed it..."What the hail?" 

What do you do when you're angry?

I was just thinking about what I do when I'm mad or frustrated...

I do things like...

- post annoyed statuses on Facebook

- change my profile pic to an angry smiley

- water my yard

- go outside

- plant things in my yard

- take a shower

- just be mad and pout around

- slam something

- buy something

- go somewhere

- eat something

- listen to angry music

- tell the person I'm mad at ALL ABOUT IT! ;)

- tell someone else all about it

- write on my blog about it

- write an email to someone unrelated to my anger about it

There are other things, too, but you get the point right?

What kinds of things do you do?

There really are a lot of options depending on your own interests, aren't there? A lot of options...that is...if you aren't...a kid.

Did ya ever think of what it might be like if everything you do when you're mad or sad was forbidden or if you got punished for it? Like, what if someone offended you or did something that made you mad...and you reacted or simply showed that you were angry...and you got spanked for it? 

I was taught in Sunday School (in the 90's) that if my daughter expressed anger when being spanked that she was being rebellious and rejecting the correction and she was to get another spanking. 

I think about kids who live in such obedience-focused homes...homes where parents are taught in Sunday School classes as I was to punish their children's anger...and our current world of violence loses it's mystery. How sad it is for so many of our world's children that when they feel like this...they're really not "allowed" to do anything about it but repress it...

But, unlike people...feelings buried alive don't die.

And, then we wonder why kids love violent video games...

We wonder why kids love angry music...

We wonder why kids shoot other kids...

We need to give our children their small expressions of anger when they're young and they will never explode and need to use an extreme expression of anger when they're older...

And...this...proves I can be short-winded if I try.

:)

(Self) Discipline ≠ (Self) Punishment

I was out planting flowers and something "hit" me...When we talk of having "self discipline" what do we mean?

Online dictionary defines it:
correction or regulation of oneself for the sake of improvement

Online dictionary says synonyms for it are:
continence, restraint, self-command, self-containment, self-control, self-discipline, self-government, self-mastery, self-possession, self-restraint, willpower

This is interesting when you consider the popular idea among parents is that "discipline" is punishment that is aimed at breaking your child's will.

Hmmm...

Something's wrong somewhere, don't you think?

If discipline is punishment then self discipline would be punishing yourself. Right? But, that doesn't work. That doesn't make sense because we know that when you practice self discipline that your life is the opposite of punished...because exercising self-discipline brings rewards.

Self discipline is that stuff you need to have to be on a diet, right? But, while restraining yourself from over indulging in fatty foods may be hard...it isn't punishment nor is it "painful" but it yields a reward...of a smaller waistline. Right?

Self discipline is what you need to have to not stay up too late when you have to get up in the morning. It may be hard to walk away from facebook or your blog or to turn off that favorite TV program and go to bed when you really wanna stay up, but, in the morning, you're rewarded by being not overly tired...or grouchy... 

Self discipline is what you need when you are out at a store and you really need to watch your spending. It may be hard to not buy those things that you see that you realllllly want...but...at the end of the month there is more $ in your bank account for bills and groceries and less to fight about with your spouse and more money in savings for an unexpected problem like new tires or whatever! Right!

Self-discipline is what one needs to learn any new skill that takes practice. It may be hard to continue trying and trying when you keep failing. With some new tasks the learning can be really brutal (like gymnastics or figure skating or the studying required when becoming a doctor). It may seem overwhelming at times to learn but if you persevere you have the joy of learning that new skill to the point it can become even 2nd nature!

Self discipline at the time sucks, doesn't it? You really want to eat that big piece of chocolate cake...or scroll thru your newsfeed just one more time...or buy that purse you don't need! It's hard and you almost resent not giving in to what you want! But! The more you do it the easier it comes and then! You get rewarded!

Hebrews 12:11

All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness.

So, as parents who desire to parent as our heavenly Father does...how can we teach our children...
self-command
self-containment
self-control
self-discipline
self-government
self-mastery
self-possession
self-restraint
to be able to self-correct or regulate of themself for the sake of improvement
and to have power over their wills?

Can children learn all these things if parents always...
command them
contain them
control them
punish them
boss them
rule over them
restrain them
never let them make any choices
and punish them for exercising their wills?

No. They can't.

Children can't learn self-discipline as long as parents mistakenly believe that the definition of "discipline" is punishment.

You reap what you sow, right? You want to grow children who have the fruit of self-discipline you must discipline them as God does. If you want children who are able to "self correct or regulate themselves for the sake of improvement and have will power" you must sow seeds by reasoning and correcting. You plant seeds of reason and correction and your child will grow to be able to reason and self correct. 

You cannot do that with punishment or pain. 

God IS love. 

Perfect love casts out fear. 

God's discipline leads to life and reward. 

God's discipline leads to the peaceful fruit of righteousness.

If you want to parent as God does your "discipline" likewise should not involve fear and should lead to life and reward for your child.

If your child is afraid and your discipline leads to pain and punishment...you are not doing what you see your Father doing...and it will lead only to death...

(see 20reasonsnottospank.blogspot.com)

The voice of self-hatred wasn't me

So, there's this video going around right now that actually changed my life...my future... 

It's the "Dove Beauty Sketches."

If you haven't seen it...it starts off with some women going in and sitting down beside a partition with a man (sketch artist) on the other side. 

The woman is then asked questions about what she looks like and the man draws what she tells him to...

After she's done, another person who was instructed to spend time with her earlier is asked the same questions about her. Now there are two sketches. One is how the woman sees herself and the other is how others see her...

The one that is done based off of what the woman says about herself is not as good. 

The women are then brought back in to see the sketches. This lady's reaction really hit me and made me cry...because it was at this moment I realized something...

As I watched the video, I realized where Dove was trying to go with this...that "you are more beautiful than you think." They were trying to show us that others see us more favorably than we see ourselves and that our view of ourselves is lower than reality. But...what really hit me was...

I realized that if I was to sit across "from you" having coffee and was to describe myself, I'd say things like...that I have a nasty double chin and my eyes look so ugly and weirdly shaped when I smile. My skin is getting old looking. My teeth are all messed up in front from drinking soda my whole life and..." the list would go on. And, I realized that were I to go off to this sketch artist in my normal way of describing myself...that he would not draw an "accurate" picture of me. I would look at his drawing and see that it was "not me."

Being sort of a "perfectionist" in some areas (like formatting my posts, etc.) this really hit me because if I was to instruct him on how to make his final product "accurate" I would have to describe myself completely differently.

See, the revelation for me was not in that others see me differently than I do...it was in realizing that I see me differently than I do.

What hit me was that I don't actually see myself the way I think I do. I already know that the way I describe myself is wrong. What then makes me speak of myself as I do? Why do I think I see myself so poorly? Why do I think that every part of me isn't good enough and doesn't measure up and "is ugly?" 

Because of how I was raised.

I was "taught" to see myself this way. I was taught that I was not good enough. I was taught that when I look in the mirror that person staring back at me doesn't measure up in any way. That's what was pounded into my head over and over, day after day, my whole formative years.

And, that belief that was put on me...that belief that was given to me...isn't me. Those thoughts aren't mine. Yet, somewhere along the line I adopted them as mine. I took them as my thoughts and those thoughts literally almost killed me so many times in my life...

Times that I've gotten SO LOW because I was overwhelmed with feeling inadequate and I was totally focused on all the things I can't do...don't do...won't do...times when I was focused on all the ways me, my body, and the way I live my life are not good enough...those times weren't ME. Those times were "that voice" that was put inside my head. Not me. 

I've been allowing someone else's voice to "possess" me in some sense and I've been believing a lie that that voice is me. The voice of self-hatred is not a voice of "self" hatred at all. It's simply "hatred" and it came from outside of me and it isn't ME. 

I don't hate me.

I don't think I'm good-for-nothing.

I don't think I'm worthless.

I don't think I'm inadequate.

I don't think I don't measure up.

I don't think that nothing I do is good enough.

And, it was in those short 3 minutes of watching that video that this hit me...

And, it was during those short 3 minutes that the 44 years' strangle hold that that other voice had over my life was taken away from it...

Sorry, other voice, but your time of controlling me is over...